Confused: Am I Trans, Gay, Bisexual??? Help.

[SuperJenius]

Hello,

I'm SJ, I am a biologically female 17 year old from NY and I'm extremely confused.

I have always been attracted to boys but I always felt that I should be attracted to girls. Growing up I hung out with the boys, I was more comfortable with the boys, and when all of the kids role played I always had a male role. Although I never really played or enjoyed sports, I considered myself a tomboy. My parents let me dress however I wanted to most of the time (I went to catholic school; still do. So, I have always worn a jumper or skirt at school.) So, due to my parents' openness I always wore "boyish" clothing.

Around sophomore year, sweet sixteens started so I began wearing dresses, heels, makeup etc. I never felt uncomfortable in the stuff, rather, I actually liked dressing up once in a while...it felt...nice. I still dress up sometimes. Around that same time I came to the conclusion that I was bisexual; my sexuality has been a constant on my mind for as long as I can remember and for a while I was content and accepting of my sexuality, but soon I began to question it again. Was I really attracted to girls? I wasn't sure, but I maintained that I was bisexual. I never told anyone that I was bisexual, but if someone were to ask me I'm sure that I would not have denied it either.

A few months ago one of my homosexual friends, Sebastian, jokingly called me "A gay man trapped in a woman's body." After Sebastian said that I began thinking back on my childhood of GI Joes and playing Superman, and I began to entertain the idea of me actually being a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Was I transgender? I wasn't sure so I began researching it and as the days went on I was becoming more and more convinced that I was FTM Trans.

A couple of days ago I told my friend, Robby what I was feeling (Why I didn't tell Sebastian instead? I don't know.) Robby immediately said to me "You're not a guy." I was completely thrown off guard and forgot the rest of the speech I had prepared. As I tried to come up with a response and as my mouth flopped open and closed for a couple of seconds Robby continued on by saying "Is it because you like girls?" I told him that I wasn't even sure if I liked girls. Robby then completely changed the subject...I don't think he was uncomfortable; he was one of the first people to come out at my school. I didn't bring up the topic again and neither did he.

Now, I'm even more confused that before. I doubt that I'm simply a masculine girl, because I feel like my body is wrong. As the days go on I become more and more unhappy with my body, and also: am I bisexual? I know I am attracted to males but the women...I appreciate their beauty but I have never imagined ever being with one before...

Right now, my brain/heart/body (IDK) is telling me that I am male and I am attracted to them as well...but I can never be sure, and I need to be sure. I feel like I don't know myself and it scares me. I feel like my identity is lost and I have no body to help me find it. So, after two years of silence on TeenHelp, I have finally begun to ask questions about the "thing I need help with." Please, help me.


Thanks,
SJ

[Mr.Cat]

Hi

Uhmmm... that's not really trans per se... if you are bi then you are bi... imagine this, can you picture yourself doing intimate stuff with girls??? if yes, then you are probably bisexual but you know, if you are still in teenage, you could still feel attracted to both sexes and that is perfectly normal. I went through that too so I assume that I could relate...

well, i'm not really sure of what you are going through but from what i understand, you are just a bit ahead of yourself... you need to sit down and think long and hard .... before you know it yourself... I need to think for 3 years before I can decide whether I am gay or bi so.... it is quite normal to feel confused... just don't decide things on impulse... calm down first, okay

You have quite a long post, and I just woke up from very little sleep, and your post should get more then some grooty morning response, so I'll extend this post later, but I figured I should post something now, because I partly identify with this (except for the, I'm attracted to my birth sex, but trans people's orientations are really varied. I know a guy (FtM) who is totally only into guys)

Trans basically covers anyone who transcends their birth gender. This can be to the opposite gender, or something else, such as a mix of gender, both genders, no gender, and so forth. Though you sound pretty sure you are male.

We can't tell you for sure, and as far as I can tell, a lot of us arent always completely sure. Its a process that you need to go through. Perhaps consider presenting as male, or getting select friends to use male pronouns, and see how that makes you feel?

If you are still working out your gender, working out your sexuality will be slightly harder. Not all, but quite a few of the people I know who have come out as T, have over that process somewhat changed their sexuality. That being said, others, like the one only into boys, have always known I wouldnt rush into labelling this if you arent ready. If you like a guy, go with him, if you like a girl, go with her. If you need to label, do you think you like women in anyway more then friends? If not, why do you think you might identify as bi?

[justDucky]

I seriously have the same exact problem. one difference, I know I like females, I'm not sure about males. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I've come to a conclusion that I don't care. I like who I want, I'll date who I want and I'll dress who I want. If there is someone who wants a definite answer they can try to lable me themselves because I am done trying to put a sticker on my forehead for everyone elses benifit.

I hope you can figure out what exactly you want. If you don't try not to stress about it. Lables are just there to make everyone else feel comfortable. Just figure things out on your own time.

Good luck.

[Lost and Found]

Hey SJ, I know what you're going through a bit. I'm a gay trans guy.

A lot of the time, I'll come out to people, as trans, and they'll say "no you're not" or "but you're so feminine" because, I've never been the most masculine person, but I'm a guy. My body is wrong and I'm on the road to getting it to at least where I'm more comfortable with it. And I'm horribly uncomfortable with being considered a girl, and even though I'm "feminine" at times, I'm not <i>female</i>.

As far as sexuality goes, I wouldn't worry too much about putting a label on it, your sexuality and your gender are seperate. And when you're trying to figure yourself out, remember that the label is just something to call yourself, don't let it define you.

You sound pretty trans to me, because you don't identify with your body and all. But I mean, it's up to you to decide what to call yourself and what to do about it.

It might help to read about other FTM's and about the transitioning process, what you might want to do, or not. I recommend "Just add Hormones" by Matt Kailey. He's a gay FTM.

And plus, there's a ton of trans people on youtube blogging about their lives, you can watch some of that if you want too.

And if you want to talk you can PM me. I know a lot of trans people and I've been on hormone therapy for a while, so I might be able to answer any questions. (Actually, anyone who reads this and has questions, feel free to ask.)