I don't want to be the girlfriend that's hung up on her ex.

[Ambiance]

A quick break down of my current: He's gorgeous, he has Daddy issues and a shitty homelife but he's like nice to everyone and the easiest to get along with, he's really funny, he's really good at guitar, and really good in bed, and we were already best friends. We've been dating three months and he's truly a sweetheart. Obviously I'm totally infatuated with him. I think I've figured out that that's what I'm feeling, though... It's just like I LIKE him a *lot*, and I want in his pants all the time, but I don't love him like I loved my ex. There's this warm cuddly feeling that's not there and I just miss it so much. But this is a two year relationship compared to three months... and my ex really mistreated me on some levels, in ways that my current certainly hasn't. Getting back together with my ex would do the following things: break my current's heart, make all my friends hate me, put me in a long distance relationship that might still go south where as in this one I can just sleep over in my boyfriend's bed twenty minutes away..., I don't know how much I would regret losing my current, I know I would miss him and I can't bear the thought of booting him from my life, but I don't want to date him and think of my ex... but I know that my current really needs me... he accidentally OD'd two weeks ago, his Dad does drugs and is not the best person ever, and I've boosted his confidence quite a bit after the trainwreck his last girlfriend made him emotionally. He is really and truly a *great* guy; none of his friends have any idea of the emotional self-esteem issues he goes through, you'd never think the funny good-looking guy who pals around with everyone had such a mess in his life I guess. But sometimes I just feel like we're best friends who sleep together, and I know that's nowhere near how he thinks of me.

I'm just really confused is the problem and I needed to rant. But I guess I just want to feel that if my ex was, like, the one, then he and I will always have a shot in the future and I haven't totally ruined it. But that's just really selfish. I mean, I don't WANT to be with the guy I'm with and thinking of my ex still; we broke up nearly six months ago. My current is getting really serious, and I just wish I could feel like all my options were open for the future.

Beware of graduation goggles. They've gotten many a person in trouble many a time.

So let's condense this a bit:

Your Boyfriend- is handsome, kind, easy-going, good in bed, is local, your best friend, funny, and sensitive. Emotionally unstable. You really really like him. You've been together three months.

Your ex- is abusive, would hurt your best friend, would alienate your entire social group, would put you in a long distance relationship. You loved him. You were together two years.

In regards to your current boyfriend, you've only been together for three months. Three months is a far cry from two years, not to mention each relationship is different. Just because you aren't feeling "the love" yet doesn't mean you need to panic and break it off.

As for your ex, it sounds like you loved him but that this relationship was unhealthy for you. Leaving your current relationship for him would bring your more cons than pros. All you have is the feeling of love, which though important, is pretty overshadowed with all of those other things.

For now, don't think about how much your current boyfriend needs you. Staying with someone solely because they are in a delicate place is not always a good decision. Sometimes it can lead to more resentment than love, so set that one aside for a moment.

To me it sounds like it's really not a matter of either one. It's a matter of you miss the feeling of love. You miss the cuddly closeness. It's not in your current relationship, so it seems like a better idea to return to a relationship where you knew you had it.

Ultimately, you shouldn't be dating someone if your relationship is not satisfying to you.It's also not necessarily fair to date someone while you are still hung up on someone else. Things would certainly be helped by communicating with your boyfriend. He may be in a delicate spot, but you are not his savior. You are in a relationship, and that goes two ways: you need to be able to have his support, too, and not feel selfish. If he is in too unstable of a place to provide that, then maybe you have something things to think about.

But you also shouldn't get back together with someone who was not good for you because you miss the feeling you had with them. It can be tempting to think that will make up for the downsides, but it won't. Exes are exes for a reason, and there is never an excuse for mistreating someone.

There is also the option of not dating either. Your best friend needs help, and your ex was not a good partner for you. Perhaps give yourself time to get healthy from over your ex and your boyfriend time to heal his emotional wounds, too.

With these things in mind you have more information to make your decision. Each is going to have benefits and sacrifices. It's up to you to choose which is healthiest for you.

[Ambiance]

This is really the best advice I've gotten so far, thank you so much! I've been having thoughts about just being single even before this. I don't know, I made a mistake and got in contact with my ex, just telling him I was sorry for toying with his emotions; I would always tell him I wanted to be friends and hang out but I would flake out. We had a nice conversation about how he's over me and indifferent to my presence before he asked me if I was still interested in getting back together, suggested we talk it over in a couple months. Lmfao. Anyways, I've realized that I'm best off staying with my current but not making it too serious of a relationship. It's not even that I don't love my current, because I do, it's just a different feeling and I think I got overly-reminiscient because I've spent the past two summers with my ex. On top of all that, my interest severely waned as soon as my ex said he was interested in getting me back. I think what I was really missing was his friendship, and I've managed to put the whole thing into perspective. Thank you so much for the advice, no need to respond to this, I was just articulating things for myself xD