questioning panic???!

Okay, for a while I identified as trans ftm, he/they, and went by Ashton. Lately, my parents have been forcing a standardized female gender role on me, and it feels almost right. Now I'm wondering if the trans was a phase. I've been going by my bio name, and she/her again, and I barely recognize it outside of home. "Madison, I like your shirt" Oh...you're talking to me. It feels weird. Not right, not wrong, weird. Different. "Madison said that the assignment was easy for her, do you agree?" Oh..you're talking about me. It feels weird. Not right, not wrong, weird. Different. Again. I'm bisexual, and now I'm wondering if I'm straight because I'm realizing I only liked one girl, ever. What's going on?? I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. When I started going by Ashton, I never got the weird, stomach tensing feeling, I got a neutral feeling, something better than what I feel by using my old name. Idk what to do. I want my parents to be happy, so I might just stay going by Madison in places.

Any advice??
Thanks,
Madison...?

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Questioning is absolutely normal. Honestly it took me until college to determine I was nonbinary. Remember that there's nothing wrong with questioning and you can take all the time you need to figure out what labels fit you the best, if you choose to label yourself at all. It's all a matter of what makes you feel the most comfortable in your own skin.

It doesn't make you wrong or a faker or anything like that to experiment with different labels and forms of gender expression and pronouns. To be honest, I go by Desiree and she/her to family, but Dez (I find it more neutral) and they/them to a lot of other people. I'm not saying hiding who you are is the way to go, but if you feel as if your parents will be unsupportive of you trying to figure things out that's another option to keep you safe. If you have any trusted friends, teachers, etc you can start out by telling them that you would like to try out a different name and different pronouns to see what fits you best and ask them for their support.

The great thing is that you don't have to figure everything out right away. Things can be fluid and changing, too! So take your time and try not to let it bring you down too much. It does get easier.

[Moxie.]

Hey,

Questioning your sexuality and gender identity is absolutely normal! I went through something similar with my sexuality, thinking I was bisexual until I realized I was a lesbian at 19. It's important to remember that the way you identify, in terms of both gender and sexual orientation, may change as you continue to learn more about yourself. That's completely okay! You're simply getting to know yourself and working towards figuring out what your truth is so you can live it fully. It also isn't essential that you assign a label to either. If assigning a label is affirming for you, then I definitely encourage you to do that. But, it doesn't make your identity any less valid if you choose not to give it a specific term.

It's also okay to experiment with your gender identity and orientation. Perhaps you can go by Madison in some settings and Ashton in others to figure out which feels more affirming for you. You might also experiment with gender presentation, as that may help you find where you align. That being said, please remember that your gender identity doesn't have to dictate how you present! It's totally okay if you wind up identifying as male but prefer wearing dresses or vice versa. You can also experiment with your sexuality by getting to know and dating people that you have an interest or attraction towards, regardless of their gender. Following curiosities and what feels right to you at a given moment is often one of the best ways to learn more about who you are, as you'll start to learn when you're happiest.

If you want to talk about this in more detail, please don't hesitate to respond to this thread or send me a PM.

Take care,
Sam

Hello!

I appreciate the advice and some experience from you. I do want to add, I've been thinking I was trans for about two years now, and my friend at lunch said "Cis people don't want their titties cut off, Cis people don't do the things you do to hide the "feminine" parts of you" which made me kinda realize more of a "oh shit.." moment.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Yeah that definitely sounds like you’re not cus. It does take time and sometimes even some gentle encouragement to really determine things.

Originally Posted by TherianLOVER

Hello!

I appreciate the advice and some experience from you. I do want to add, I've been thinking I was trans for about two years now, and my friend at lunch said "Cis people don't want their titties cut off, Cis people don't do the things you do to hide the "feminine" parts of you" which made me kinda realize more of a "oh shit.." moment.

I don't know if your friend's words were spoken with malice or concern, so I'd be mindful of that too. As Dez and Moxie said, discovering yourself can be a journey! It could take years, and you've said its been two years; but learning more about yourself as you go through adolescence, what you like, how you feel in your body, what clothes or makeup gives you comfort, and so on is all a part of that! I know you want to conform to your parents beliefs that girls are only ever girls and boys are only ever boys; but you are your own individual and you have every right to question. When the time comes, if it ever does, where you feel like you've made the decision then that'll be the moment when you consider telling your parents. It's not something you have to worry about now, but keep it in the back of your mind as you go through this journey: people aren't mind readers. They don't know what you're going through unless you want to tell them. If you don't want to tell your parents, and they address you by the wrong name or gender, remember that you're keeping them out of this until you feel certain and comfortable with yourself.

Feel free to reach out again if needed and please take care of yourself.

Yeah...I also had a moment today where I literally started crying cus I was a girl...I'm starting to think more that I might actually be trans.
I told my parents when I was first questioning and they were NOT accepting, and I told a teacher today about it because I was crying and she asked me what was wrong.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I'm sorry your parents weren't supportive but I'm still glad you told a teacher. What did your teacher say?

She was very understanding, said during her meeting with my grades staff that she'd tell them to use Ashton but use Madison around my parents and a brief explanation of what I had told her. I explained my hatred of my biological name and she said "I've heard that in some trans students that they find their bio name painful"..she made me feel less..alone.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

It sounds like this teacher is super supportive. Maybe she's someone you can continue to go to if you are having a hard time.

Definitely. It also helps since she's in the queer community, and in her 50s so she grew up in a household that wasn't supportive at all. I find that helpful talking to her because that helps show she knows somewhat what I'm going through, even though hers was in terms of sexuality, and mine was in terms of gender