I'm coming out to my family as trans

I'm trans (non-binary) and I've been socially and medically transitioning for about two months now. It's going REALLY well. I have lots of social support from my therapist and my friends, and, of course, the clinic prescribing my hormones. This past weekend I came out to my sister. I was hesitant to come out to her. I was pretty sure she would be open and accepting, but I held on to the letter in which I told her what was happening with me for a month. I'm really glad it went well. It's good to know someone in my family understands.

Because I've been on T for a while and noticeable changes will be happening soon, she advised I tell my parents soon, maybe by the end of this week. I went ahead and wrote a letter to them and I'm waiting to send it until my sister proofreads it and I feel comfortable. My sister confirmed my feeling that my parents are probably going to struggle with this. They're going to ask questions out of a place of caring and love but those questions might seem hurtful or invalidating. She also said this is probably an ongoing conversation and won't be resolved quickly. It's going to take time.

I just want to see if y'all have any advice on coming out when you know your audience isn't going to be very receptive. What do you say to make it easier for them, to explain your choices/reasoning, and deal with anxiety and anger? If you're given an ultimatum (like "stop taking hormones or we aren't going to support you anymore") how do you handle that? I am very scared my parents are going to ask me to stop taking hormones or else they'll withdraw financial support and I can't make it on my own. I don't want to lose their emotional support, either; I love my parents very much and that would hurt deeply. So how do I go about doing this?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello, I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. Sometimes when we have to tell others something about ourselves we are not sure how to tell them because they may not understand or they do not believe in it and I'm sorry that you are having a hard time with this. Would you be able to try writing a letter to them and put everything in it and then give it to them or put it in a spot that they will see it. For example on the bed in the bedroom or the dining table or another place for them to see it. You can have someone with you like another family member who knows this about you or a friend to help you out. Or I have this article on coming out and it talks about doing this with your parents, maybe it can help you some. It is, https://www.plannedparenthood.org/le...ming-out-trans No matter what happens, you are a lovely person inside and out, don't forget that. I hope that you will be okay soon and they will see the lovely person that we do. Hugs to help you.

[DeletedAccount53]

Coming out is never easy and I'm sad you have been, and are, going through so much personal, emotshunal pain. It sucks.



Take your time about coming out. None of us should feel pressure becusase it's unfair. You are not like anyone else,m but you so come out if there comes opportunity.



So many peeps are at this crossroad, but there comes a good time when all is quiet and you are alone with one member of your fam. That could be the perfect time. But be chill about it for now. Don't get wound up as it's easy to overthink. Better still make a nice cuppa tea. A cup of tea solves everything.



When I came out, surprise to me thta my mum said she always new. Oooh I remember thinking, how awks is that? How did she know? But mums hvae this way of knowing. Uncanny isn it?


Tawk to the parent who you feel easiest with. That can make a big diffrence. Otherwise, there may not be anyone who will take it well. That's life I'm sorry to say. Now, if that happens, let thems boil off and don't shout back. Let them rant their bit, blow off steam, rant more, but be guarded that family members can act making you feel guilty.


-That is a form of emotional manipulashun. Ignore it. You hvae no need to be made to feel guilty for having gender dysphoria and wanting to change your sexual identity. You are what you are, plain and simple. And if they don't like it, just walk away and use silence so they can give thouhgt to how they treated you.


Often a silent gentleness is all that is needed. Family may take things hard as you tol, but be payshunt with thems. Let them hvae all the time they want before returning to hug you.


And given time, hug they will.


My best wishes to you.
Happy days,
Wendi

[marryjain]

I think you completely right. Just never give up!

[DeletedAccount53]

Garyl, I apologize for my awful spelling in my previous post, but since then my twin sister helped me enormously to improve my spelling and has continued doing so.

After more thought, you could start off by explaining to your parents how they must remember their responsibility to support you and accept you and your decisions, when they are not meant to hurt anyone. Some parents, bit not all, have been known to lash out, and this awful and often frightening reaction often is because they simply don't understand gender dysphoria, let alone their son or daughter's distraught wishes to change gender.

If you start explaining that to your parents, you may feel more comfortable and secure. After clarifying your feelings, then you should be able to explain to them that you are transgender. It may scare you at first, but go and do it because expressing your identity should not be too much of an uphill struggle. Only if coming out really is going to be difficult, then perhaps a handwritten letter of carefully chosen wording could be the most useful and practical option.