Is my bf gay bi or trans?

[foreveryoung18]

I'm just wondering is he at all lgbt?

I was just wondering? Well my bf and I have dated and all. People tend to think he's gay. He dates girls though never been with a guy openly. He's gay friendly though. He's not a mean person to anyone. Well we've dated since september on and off not exclusively. Well on our date he dresses like a girl. He wears skirts and fancy blouses even once a tube top heels wears make up lipstick always matches nails outfit and sometimes hair color. His hair is always styled platnum blond and pink chin legnth. He actually looks a lot more like a girl than a guy. His body shape. Like when we go out dating he appears to have real breasts and he has long femme shaped legs and wide hips along with a slim waste that give him the bottom shape of an hourglass. He even sounds like a girl and has no hair. He also likes ballet and writing. He has some friends and all are girls. When we're together I feel more like I'm with a girl not that it's bad. It's just the way it seems to be I love him every bit the same. Besides his height and other parts, he seems like mostly feminine like a girl in so many ways... He is fine with the male pronouns and his masculine name. At school people think he's gay he doesn't do half the things I described. Like at school he wears clothing that don't essentuate his feminine features even though he still wears femme clothing. People just think feminine means gay it doesn't to me. It seems he may be trans. Up until last week. I am now confused a bit. Well we've had sexual contact kind of and thing is he didn't seem to enjoy it like it went really bad. He said because he is asexual because he was sexually abused and that he doesn't like sex because of bad memories. My question is is this just an excuse? Is that more likely? Or is it more likely he's just gay and doesn't get sexual pleasure from me? Also is he trans? He doesn't say he's at all lgbt. But technically isn't he??

[Maverick.]

This is very peculiar. I can see why you might be confused. My opinion, I would classify him as pansexual. He likes to crossdress, is open to relationships with any person of any sexual orientation. But take what I said with a very big grain of salt. Unless you ask the person yourself, it is extremely hard to know what a persons orientation is. Just because he wears women's clothing, that doesn't necessarily mean that he is transsexual. Many straight men enjoy cross-dressing, but that isn't at all related to being transsexual. Transsexual is wanting to live as the other sex. Cross-dressing is just being comfortable wearing clothes of the opposite gender. If he is your boyfriend, you should be able to discuss this thing with him. When you are in a relationship, you have to be open with each other, and you have to let the other person know what is on your mind. If you are confused about something, you have to let him know. There is lots of controversy around gender/sexual identity. There are lots of stereotypes and judging and that is what makes it hard. If you love him, there shouldn't be anything to worry about. Just be a good friend to him. I don't see why he wouldn't be honest with you. You also mentioned that he was sexually abused. He has a right to be upset about that. Support him, and use that to understand his situation more. Perhaps he is trying to prove a point. Maybe he just wants to be himself? Like I said before, be a good friend and offer your support to him. To better your relationship and your friendship.

[foreveryoung18]

well he never has said he is anything but a straight guy but aren't actions louder than words? Like what if he doesn't even realize it...

[George^^]

Well, I can't judge because I don't know the person in question. You should ask him. Like Joker said, cross-dressing doesn't equal being trans*, also, trans* is an umbrella term, there is so much more he could be. - The way he acts and dresses could have nothing to do with LGBT, if I was a guy, I don't think I'd mind dressing femme, but then again, right now I'm a girl, so I wouldn't know what it's like for a bio boy.

-I agree with Joker, ask him, and don't seem too judge mental on it, it could be a touchy subject.

(With the boob thing, there are things that can give a guy a woman's shape, and vice versa. ^^)

[foreveryoung18]

Well, it was actually where I could see flesh... He doesn't really like talking about gender further than that...

but that makes sense

Hey there,

Like the other posters have said, I would talk to him. In your post, you mentioned that his actions don't make you love him less, which I think is incredibly mature of you. I would let him know this. It is often harder to open up about such things when you're not sure how the other person is going to react, especially if that person happens to be your significant other. He may be afraid that if he tells you outright that he may lose you. Dressing that way when you go out together could possibly be his way of dropping a hint. However, I can't say for sure as I don't know him.

As for his lack of interest in sex, it's possible that it could be from a history of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse, as I'm sure you know, is extremely traumatizing for people and can indeed lead to a fear of any kind of sexual contact, even if it's with a person they know and love. I can't say if it's an excuse or not, but at this point in time, I would take him at his word and try not to read into it too much. Remember, you can't force him to come out to you or to figure out his sexuality/gender identity. The best thing you can do is to keep communication open. Let him know that if there's anything you can do to make sex easier or more enjoyable for him, you'd like to know. Also, try to encourage him to get help for his past experiences if he was sexually abused.

Be a constant support for him and you may find that he ends up feeling safe enough to come out to you if that is the case.

I hope this helps!! Take care!

[foreveryoung18]

nvm he's not my concern anymore.

[Storyteller.]

Originally Posted by foreveryoung18

nvm he's not my concern anymore.

On that basis, I'm going to close this thread. If you want it reopened, feel free to PM me, or you can just start a new thread.