Past / dating issues

[MikeG]

The last 3 years were complicated in terms of relationships. The first 2 years I had a crush on a girl even though we didn't quite get along. I thought it was possible that she would like me, but no. I had really strong feelings for her and on the 3rd year I tried to forget her. And I thought I did. Or maybe I have, but I still have some issues with it.

I had very strong feelings for her and I really wanted to be with her. I started looking up life philosophies on how you're the one who controls everything around you and with a shift of the mind you can accomplish anything. I still believe it's true, but it made me believe in this last year that I and her could still be together. I was slowly letting go of my feelings and I thought I really had when I ended school.

Today a friend told me he had gotten a text from her, something that could have also been texted to me. I felt hurt and jealous of my friend and that's not really a sign that I'm over her. There's still something that needs to be resolved.

I had her number on my old phone, but since I manually put all my contacts on my new one, I decided to not bring her number over. I felt bad when I did this. Like I'm losing out on something.

I think this is sticking to me in such a way that is hindering my dating. I don't feel interested for other girls, because I always see flaws in them. I had the image of the perfect girl and sadly my old crush has exactly what I want in a girl. Thusly I'm always comparing every girl to her and I see flaws in every single girl I meet. Heck I don't even want to meet other girls, because in a whole year I haven't found any girl like her so I just quit.

Funny thing is, I want a perfect relationship. It's something I really wanted since 3 years ago. But I simply have something in the way that doesn't let me become interested in girls. I could be being too picky, but if I'm not then I won't get the perfect girl.

This is confusing, but I need some help in this matter. It's simply unhealthy to still think about a girl for 3 years and still have her screwing my mind over.

[PSY]

The girl you have/had a crush on is far from perfect. I mean, if she was perfect for you, why didn't the two of you end up dating? Don't blame it on yourself - after all, if she was perfect, she would have been patient and helped you sort through whatever was interfering with the relationship, right? So clearly, she's not perfect.

What happens in situations like these is that people put crushes on "pedestals," and they develop unrealistic expectations for other potential crushes/partners. They see their first crush as this flawless person, but what they're really seeing is their PERCEIVED IDEAL. It's not real, and no matter how hard you try, you'll never find someone without flaws. You're flawed, I'm flawed, everyone is flawed. What makes a relationship "perfect" is when two people can communicate and pour their hearts/time/energy into making the relationship strong. If you believe that, then the good news is there are many people who can help you create the "perfect" relationship. They will all have their unique flaws, and the chemistry they have with you will be slightly different, but at the end of the day, if you both put in the effort, you can both be happy.