TeenHelp - Guy I like dating my friend..

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Guy I like dating my friend..

So this seems to be a bit of a theme with me. I have a crush on a guy for ages, things seem to be going ok, and then they ask out a mutual friend instead... I think just now is the 4th time this has happened, all with guys I've liked for a while.

The guy I like at the moment is a little older, and we get on really well- I see him all the time and he lives round the corner so we do spend a reasonable amount of time just the two of us. I know that I'm not particularly 'obvious' when I flirt, and a lot of my female friends are far more obvious.. in particular I'm pretty sure he doesn't realise I like him- at least if he does then he's definitely lead me on a bit. Sooo I think he's just being friendly. URGH.

Anyway my friend today told me he asked her on a date, and I def didn't react great.. I decided to tell her that I liked him (but obv to not feel bad and that I'll just deal with it.. which I will). Now thinking that may have been an error- I don't want to make her feel bad about it- as mentioned before my flirting is pretty subtle so she def had no idea that I liked him...

Just feel shitty about the whole thing- to spend so much time liking someone and then now I just need to forget the whole thing :(

Re: Guy I like dating my friend..

Hey there! The solution seems pretty obvious to me: ask your crushes out! What stood out to me is that you "have a crush on a guy for ages"... well, you gotta ACT on that crush at some point! Otherwise, they'll pursue someone else, either because they don't know how you feel, or because they're getting mixed signals (ex. "She seems to flirt with me sometimes, but I can't quite tell... maybe she just sees me as a friend?").

The wonderful thing about dating is that it's just that: dating. You don't have to sign a contract after the first date. You can go on a few dates, or several dates, and THEN decide if you're compatible with your crush. Basically, there's little harm in asking someone out within a month or so of crushing on them. What CAN be harmful, as you've discovered, is waiting too long. Crushes can be relatively short-lived, so take advantage of the small window of opportunity these guys give you, and see how they respond.

Re: Guy I like dating my friend..

I guess you're right- the reason I don't tend to ask guys out is an epic fear of rejection.. I know I'm now old enough to know that you can ask someone on a date without it necessarily meaning much but every time in the past I've 'put myself out there' by expressing an interest in someone its gone badly. The only relationships I've had have started when the guy expressed an obvious interest before I did. So I do tend to wait until they express an obvious interest (or to give up if this is never forthcoming :P). My problem too is that I feel like I'm flirting really obviously but some girls (in the current situation in particular, lots of our mutual female friends) act like that all the time. In fact I'm probably LESS flirty than them because I'm nervous. Haha. I know its probably my fault :( but I still feel rubbish!