I might be grayromantic

[Efica]

So I'm starting high school soon so I've been thinking about dating recently. I realized that I'm not really interested in dating. The reason I'm starting this thread is because I'm confused and I need someone to help me figure it out. So I've been thinking about dating and I feel like I don't want to date but at the same time I kinda do. I want to have a significant other who I can grow old with but I don't want to go through flirting, break ups and that kinda stuff. I also don't really like that cheesy romance movies and stories. I'm very empathetic so sometimes if there is romance in let's say a book I'm reading I might get sad for the characters but I don't get farther than that. Can someone help me out a little, I'm really confused.

Hi there, and welcome to TeenHelp, Eva! I hope you're able to find the advice you're looking for.

High school is a very exciting time in life. It's a time of self-discovery, and it sounds like you're starting to explore some of that. It's good to examine your thoughts and feelings for what it is you think you might want in life, whether it's what to do for an afternoon without work or school, what future career path you want to take, or what you want out of dating/romantic relationships. It shows introspection and self-awareness and those are good qualities to have!

The thing is, in the scheme of things, fourteen is quite young, and in the next four years SO much is going to shift and change for you. As a result, I don't think you necessarily need to put a label on how you feel about romance and sexuality right now, because I guarantee you that label will probably change at least a little bit. So I wouldn't get too caught up in that, if you can help it.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's really much of a way to start a lasting, stable relationship without the flirting and the breakups, unless maybe you enter an arranged marriage. They're a part of life. I'll tell you right now your first love, should that come along, will probably not be Mr./Ms. Right; in fact, your first few loves probably won't be. From each relationship you learn new things about relationships/dating in general and more about yourself and what you want. It's all a part of the process. Parts of it suck, but, oftentimes it's worth it.

In conclusion, I am not saying you're not greyromantic; you very well may be. But maybe take some time before deciding on a label. It's still perfectly normal not to be interested in dating at age fourteen. It may just be where you're at developmentally and not an indicator of a label.

Good luck, and please PM me if you need anything else.

[Everglow.]

Hey

As someone who identifies as aromantic I can definitely understand a lot of what you're going through. The spectrum for romantic orientation is difficult to understand but, as the post above says, remember you're young and there's no huge rush to know for sure what you are right now. I went through a tonne of labels before I found one that fit when I was about 21 - it happens for everyone at different speeds and that's ok.

I've been doing my own research about aromanticism and I have been in online groups with greyromantic people and other people who fall somewhere on that spectrum. I'm not super knowledgable about it all, but I have recently heard a lot about something called a queerplatonic relationship, which is essentially a relationship on the border of platonic and romantic. There are people out there who are in one of these and who are happy, so it's not impossible to fint that companionship you want and be greyaromantic.

It's also important to know that as you get older you're going to meet more people who don't put relationships at the top of their priority list. I've been surprised by this myself and if anything it's just a little token of hope for you that you may find a friend who you're entirely non-romantic with who you will have as a companion regardless. There's nothing wrong with living with friends, sharing a space, a meal, even a life, if that is what makes you and your friend happy.

I'm not saying that either of these will necessarily work for you, or even that you are, or aren't greyromantic. But I just want you to know that it's possible to be happy, to have those things you want without necessarily doing it in a conventional way.

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions. Like I say, I don't know loads as I'm still on this journey myself, but I'm happy to chat and listen if that will help. Whatever label you do or don't decide fits who you are is valid and acceptable and amazing, and I hope that you know you don't need to rush into figuring it out.

Take care!