Supporting a loved one with cancer

[Storyteller.]

Supporting a loved one with cancer
By Dez (Terabithia.)

What is cancer?

The two types of tumors that can be found in the body are benign and malignant: benign tumors are masses of cells that cannot spread to other organs or invade the surrounding tissue, while malignant tumors invade surrounding tissue and may begin to invade other organs if not treated quickly. The term “cancer” is used to describe malignant tumors. Cancer is a condition in which abnormal cells in the body begin to grow out of control. There are over one hundred types of cancer, depending on the area it affects; for example lung, liver, or pancreas. There are also multiple treatment methods.

Two common treatments are chemotherapy and radiation. Chemotherapy is when chemicals are used to destroy cancer cells, and can be used to cure a patient of cancer or to prevent the cancer from recurring. In advanced stages of cancer, chemotherapy can slow down the progression of the disease and relieve some of the symptoms a sufferer may be facing. Chemotherapy can also be used in combination with other treatments, such as radiation therapy, which is when high-energy radiation is used to kill cancer cells and shrink tumors. Radiation is used in hopes of curing the patient of cancer, or relieving the symptoms in advanced stage cancer.

Each person reacts differently to cancer and its treatments; therefore, what symptoms one person gets, another may not. Someone may experience nausea and vomiting. They may gain or lose weight. Sometimes treatments such as chemotherapy may cause them to lose their hair, but this is not always the case. The way they taste or smell things may change during their treatment, so they may not be able to handle some foods and scents that they used to. Someone dealing with cancer and/or its treatment may be quite fatigued. People with cancer can have days when they feel good, as well as days when they feel poorly.

Cancer can’t always be cured. When it reaches this stage, it is known as terminal cancer. The cancer may "metastasize," or start to spread to other parts of the body. As the cancer cells spread, the organs will begin to have a difficult time going about their functions. The patient may be in pain. They may also have problems eating or digesting food. The patient will grow weak and fatigued, and they will be more susceptible to infection. It is best to keep a person with terminal cancer as comfortable as possible in their final months of life. Instead of focusing on "curative care," the focus shifts to "comfort care," where the goal is to manage the patient's pain as effectively as possible. Some people may look into hospice care to ensure the pain is effectively managed. Many hospices also employ social workers, counselors, and spiritual leaders to ensure the patient and their family members receive adequate emotional support, both before and after the death has occurred. Other people will care for their loved one themselves and rely on their own resources.

How can I support somebody who has cancer?

Cancer can be a challenging condition, both physically and emotionally. It can greatly help a person with cancer to have the support of their loved ones around them. This will lift their spirits and give them some motivation to keep fighting.

• When you are supporting someone with cancer, don’t worry about being unsure of what to say, or having the “right” thing to say. What matters the most is being there to listen. Your loved one may need someone to vent to when things get rough, and they will appreciate it if you take some time to listen to what is going on. If you have any questions about what they are going through, feel free to ask, but be respectful if they don’t wish to share.
• Just be yourself! You don’t have to feel as if you are walking on eggshells around your loved one. They will appreciate a friendly, smiling face. Not all of your conversations have to be focused on their illness. Speak with your loved one as you normally would.
• Try and spend time with your loved one when possible, and even get them to laugh or smile. They will enjoy your company. Do things such as play games, watch movies, or, if they’re up to it, you can even go on a walk. It will be a change of pace, and will definitely bring up their mood. As they say, “laughter is the best medicine.”
• Be helpful. You can offer to go with them to one of their appointments for added encouragement, or even assist them with some of the housework so they can get a bit of rest.
• Remember that sometimes a small gesture can go a long way!

What if I am struggling with my loved one’s diagnosis?

It may be difficult to watch your loved one deal with cancer, and it is okay if you are having a hard time with this. Don't feel ashamed if you are struggling; it is completely natural to feel this way. It is important to find ways to deal with these emotions, however.

If you are having a hard time coping with the diagnosis of your loved one, you don’t have to deal with it alone. Reach out to your other friends and family members. They are going through something similar, and you can all act as a support system to one another. You can also speak with a school guidance counselor, teacher, or other trusted adult.

Try and find ways to express your emotions so they aren't pent up inside. You can express your feelings through art, writing, or music. Exercise is a great way for a person to work out their stress in a healthy way. It may be useful for you to take up a hobby or join a social group in order to enjoy yourself and get your mind off of the negative feelings. Alternatively, set days aside for you to just relax! Maybe you can treat yourself to a warm bath or shower, then watch some of your favorite movies.

You may find that you have to take time off from school or work in order to adequately care for yourself or your loved one. If you are a minor, your parent or guardian may need to contact your school in order to request time off for you. They can explain the situation to your school’s administration and be granted approval. Try to speak with your teachers about this leave of absence. Most will be understanding and willing to work with you in terms of making up any missed assignments or exams. When requesting time off from work, you may need to submit a written request to your boss. Some employers will require you to use a specific form or provide documentation of your loved one's illness, so be sure to ask your boss about this right away. If possible, ensure any projects with upcoming deadlines are reassigned or properly handled during your absence, and give your boss plenty of notice so they are able to find someone to cover your shifts.

Remember that while it is important to support your loved ones during this time, you have to take care of yourself as well. You don't deserve to get burnt out, and it will be easier to support your loved one if you have a clear head. Even if you are only capable of doing small acts of kindness, don't feel as if you aren't doing enough.