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Non-binary struggles :(
Well then, I just have a few things to vent about.
Around 3-ish years ago was when I first started questioning my gender identity, but I couldn't accept that I was fully non-binary, and so I had just referred to myself as she/they. Pretty recently, I finally got comfortable with they/them pronouns, and decided that was all I wanted to use. Now, the problem lies with the fact that nobody calls me by my pronouns, and always assume I'm a girl. It really hurts, to be honest, but I've reminded them of my pronouns so much that I'm scared I'm just being annoying. I admit, I look really feminine. I tried getting my mom to cut my hair, but neck-length was the shortest she would cut it because "There are certain hairstyles big people just shouldn't have." That statement kinda made me fall back down into some of my old eating habits. My parents have also said that they aren't going to get me a binder, and seem to be insistent on me looking more feminine. (Even more so than before I came out to them.) As for when I came out to my parents, they told me that I wasn't gender dysphoric, and that I was only non-binary because my friends were (But at the time, I didn't have any non-binary friends) they also tried to say I was trans. My dad was like, "Oh well then, I guess you can't paint your nails. Men don't like their nails painted." It really hurts, tbh. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. I dunno. All I do know is that I have certain pronouns, and I do want people to follow them. :( Thanks for reading. |
Re: Non-binary struggles :(
Nah, there's a lot to talk about it.
Before you did some conclusions, you must identify yourself. Do you feel as a boy or a girl? |
Re: Non-binary struggles :(
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Re: Non-binary struggles :(
I don't think you're being too sensitive at all. A cis man or woman wouldn't appreciate being misgendered, and neither do you. There's nothing wrong with asking people to respect what makes you feel you and I don't think anybody should worry about being annoying by reminding people what they prefer to be called. The way you feel, in both your gender identity and your response to being misgendered, is valid. You deserve to be able to be yourself and I am so sorry that there are people making that difficult for you.
Sometimes people, especially parents or people from other generations, don't understand, or want to understand some things that people today are experiencing. Do you feel like you could ask your parents to sit down and talk about being non-binary? Perhaps you could give them an opportunity to ask questions so that you can help them understand more of what you are going through. Some of the things you have mentioned (e.g. the nail polish situation) sound like they could just be misconceptions, which over time your parents may learn more about. That being said, it can be tiring to have to constantly be the expert, so don't be afraid to signpost people to other resources where they can learn about it themselves. Here is a really good resource, and people can search 'non-binary' and read up on anything they like: https://pflag.org/ I hope that you know you will always be accepted here for exactly who you are. I know it is exhausting to have to constantly correct people and educate people, so please don't feel annoying or over sensitive. Your feelings matter. |
Re: Non-binary struggles :(
Hello Lyl,
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. Do you have a favorite teacher at school that you can talk to them about anything that you or someone else is going through? Also, do you have a school counselor that you are able to talk with about what you have told all of us? If you have a teacher and school counselor that you like, try talking with them about what you have been going through and also see if your school has groups on this too. Sometimes it can be helpful to be in a group with others your age and they are going and feeling the same thing that you are and you would be able to talk to them. When you are having a hard time with this or anything else, try writing in a journal and you would be able to get some of your hurting out of you. Also try finding something to help pick you up for a while, whatever you enjoy doing and try that. Going for walks around your house or reading a book for a while or drawing or painting or listening to music or watching movies or TV shows or something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this can help pick you up for a while. Also what Hollie is saying is good too. The best thing about teenhelp is you can be whoever you feel that you are and no one is ever going to be mean or hurtful to you or anyone else for who they feel that they are. You are welcome to talk as much as you would like about this or anything else that you or someone you know is going through. Everyone on teenhelp is understanding and always wants to help you and everyone else out. I hope that you will be okay soon. |
Re: Non-binary struggles :(
Lyl, I think Hollie and Emmie already gave decent advice so I'll just address the problematic post, quoted below, as a way to validate not only you but anyone else who might be having the same difficulties you are. :hug:
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You can't just say "I'm a man." or "I'm a woman.", it is so much more complicated than that. Some people struggle with gender dysphoria and have no idea what gender they are, if they even have a gender, and gender identity is ever-changing. So how Lyl feels, preferring to use gender non-binary terms such as they/them/their is perfectly fine. It's entirely in their right to do so, as they continue on this journey of self-discovery. Sometimes, this can last for years; and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! :) It is so incredibly important to be careful of the words we choose to use and how/when to use them appropriately. |
Re: Non-binary struggles :(
Thank you all for your responses. I still haven't talked to my parents about this again, and I'm not sure when I plan on it. But I do know it feels so nice to be called by my ACTUAL pronouns, even if online.
As for the reminding people to use my pronouns part, I have been trying to. I think what I was trying to say is that people just...don't listen. And to further add insult to injury, a few of the OTHER non-binary kids at my school don't even use my pronouns despite me having told them :( I've talked to my counselor and asked if she could tell all of my teachers to use my correct pronouns (as I had already asked them multiple times) and she said yes, but she continued using the wrong ones herself. I dunno, I'm stuck in a corner here xD But yeaah, like I said, I really appreciate all of your guys' advice. I truly do, thank you guys <3 Hopefully one day I'll be able to "pass" as non-binary |
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