First Online Dating Experience...

[Dark-and-Twisty]

All right. So I'm 20 years old and single. I've had a few guys interested me over the course of my college career, but none that I've liked back. I'm typically shy, and I'm often friend-zoned. I've been in love with my best friend for about a year now, and he knows how I feel about him. He's still here for me, though, and he's been trying to help me out.

Anyway I decided to try my hand at online dating last week, despite being told not to by my mother. She basically said she would never approve of a guy I met online because that automatically means "he's a creep." Whatever, I'm 20-years-old and I don't live with my mother. I'm inclined to make my decisions. Just to be safe, though, I told several of my friends what I was doing. After all, I have several friends who also online date.

I met this guy last Friday and gave him my number. I didn't want to drag on the whole online conversation, because as far as I'm concerned, it's really no different than giving a guy your number in a bar. We texted for a week and we seemed to have a lot in common. He's a virgin and so am I, but he appears to be HIGHLY sheltered. I was sheltered when I came to college, but I would say...I'm fairly sex-educated. I have guy friends who are virgins or were virgins when I met them, and they know/knew a lot more than he does... it worries me a bit. I kind of get the feeling he doesn't get out much, if at all.

Anyway, that's not really the only thing that makes me a little leery. We had our date on Thursday, and he showed up wearing a T-shirt like 3x too big for him. Here I am, dressed to my best, and he was dressed like a thug! My best friend was there with me when I met him, and let's just say I talked to my friend for 4 hours after the date.

I've talked to various people, and I've been told to just dump him, but my friend has warned me not to break his heart. He keeps texting me, and he's said stuff like, "I hope I'm still your future boyfriend!" Umm, dude, you just met me, who are you to even think that?

I kind of want to hang on to him just a little longer so I can educate him how to behave appropriately in social situations. That's just my nature, I feel bad for people and I want to help them. I wouldn't mind being his friend, but I don't want to date him. If anything, I want to invite him to hang out with my friends. But... at the same time, I don't want to break his heart, and I certainly don't want him to get his hopes up, if they already aren't too up.

I feel like I'm turning into a heart breaker! I've already broke three other guys' hearts since coming to college. That's not a lot, I suppose, compared to some girls, but I don't have guys flaunting all over me.

My mom tells me if I keep shoving the ones interested in me away I'm just going to end up alone. And that's what I'm afraid of.

I mean, we talked for several hours on the phone without problem, but when we met in person it was just awkward! Mainly it was due to lack of physical attraction on my end, and the way he was dressed!

I mean, I realize attraction can grow over time, like I wasn't insanely attracted to my best friend when I first met him. I thought he was cute, but I didn't start having "those" feelings for him until 8 months later.

Sorry this is so long, what should I do?

[MD8]

I think you should break up with him, but maintain a friendship and see how he will react. If he seems cool with it that's where you go with the relationship. However if he gets emotional /crazy you cut him lose.

Personally I think you picked the wrong dude, any guy that is that emotionally attract after two week has some issues. It might be from you are his first real girlfriend, however just be his friend if he is cool with it.

On a side note with your relationship with him do you like him and do you guys connect? Realistically if he is willing to change the way he is dressed it could workout. Plus on a side not you bringing your best friend may have made him uncomfortable. Put your self in his shoes, he is on his first date ever, nervous as hell to meet you, then it turns out there is two girls he must try to connect with.

[Dark-and-Twisty]

We're not in a relationship, yet. At least as far as I'M concerned, we're not. Don't know about his eyes. I don't know about his, but as far as I'm concerned I'm free to look at other guys.

Yeah, he was already bringing up MARRIAGE, oh boy... I just met you, and he wants to talk about marriage. Some of it I think it is pressure on his parents' part. He told me he's the only guy in his generation, so he's the only one who can carry on his family name. Which is a pretty lame reason to rush into marriage/having kids.

Well, he met me at my apartment and my friend was already here. And my best friend's a guy, so yeah, that probably made it a little awkward for him. Though, I'd already told him upfront that my best friend was a guy and he seemed cool with that. He was really nervous, both my friend and I picked up on that. But that should have given him even a better incentive to dress to "impress" me. Don't know what was going through his head.

He said he's been on a couple other dates, and the girls were all dressed like he was. O.O Interesting girls he's gone out with.. I guess I am kind of girly.

We connected well on the phone, just not in person. :/ We talked for 2 hours on two separate nights.

I guess that's the wonder of online dating... you'd think that if you can talk online, you'd get along well in person. Though, I've had situations where I connect well in person but the person annoys the heck out of me in an online conversation (mainly due to the lack-of grammar knowledge). I guess I should look for the ones who don't know proper grammar, opposed to the ones who are grammar-fanatics like me.

Although would you find it strange that I WASN'T nervous at all? Normally I get nervous when I meet someone for the first time, but I was completely myself around him... I acted like I was hanging out with any guy friend.

[MD8]

Ya i would cut him lose, that is scary he is already emotionally attract. There is no guy that i have come cross in my life that is that willing to commit after a few phone calls and one date. The guy either is really horrible with women or is just really new to the situation of dating. I am the same I always find the best out of people, even though i think you should break up with him, you should help him. Give him some advice, invite him to participate in a group event etc, but be careful and watch him as you don't know his motives.


As for online dating it's really is not that bad, there are a lot of decent people out there. The only problem with online dating is the communication aspect, you don't see body language,etc. I connect well with everybody online, however in person its about body language,attitude etc.

