Triggering (Grieving): Girlfriend lost a pet and a family member...

[semiunbalanced]

Not too long ago my girlfriend lost her favorite pet in the entire world. It wasn't digesting things properly and passed away in his sleep. When my girlfriend woke up to her dad crying she knew it wasn't good but she didn't imagine that he could die. She's still upset about it and randomly texts me in the middle of the night bawling because she misses him and it's so unfair. My heart absolutely breaks for her. I know how much she loved that thing. It was the only living creature in the house that she actually liked since she doesn't get along with her parents.

Early this morning I woke up to a text saying she was coming home from her vacation early because her grandpa passed away. She still hasn't gotten over her bunny and now this? I know she's strong but I'm stressed for her.

What's the best way that I can support her? I can't really go over to her house or be there at the funeral of her grandpa since her family doesn't really support our relationship (and I would really rather not disrespect the family when they're dealing with loss by showing up somewhere where they don't want to have to deal with that). I can't send her flowers or anything like that either or her parents will just trash it. What's a creative way to remind her that she still has somebody that loves and cares for her?

[J.Lynn]

Just be there for her. I've lost a few people in my life and the best thing you could do is let her know that if she needs someone to talk to, you're there but if she isn't ready then that's okay too. She probably needs time to cope which could be a movie night with you just eating pizza and watching her favorite DVDs or maybe just being able to spend a day with you doing something else she likes. Grieving over anything is difficult and she probably just needs a shoulder to cry on and someone willing to be there for her and listen to how she is feeling.

[Beautiful Disaster]

Hey there,

Sorry it has taken me a while to reply. I'm sorry for your girlfriends loss and I want to say well done for stepping up to support her when some would 'run away'.

I think it is a good that you have respected her family by not going to the funeral, I think it is really good that you have acknowledged that it wouldn't be a good idea, well done.

In terms of supporting her - just be there for her. Coping with a loss of people close to you is hard and it will take her time to be able to cope with these two losses. However she will get to the point she can cope, but she may need reminding of that. As mentioned, things like movie nights - nice chilled out times where there is no expectation of her to do anything and time to take her mind off things at home. Could she make a scrapbook or have photo's of the bunny and Grandpa she has lost, so when she feels ready she can remember the good times? Or when she is upset - could you ask her about a good memory she has had with them both?

Also, could you maybe write her a card which explains that you will be there for her and that it will be okay and just take time, but that she will be okay. That will probably be of comfort to herself and she can read it whenever she likes.

The key thing is to give her space to grieve and be upset but try not to let it take over your relationship - you need to make time to spend together when this isn't the focus of attention, if that makes sense?

I hope this has helped a bit,

Anna