HRT

I was assigned female at birth but a few months ago I came out as gender non-conforming/non-binary. When I first told my therapist she asked me if I was thinking about starting HRT. At the time I said no, but today I saw a masculinized picture of my face (phone app that lets you play with photos) in which I had a beard. And y'all, I loved the beard. It made me so happy to see it.

So I am thinking about HRT. It's a big decision; I know it is, and I know I should take all the time I need to think about it. I feel conflicted. My gender non-conforming is more agender (though I enjoy presenting masc and femme expression) than me feeling like a "man" (or a woman) so I am hesitant to start testosterone therapy if I don't feel like a man. I don't know how I would feel about the rest of the changes that come with T. I also don't mind my biological sex characteristics, specifically my breasts, and don't think at this juncture I would want chest reconstructive surgery. I feel like even though I think I would really love the look of breasts and a beard it might make me both a target for discrimination (I live in a very conservative state).

I'm almost positive it would also make my family very uncomfortable, as well. While I actually have no problem with my birth name I have been thinking about a name I feel fits better. I asked my best friend, who knows my family well, how she thinks my parents would feel if I changed my name on my Facebook profile. She said they would probably be resentful and I think she's right. I do not want to disappoint my family. They have supported my sexuality (I identify as gay) but I think gender changes might be too hard for them. My mom told me once in frustration she can't get the hang of they/them pronouns (which are now my pronouns), so I planned on just going by she/her when I am with my family to make it easier for them. But if I start HRT, they're gonna know. My parents provide a HUGE amount of support for me, physically, emotionally, and financially. I don't know if I can make it on my own at this juncture.

So I guess I have a few questions:

1) Have any of y'all ever been on HRT (especially those who are AFAB and gender non-conforming)?

2) What can I expect if I do go on hormone therapy? Not just physical changes, but emotional and social?

3) Is it worth doing if you know it would upset those who care about you?

[Tigereyes]

Okay, so my partner and I are both nonbinary and AFAB. I feel like I'm also on the agender spectrum, but as nonbinary gender/s. My partner identifies with gender a lot more than I do.

I personally do not seek HRT. I don't like my body being seen as feminine or masculine; I'm just me. I don't want facial hair, but I want top surgery. I wouldn't mind my voice being slightly lower, but to me, it's not worth the other effects of T. I haven't changed my name or pronouns and currently don't plan to. I do not ever wish to have bottom surgery.

My partner has been on T for a few years now. Like you, they wanted facial hair. They once believed that you could only transition if you wanted to be a man instead. They do not identify with being a man at all. I knew my partner pre-T, and early on in transitioning, they expressed doubts like yours. But after starting T, a primary difference I noticed was how much happier they were as facial hair started to grow and their voice lowered.

It does have emotional and social changes as well. You go through a second puberty, so emotional regulation and thought patterns may change a bit. Socially, it depends who you're with and how accepting they are. We've both had good luck socially with friends, but family can be more difficult. I am not out to my parents; my partner is out.

If the physical changes sound exciting to you, then you probably would be happy with it. If you just want a beard, you can actually temporily go on T then stop. You'd likely mostly keep your beard (it might thin some), but other changes (voice) are also permenant. Some changes are more reversable.

In short, you know yourself best. Take the time and trust what will make you happy. You can transition as much or as little as you want, whenever you want. Start slow. Come out to friends first if that's safer and ask them to call you by your chosen name and pronouns, except around your parents if you want. See how that is in a safe environment first.

Good luck. I hope this helps, and I'd be happy to discuss in further detail via PM.