Online dating

[J-man]

Sup all. Just wondering, if you've got an online dating account and you find someone on there who seems interesting how would you go about saying you wanted to meet up in a message?

Is there any point since most online dating sites are loads of guys to one girl anyway?

[Age of Ignorance]

I would say that it's a great opportunity to meet people, but I'm not sure how effective it is. Speaking anecdotally, I know a few people who have lasting relationships that have begun through online dating sites. I'm assuming that's because most people go into these "dates" knowing exactly what the other wants, and they don't have to fluff around with all the bullshit courting phase. So, personally, I'd say it's effective, but it's really hit and miss.

As to how you'd formulate a message, I'd just introduce myself first. Tell her/him what your interests are and ask if they share any of those interests. If they respond in the positive, and they seem keen, ask if they'd like to meet up for a drink or for dinner or whatever it is you're planning. If it fails, thank them and move on, I guess.

I met my boyfriend on a dating site. We've been together for two and a half years now and are still going strong (we're together in person now; he moved to where I live around the time we got together).

You know what the key was? My boyfriend didn't approach me looking for a date or a meet-up, like many other guys had. He thought I was cute, but he left his expectations at the door and just messaged me like I was a normal person. He didn't once mention that I was "hot" or "sexy;" he simply read my profile and talked to me about what was in it and things we had in common. We built up a friendship that way, and then that friendship turned into an opportunity to meet and, eventually, a relationship.

So pay attention to what's on her profile. Talk to her about it. Get a little communication going. Pay attention to her replies; they'll often betray how interested she is. And if you get brave, ask to meet. All she can say is no. And then you move on.

You may get a lot of dead ends, but in the end, girls are just people. Treat them like that and they are more likely to want to pursue something further than online correspondence.

[SamMarie]

I agree with the post above me. I'll be honest, I was never into Online Dating, but that's how my boyfriend and I happened. We've been together for almost a year now and couldn't be happier. (Well, I probably could with him). I think you should pursue the girl by being respectful. I say RESPECTFUL strongly because if you want a serious relationship from someone you'd like to meet on the internet, then don't be like most guys online who only wants someone for their physicality. Message her and tell her how pretty she is. Not terms like, "You're hot and sexy." It's just a turn off. Make the effort to get to understand what her interests are. Then, try to webcam with her on Skype or another available cam site. Observe how interested she is with you and how interested you are with her and then ask her if she wants to meet up. Of course, all of this takes time. Make sure she's not too far from you! I hope things work out. Good luck!

[Dizzy Heights.]

Obviously you have to take a certain amount of care as there are risks involved but I'm sure you're mature enough to recognise that and have heard it all a million times before so I won't even begin to go there.

I tend to find that this is a topic that seems to divide people's opinion. Some swear by online dating while others are adamant that it's not for them and that it doesn't work. You'll hear a fair amount of horror stories but you'll also hear equally as many success stories.

I'm a believer that you shouldn't limit your options that could lead you to meeting new people who could potentially become a big part of your life. Sure, there's a real possibility that you won't end up meeting the love of your life but there's every chance that you'll make friends who you share mutual interests with.

You're right about there being loads of guys to one girl, that's why it's so important to make yourself stand out. A girl might have her inbox flooded on a daily basis but I can assure you that about 99.9% of those messages are derogatory messages from guys who simply looking to freak, guys who are asking to see pictures of her feet because they want to suck her toes or generic messages that have simply been copied and pasted to every other girl on the site. Take the time to read her profile; if you decide to send her a message then be polite, introduce yourself, chat about some of the things that you believe you have in common and ask her questions to not only show that you're interested but to give her something to a compose a reply over. Obviously you don't want to scare her away by asking to meet up too quickly, so just continue to chat, get to know one another and form a friendship until you believe the both of you are comfortable enough to take things a step further.

What have you got to lose? Like I said, at the very least you'll end up meeting a few cool people that you have mutual interests with, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You will never know until you try; even if you don't like it and find that it's not for you then you can always close your account down.

Good luck!

[Always *]

I tried online dating because my friend was all "oh you need a guy wah wah wah", personally I was ok with being alone but I was finally in a healthy place and had the time this summer I thought maybe I'd give it a shot. But when I did, I found it was just frustrating... You get a lot of duds... But any how, my approach was just to talk to a guy a bit and see if we hit it off, like ask him about some part of his profile that interests you or something. I actually ended up meeting one of the guys and WAS talking to this other guy that I would of met only I was getting fed up with the duds (like this one guy who's conversations would just bug me cause he was weird) and I just didn't like it, I was't comfortable with the method of meeting someone... Any ways, my experience with the sites aside, just talk to them and see where it goes