Dating someone older - 8 years

[Sylinagigirox2012]

I want to know people's opinion on a 14 year old long-distance dating a 22 year old. No sex has occurred and things are kept respectable. They say they love each other and cute things like that but aside from that seem more like really good friends that hope to one day be together (get married and sh*t) after the 14 year old is of age. Is that wrong?

[Bibliophile]

8 years is a long time age wise. The way you're describing it, though, makes it sound relatively 'okay'. You're not having sex, which would change things completely. If the 22 year old is respectful of the law and the 14 year old's opinions, and both parties are happy, I don't see any problems with it. Whatever pleases them!

[Harmony♥]

I disagree with the above. I answered "Yes, it's illegal" and another "yes".

My beliefs are this: the minor is 14, the adult is 22. How can a relationship survive 4 years (until the minor is of age) to make things work when those two parties are both at different stages of their life. The 14 year old is entering high school, or just finishing up their first year of high school, while the 22 year old is just finishing up college...maybe even graduating this year and thinking about long-term plans. A 22 year old can't do things with a 14 year old because of the age limits, and let's face it: there are needs out there for people, needs that a 14 year old can't fulfill without accusations being made.

I think the relationship would be best put on hold until the 14 year old is of age, and THEN they can see where things lead then. If the two still feel the same way for each other, only then would I sit back and say "I was wrong". But, until then, I truly believe that someone is going to get hurt and I doubt it will be the 22 year old.

[Eternal]

The problem with age gaps, especially ones as large as this, is that both people will be in two very different points in their lives. This can lead to them wanting different things, and it can cause disagreements because they won't see everything eye to eye.
I know this from experience because a few months ago I was dating a 20 year old. It ended up not working out because he wanted to get married as soon as I was 18, but I didn't. He was more serious about the relationship than I was, as I'm only 16.
This could be the case between the 14 and 22 year old, only its an even bigger age gap which can cause more varying.

While it is possible that it could work out, I think it would be best if the 14 year old waited until they are of age before getting into an 8 year age gap relationship.

[bitesize]

I'm sorry but I don't agree with this at all. 14 and 22 are two completely different ages and you're at different stages in life, different levels of maturity and experience.....also I can see how the 14 year old might be pulled in but what would a 22 year old want with someone that much younger?? I just think this is wrong. Sorry.

[Michy_Blackrose]

Sorry, misread the ages at first!

I don't think there's anything wrong with age gaps, in general, but it really depends at what stage in your life you're at. The one between you at present, will most certainly have its own complications.

Personally, i've always happened to date guys a few years younger, or a fair bit older than me, and got a lot of stick for it at school, especially.

The important this is, you feel for each other, can communicate on a similar level, and feel like 'equals'. I'm currently in a complicated relationship with a 31 year old guy, but the complexity doesn't directly have anything to do with age, in current circumstances, however where 'you're at' in life, has played its own role in our previous breakup.

It is important to respect legal boundaries, although that can be a bit of a grey area as it has been with me on one ocassion, with one of my exs - mutual definite consent is crucial with things like sex, and maturity about that.

It really depends on the person, how you feel about each other, and if you're on the 'same page' with your wants and your needs.

With the age gap in this stage of your life, i think you need to be very careful, as your wants and needs are almost certainly going to be different.

I hope that helps

Michy.

[Kumagoro]

If it's not a physical relationship, then I don't think it's immoral. However, that doesn't mean I'd put a lot of faith in it working out, because as others have said, there's a huge difference in age and maturity. I would be more worried about how two people could sustain a relationship at such very different stages in their life, with the distance on top of that, and then of course the taboo.

24 and 32 would be a different story altogether - I even know adult couples who have at least ten years between them, and they work out okay. But in my opinion, a 14-year-old would be much better off dating someone closer to their age, and seeing older people at a more suitable age (at least 18).

[iHEAVENn]

I'm currently 24 married to a 32 year old.
For a few months out of every year we are in the 8 year age gap.
HOWEVER neither one of us are a teenager, both of us know what we want, and are able to work towards it together without having to worry about what mommy or daddy or the law thinks.

Also a 14 year old has no way of knowing if the person they are talking to is actually 8 years older, or is in fact who they claim to be online.

Honestly, if you can just end the relationship and enjoy being 14 don't get tied down by an internet relationship.

[Coffee.]

Is it WRONG for the two to date? Well, who am I to judge right or wrong? So I can't really vote in this poll. However, this is my opinion:

There are a lot of problems in this situation. The age gap completely harms your ability to see eye to eye, your long distance makes a starting relationship difficult, and your age makes it illegal in most areas to engage in anything sexually, which as much as it's not necessary in a relationship it is helpful and does have an importance in most relationships. I really would reconsider this. Normally, I'm all for age gaps. However, there are just a lot of issues with this. If you think he's the one, then I'm all for waiting until you're old enough for sexual contact and keeping the relationship distance, then that's fine. But really think about this: If you have to lie to your parents for four years, is this really worth it?

That's a very large age gap to bridge. There is a world of difference between a fourteen-year-old and a twenty-two year old, right down to the fact their brains work differently; the fourteen-year-old's is much less developed than the twenty-two-year-old's.

Also, as I myself am a month shy of turning twenty-two, I really have to question why someone that age would rather be with someone who is barely a teenager than an adult closer to or over his own age. It is INCREDIBLY unlikely that all intentions behind that are honest, and they are certainly not appropriate.

In my book this is both legally and morally reprehensible. However, I'm not in the relationship in question; that's something up to the parties involved (assuming the law doesn't get involved for them). But I would suggest examining all the problems and consequences of being in such a relationship at this age before proceeding further.