Triggering (Suicide): I have known im trans since i was 13, out at 14, now im almost 17 and my parents still dont accept me

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I have very bad gender dysphoria and my mom refuses to believe my or let me see a gender therapist or anything. My dad says he believes i have dysphoria but doesnt do anything to help so i dont think he actually believes me. I have felt like a boy since i was a young age and thought it was normal and although i had a lot more girl friends in elementary school i still thought that i was one of the boys. I have wanted to be on T and get top since i was 13 and learned that was possible, as when i was younger i had thought id have male puberty because i didnt really understand gender at that age. I have spoken to therapists before about being trans and nothing has been done because my parents think me wanting to "mutilate" my body is the same as people who want to cut off a limb. My mom tells me that I hate women and if I can't get on T in at most a year or at least just get called their son im gonna kill myself. I have had past attempts that no one knows about because im ashamed and i once told my doctor i was depressed when i was 13 and my life was straight hell for around 3 months. I had no privacy or freedom so I just had to pretend I was fine. I think im also getting some anger problems because whenever i try to talk to my parents about the fact that im still trans they always say something that really hurts and I end up punching a hole in my wall and having some sort of like anxiety or panic attack and neither of them care and if i cant be stealth in uni i dont see the point in living. i dont know what to do because even though i pass fairly well i have so much anxiety about people finding out that dont know and yeah im fucked.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. You do not deserve any of it. Remember that you are loved.

You said your dad said he believes you but does nothing about it. Have you told him exactly what you need? Maybe you can tell him in person or write him a letter and explain some of what you need that way, and why it is important to you. You also mentioned you have spoken to your therapists before and nothing has been done. Have your therapists sat down with your parents and spoken to them about what's going on too? Maybe they'll be more inclined to believe a therapist when they say that what you're doing isn't mutilating your body.

I know you're only turning 17, but remember that when you turn 18 you can do whatever you feel like you need to and your parents can't stop you, whether that's getting a gender therapist, starting T, or anything else.

University tends to be more open and accepting. A lot of them, at least in the US, have LGBTQ+ related clubs and organizations that you can join for support and just for fun and to meet people who are like you. It's worth a try!

Don't be ashamed about your past attempts either. Those are well, in the past, and you can only move forward from here. I know you said that your life was hell after you told your doctor, but if you think that you are at risk of attempting again, I'd talk to your doctor about what is going on. They'd have to tell your parents since you are a minor, but it's worth it to keep you safe.

Perhaps you can also check out some of our resources to get additional support on this topic, or look through our articles to see if anything there can help you out. It may help to give you more information.

I don't know if anything I said helps, but I just wanted to let you know that you are cared about.

Take care,
Dez

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

Thank you so much for finding Teenhelp, if you ever wanted to join Teenhelp you can and you would be able to make a lot of friends and talk more about this and everything else that you have been going through.

I'm sorry about all of this that has been happening. Would you be able to find someone to talk to about this, if school is still going on see about talking to someone at school, it can be your school counselor or a teacher or someone else that you trust. See if you can try talking to a friend or friends parents about this and have them come with you when you are talking to your parents about what has been happening and see if they can help you talk about this together. When you are having a hard time, try finding something to help you to get your mind off of this for a while, going for walks or putting on music or watching movies or TV shows or writing or drawing or painting or something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this can help pick you up for a while. I hope that you will be okay soon.