Btw why are scared of ending up alone? You are young and are tossing guys away, eventually you will met the right one. There is no point in settle for someone who does not met your expectation as it will create problems down the line.

[Dark-and-Twisty]

I guess it sucks, because I've had my heart broken and I've been friend-zoned many times, so I know what it's like. And the person who's hurt me the most is my best friend, yet I still love him. It's just different, because we were friends before I had feelings for him.

Part of me is afraid that I could toss away someone who may not meet my expectations now, but may in the future. We've all heard of the classic high school/college geek who turns into a major stud twenty years later. Or the high school/college jock who turns into a major geek in twenty years.

You'll always wonder what you could have had.

I hope he won't be completely fall apart when I suggest we just be friends. In the past, I've always wanted the guys out of my life all together, mainly because we had NOTHING in common at all. Usually, "Let's just be friends" means "I never want to see you again," to me.

We actually have some stuff in common, and I could see myself being able to help him, at least with the clothing and the socializing aspect.

[MD8]

Ya i would help him. Plus your also in a sticky situation with your best friend. But that is a different story altogether. Guys are insecure when a girl has a guy as a best friend, especially when the girl had feelings for him.

In the end like a true hollywood romantic movie you will probably end up with your best friend. One day he will likely wake up and realize he has feelings for you. The sticky situation would be if your in a relationship.

[Dark-and-Twisty]

Ha, I didn't tell him I've had feelings for my best friend. My friend actually asked me if I'd told him, but no. That's not something I'd share with any guy I'd just started dating, if ever. Well, I might tell him after he'd gotten to know my friend better, or if they were friends. Even then, it's touchy.

Haha... wouldn't that be the true Hollywood story? That's what my mom is hoping will happen, but I doubt it. He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend is 2000 miles away, but he's madly in love with her. So unless something changes there, that Hollywood story won't ever happen. I can always dream though.

[Brandon]

Online dating is great. My girlfriend and I just celebrated our year anniversary, and I met her on the internet. My mom was into online dating, and I think that people give it bad rep when they do something stupid. You've done the right thing by being smart when it comes to online dating...being respectful, but also being cautious. There are a lot of weird people out there...not just on the internet but in real life also. Online dating is the best resource for people who are single and looking for a relationship, so I'm glad you made a good decision by trying it out.

With that being said...you cannot try to date other people while you're in love with someone. I'm sure you may be thinking...well, if I date other people...maybe I'll end up liking someone else instead of my best friend. While it may seem like a good idea, it rarely works out that way. As long as you're in love with your best friend, a part of you is going to hope that your best friend falls for you. You have the consider the possibility of something like that happening, and what will happen when now YOU are in a committed relationship with someone you like. Are you going to dump the guy to be with your best friend now that the door has been opened? You can't be in love with anyone else...so either you need to stop being in love with your best friend, or you need to patiently wait. Otherwise, potentially...you may break another person's heart and at that point...it's gonna be a "I told you so."

Now, there's a potential problem with dating services because they mostly target a select audience...people who can't get relationships or people who get all the wrong types of relationships. For a lot of people, dating services are a last alternative...so you need to consider the fact that some people may have low self-confidence, low social skills, etc. So it's kind of a game of chance. People can say all the things they want to on the internet, but in reality...things could be a little bit different interaction. If you go on one date and you don't like the presentation, that's life. You have no obligation to continue dating, continue messaging the guy, or anything. It's not heart break when you let him down as soon as possible...otherwise he'll develop an emotional attachment and it'll end up being worse than it should be. He goes on a dating service, so there's always someone who is gonna message him again at some point. Don't worry about what happens to him. As long as it doesn't directly reflect your life, he could commit suicide and it still wouldn't be your problem.

[MD8]

Originally Posted by Marshmellow

Ha, I didn't tell him I've had feelings for my best friend. My friend actually asked me if I'd told him, but no. That's not something I'd share with any guy I'd just started dating, if ever. Well, I might tell him after he'd gotten to know my friend better, or if they were friends. Even then, it's touchy.

Haha... wouldn't that be the true Hollywood story? That's what my mom is hoping will happen, but I doubt it. He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend is 2000 miles away, but he's madly in love with her. So unless something changes there, that Hollywood story won't ever happen. I can always dream though.

lol that makes it even more into a hollywood story, if you two ever end up together you have a plot for a movie. Plus you never know about long distance relationships, the stats are not in favor for them lasting.

[J-man]

He sounds ridiculously clingy and obsessive. If you did date him, he'd probably freak when he found out you had feelings for your best friend, who you spend a lot of time with (by the sound of it).

Also, Brandon's post pretty much summed up what I was going to say

[til'death]

I "online" dated for awhile, but most of the guys I met just wanted to find a hook up... and to be honest, I wasn't really looking for anything serious. I definatley know what you're going through... been friend - zoned pretty much my whole life. fell for my bestfriend, and lets just say we hate each other now.

I also met a few people online who pretty much fell in love with me off the bat, like they had it set in their own minds that they were going to marry me. I even had one guy who told me he was going to DIE, and wanted to spend the last of his days with me... he was completely lying.


I don't know, I think you should completely end this relationship/friendship with this guy and keep looking. This guy sounds really naive and I don't think he sounds like even a good friend for you.


I thought I was going to be alone, because every relationship I ever had burned to ground in a fire-y spat. I didn't meet my husband online, I met him through friends... and some people are very successful at online dating, I wasn't and it was a huge waste of my time.

If you want to chat you cam PM me, I'll be able to answer your questions one on one and be able to better give you advice.