Coping with social anxiety at school

[Storyteller.]

Coping with social anxiety at school
By Gareth (Oracle.)

Everyone feels nervous or self-conscious sometimes. Even the most confident of people can get the jitters just before a big occasion, such as an interview or giving a speech in front of a large group of people. This is perfectly normal and generally nothing to worry about, but when these feelings are very powerful and you just can’t seem to shake them, it can be a sign of a more serious issue. Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is more than just the occasional feeling of self-consciousness. It is an intense fear of social situations, especially those in which you feel like you’re being watched or judged by other people. You may even spend days before social situations fretting about them, feeling anxious by just thinking about what could happen.

As one of millions of teenagers who have been diagnosed with the disorder, I can say from experience that school is often a very frightening place, not only for people who suffer from social anxiety, but for those who are shy or self-conscious in general. Being called on to answer a question in class can be torturous, as you fear the embarrassment of answering the question wrong in front of your classmates. Essentially, the underlying fear behind social anxiety disorder is being scrutinised by others.

Have you ever been sickened by the very thought of not performing as well as everyone else, or being embarrassed in front of large groups of people? You've probably been told that your fears are ridiculous or irrational, but you just can't seem to shake them. It may not seem so, but there are plenty of ways to overcome your anxiety and build up your confidence. Understanding the disorder is important, as it helps to know what triggers your feelings of anxiety. Does interacting with authoritative figures make you feel nervous? Is speaking in front of groups your worst nightmare? Perhaps you are overcome with anxiety when interacting with people you respect, such as close friends, or maybe you only feel anxious when interacting with strangers and can easily talk to people whom you are already familiar with. You could make a list of situations in which you feel especially anxious, as this could help with overcoming your fears in specific scenarios.

Personally, I’m frightened by the thought of eating or drinking in public. That, combined with a general fear of being watched or evaluated by others, led to a rather stressful situation during my lunch break. I couldn’t bring myself to sit in the school canteen. I was terrified by the idea of everyone in my school staring at me. Looking back, it was an absurd fear, but I let it control me, and I ended up spending every lunch break in the locker room for an entire year.

Unfortunately, situations like this aren’t uncommon for teenagers with social anxiety issues. A quick browse through TeenHelp's Anxiety sub-forum will reveal dozens of threads reporting on not speaking in class or even being afraid to attend school, as the original poster's anxiety is insurmountable. Their grades and relationships with family members and friends can suffer because of this. The people facing these scenarios can feel hopeless, watching their seemingly confidentpeers striding around, wondering if it is in any way possible for them to be the same way.

Speaking out and seeking help for these issues is advisory in extreme cases, especially in situations where your ability to function at school is being affected by your anxiety. This is easier said than done a lot of the time. It took me weeks to build up the courage to talk to my school counsellor about my problems at lunchtime. Now an alternative has been sorted out for my lunch break, and the counsellor is working with me to improve my confidence in social situations. I haven't given up hope of being able to return to the canteen someday! If you find yourself struggling due to your social anxiety issues, or facing circumstances such as the examples cited above, you should talk to someone as soon as possible.

Therapy isn’t always necessary. A good tip for helping yourself is to challenge your negative thinking. “I know I’ll end up making a fool of myself” should become “Do I know for sure that I’ll make a fool of myself?” Whenever you identify a negative thought like the former statement, challenge it, and you may find yourself thinking more realistically or positively about the situation.

As terrifying as talking to your classmates may seem, you must try building friendships with other people at school. Don’t be afraid! If you find it to be too intimidating, you could try approaching people who appear shy or quiet. Smile or nod at someone who sits near you in class, and talk about something school-related, as that’s the one thing you and your classmates all have in common. Comment on a recent exam or assignment, and get a conversation going. After this, you can find out what else you have in common with your new friend. Try to talk to them as often as you can, and you will eventually feel more comfortable talking to them. Friends can help you overcome your anxiety. They can lend a helping hand when you feel distressed, or work with you to build your confidence in social situations.

Facing your fears is also important. I was never one for speaking in front of other people. I would feel very uncomfortable in a situation where I had to give a speech or even talk while others were listening. Despite this challenge, I recently tried out for my school’s public speaking competition, narrowly being beaten in the semi-final, and found I rather enjoyed it. Avoiding situations can make anxiety worse, as it reinforces your fear of said situations. You may find that facing your fears helps you feel more confident, and puts you on the right track for overcoming your social anxiety. For example, if you find you don’t like speaking out in class, perhaps you could make an effort to ask or answer at least one question per day, and gradually work your way up.

Patience is vital in overcoming social anxiety. Don’t expect to change overnight. You might even need some preparation before you decide to face your fears. Failure could set you back even further and increase your anxiety, so it’s crucial that you don’t rush anything. Remember that your condition is 100% treatable and is not as insurmountable as it seems.