First trans acquaintance

I met this person today, Sully, that's a transgender. I believe they're FTM. I don't know know how to act around someone going through a sex change. Everyone I've met are the gender they're born as (or maybe I have met a trans person, but didn't know! They do a pretty damn good job at gender reassignment surgery).

It's a bit awkward, because I believe people should keep the gender they're born with. So if you're born a boy, stay a boy. A girl, stay a girl. I don't understand why girls want to be guys. I've been a tomboy, but it's just a phase. It lasted a few years, and I'm not all that girly girl. But I'm proud of what I have, even if it's underformed. I love being a girl, you get to do more things as a girl.

Anyways, how should I treat Sully? And what pronoun should I use? He? She? They? But they sounds rude.

[Maverick.]

Good thing about the internet, you get to discover things you do not understand, or know little about. Do research on transgendered people, there are many websites which give you detailed information. Hopefully by doing this, you wouldn't be as confused as you are.

Address the person as the sex they currently are. If they are a FTM, address them as male. As your friendship develops, you can nicely ask them more personal questions. Otherwise, be nice and treat them with respect.

[Stargazed.]

I agree. If this person is a FTM and prefers to be a male, then address him that way. Treat him with respect as you'd treat any other friend. There's nothing different about him, except the fact that he believes he was born as the wrong gender, but that doesn't effect who he is at all.

[Storyteller.]

Treat them as the person they are, not they gender. Ask which pronoun they prefer and use that. Even if you don't understand or agree with it, you can at least try to respect it, and Sully too. I know it might take some adjusting to, but just give it time.

Thanks for the tips, guys. I really appreciate them. I never met a transgendered person in real life to my knowledge, so this is brand new to me!

[PSY]

My friend has toyed around with the idea of transitioning from male to female. Personally, even after years of being there for him, I still get confused! I think the best thing you can do is to ask, "How do you prefer to be addressed... Mr. or Ms. [Name]?" There is nothing wrong with asking for clarification, and it's better than assuming (even if, outwardly, they appear to be a specific gender). It's not rude to ask - 1) this person is probably used to it, and 2) it shows that you care enough to "get it right."

[Coffee.]

Ask them the pronoun they want to be called. It differs from person to person. Sometimes, people prefer they or a nongender binding pronoun like ze. So ask the person individually, preferably in private where they do not have to feel embarrassed.

And this person is not weird. We, as cisgendered people, are privileged to feel okay with our sex and gender aligning. Not everybody is. Some people do not see themself in a binary of gender either, as neither male or female. So try to keep your own judgment and your own experience in your gender development out of the way you see another person. Keep an open mind.

And last, as non-trans* people, we have a lot of questions. Don't ask most of them, only ask the ones necessary for proper communication, such as pronouns and word preferences. Rule of thumb, if you wouldn't want t somebody the answer, (ex, "How do you have sex" or "What was your birth name"), don't ask it to somebody who is trans*. If they are comfortable telling you, they will.