Triggering: He's Dating My Best Friend and I'm Left in The Dust...

[JayReneeOffl]

PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS, I REALLY NEED HELP!!!

Alright, allow me to assign fake names to these people to keep it all straight: I have two close best friends I go to school with, male best friend Tom and female best friend Claire. About a month and a half ago, Tom REALLY liked Claire and told her how he felt. She told him that she liked him too, but refused to go out with him, and turned him down. She started to flirt constantly and tease him, enjoying the attention and affection he gave her because he liked her so much. As Tom's best friend, and someone who liked Tom as well (way more than Claire), I flat out told Claire that she had to stop teasing him with what could have been, because it was cruel and if she had no intention of going out with him, then she had no business leading him on. Eventually, she took me seriously and stopped, and left Tom alone so he could heal and get over her. About three weeks ago, he was all but completely over Claire. And completely into me. He flirted, he teased, he said that he didnt want her at all, and that the only girl he wanted was me. I was overjoyed because I REALLY like him and was finally truly happy that he returned my feelings. Three weeks ago, he wanted to be with me, and while we were out with a few friends one day, he kissed me. I took that as "Green for Go" and went with it, thinking that he was telling me that he liked kissing me, wanted to be with me, and fully intended on going out with me. That day, we were in full-on couple mode. We held hands, walked everywhere together, kissed each other, and acted like it was really gonna go somewhere. Later that night, Claire got VERY jealous and confused Tom with what he really wanted. As his best friend, I told him that we would ease up so he could figure things out, NOT so that he could get together with her, but so that my friend could think with a clear head. The next day, he sat down with Claire and had a LONG (we're talking like 6 hours) conversation about the two of them. Like a good friend, I didnt but in, but let them talk things out, even though I knew what was gonna happen. And I was right; I got a text from him saying that "we talked things out.... you're not gonna like it... she agreed to go out with me.." I was DEVASTATED. I was so mad that I had to leave campus before I ran them both over with my car. I felt heartbroken that after everything I had done for them, took both their feelings into consideration with my actions, I was stabbed in the back by them like this. I was shocked, how could they both do this to me? They were supposed to be my friends! Claire never asked me how I felt or what I thought, despite my asking her those exact questions. Tom dropped me like third period French class for Claire without barely a word, and I was absolutely heartbroken. I've been trying to be a good friend to them both, but its been two weeks now since they started dating, and I have to see them be lovey-dovey and mushy-gushy everyday at school an it kills me. Some people have been saying I need to get over myself and be happy for them others say I have every right to be upset and that they are on my side.

I cant take this constant agony anymore, what should I do? I am glad that Claire and Tom are so happy together, but they are happy at my expense, and no one seems to care about doing anything about it. Am I in the wrong here? Or are they?

[justdatdude]

WOW! that happened to me, my 2 best friends, one girl one boy, i had to hook them up, but i liked the girl. Its REALLY BAD!

Its exactly what happened to me! wow! its weird. And its heartbreaking.

You need to take pride in what you did. I mean, PRIDE. Sacrificing love from a best friend for another best friend is virtually impossible to cope with. But you have!

Just take pride in it. Picture yourself as a hero, who is never jealous. I mean, you probably are jealous ( no offence ) but, there is no reason for it. You should be happy for them. BUT MAKE SURE THEY RESPECT YOU!!!!! for what they did to you! But you are okay. Take pride in what you did. Make sure they RESPECT YOU. And use the excuse "If it wasn't for me, you WOULDN'T BE TOGETHER" it works.

Your not in the wrong. You are in the right thing, but it felt wrong.

[PureStorm]

Well, it's Tom's free choice, but it kinda sounds like he lied to you, saying you were his choice #1, when you actually were #2.
Claire appears to be very manipulative, she may or may not have told Tom things (maybe lies?) about you that made you appear less attractive and less qualified as a gf, while empowering her position as a potential one. To sum it up, she thinks you didn't deserve him. She just took him away. It's out of jealousy, not because she's into him like you. With that said, men together with an attractive women attract more women. But I dont think it was THAT much that she suddenly went from disinterest to enough interest to steal him from you.

My oppinion? Both not your friends. Their behavior is kind of the opposite of what a friend would have done (not saying that Tom would have had to stick with you, but lying + breaking your heart on the first opportunity...think about it).
Hope you find your own truth and make a wise decision to get over it.

[Always *]

Well, you really have 3 choices
One is to to stick around and ignore the fact your heart broken and smile pretty and be happy for them. It might hurt more but eventually you'll recover. Now here is the problem, to me it sounds like "Tom" is a bit conflicted... He wanted "Claire", then you, then "Claire" and if you stick around it might make it easier to bounce back to you thus causing you even more turmoil. But if you know that he's not likely to do that, then you can ignore the heartbreak and just try to focus on being happy for them.
Now if you don't want "Tom" to try to come crawling back (thus potentially hurting you again) or if you can't handle the heart break then you need to go with options 2 or 3.
The next thing you could do is just flat up tell them how you feel ("Tom" OR "Claire" OR both of them). Tell them that while you are happy for them being together you are still devastated by the fact that Tom chose "Claire" over you and that you need them to understand that your close to them and it hurts that their happiness has to be at your expense and you just need them to realize how you feel and try to be more understanding towards it. Let them know your trying to get over it but you'd appreciate it if they could try not to be to mushy in front of you. If you don't feel like you can put that on them revert to suggestion #1 OR move to the 3rd idea.
The last thing you can do is simply distance yourself from them for a while, focus on other friends and try to move on, go back closer when it hurts less. This way you don't have to suffer in silence OR tell them what's going on for you if you choose not to and you don't have to bear witness to their lovey dovey crap. It also might help to just see either "Tom" with no "Claire" OR "Claire" with no "Tom", this way you don't have to bear witness to it BUT you don't have to cut them out.
What you do is up to you, but the key thing is obviously to try to move on. Tom seems to be pulling on your heart strings and while I am sure he's a great guy you deserve more, hold out for the guy who will make YOU the priority NOT the second choice. You deserve more and you deserve to be his #1 choice, so do what you have to do to move on. And how you do that really depends on you. If any of my suggestions help then I'll be glad.

My two cents (and words): dump them. As friends or potential partner.