Secretly Dating?

[colie18]

So here is the deal.

I am dating this guy that I basically grew up together from the day I was born. He is basically my best friend. His mother is best friends with my aunt, so we have always considered ourselves family, cousins to be exact. Recently.. i.e 3 days ago we started dating and no one knows. We are keeping it a secret. We don’t want our family to know because we don’t know how they would react, considering we consider him family, like my aunt considers him a nephew and we cousins consider him a cousin too. I don’t know what to do about that... I don’t like hiding my boyfriend from my sister or my best friends. It is so hard not telling them anything.

Here is the next problem however. I don’t know how to feel about him. I tell him I love him, but I don’t how if the love I feel for him is family oriented or boyfriend oriented. I just feel numb thinking about it. I don’t know if I want a relationship with him. I am just conflicted I guess. A part of me is like “he is family... he is your cousin... eww thats just gross.” While another part of me says, “You know you have always loved him just go for it and see where it leads, it might be something amazing.” And then another part says “Don’t do it because you don’t know where it is going to lead just watch out.. he is family be careful. “ I am so conflicted I don’t know what to think at all. I don’t know what I want. I mean I like being with him, but I just feel numb. Normally when I am dating someone I feel something.. like guilt and depression, (i.e this is wrong, I shouldn’t being doing this.) or I feel nervous and anxious, (i.e all I can think about is him, all I want to do is be with him, and thinking about him makes the butterflies crawl in my belly.) However with him.. i feel nothing.. like it isn’t real. Like he isn’t my boyfriend.. like he is still my cousin. I just feel nothing. I mean I feel a little worried, but other than that.. I feel absolutely nothing.

Here is a little more info:
We have already kissed. (again felt absolutely nothing through it)
He is 18 and I am 17.
We have only been dating for 3 days.
I don’t know if I even need a relationship at this time.. with college coming up and a whole bunch of stress on me from school and work and family. I don’t think I need a relationship but I don’t know.

I just someone else perspective on this whole situation. I don’t know what to do.

[Jas]

Honestly it sounds to me like you are not into this guy at all. I'm not getting even a shred of attraction to him from your post. I'd end it now, there's absolutely no point having a relationship with someone you feel nothing for.
I'm not even touching the secretly dating thing. I think that's probably just another sign that this isn't right for you.

[Vergil]

I agree with the above poster. If your not feeling alot of the boyfriend kind of attraction and a good part of you is telling you its a bad idea just end it. Or you can always talk to him about it aswell.

Also about the secret dating thing. If you really cant be open about dating a person to your family then I think dating the person is right for you.

[Flavalicious]

Hi Nicole, I remember you from your previous thread.
I mentioned to you before that your love for him might be just a love for family. You can be so easily confused since you've been with him for all your life and you're just so comfortable with him being around you.

I think if you don't feel what you suppose to feel with a boyfriend when you're with him, then leave it. It's better to end the relationship earlier rather than leaving it for long, giving him false hope and later on telling him that you can't love him as a boyfriend.

There's a big chance that your friendship with him will change after that; but since you have lots of things going on in your life, I think at least being busy will keep you distracted from this matter for now until you start your college.

[Skeleton]

I agree that it does sound like there is no attraction there and your love for him is more because of how close you are rather than 'I'm in love with you' type of love plus if you're doing it in secret too, that isn't fair on either of you. If you're with someone, you should be able to say 'me and so and so are together' and not have to hide it from everyone. I'd end it now, it's only been a few days so it's not like it's going to be as bad as if it was 3 months and you decided to do this and as you're so close, I'm sure he'd understand your reasons.

If you really like someone, there is always a spark. If you aren't feeling the spark, you're probably just not that into him.