passing as FtM

[Dysphoric]

Hey,

I need a bit of advice, preferably from my fellow FtM guys, but anyone else can help as well. so, i'm FtM and also in the closet. i've got a lot of dysphoria issues, but i'm asking specifically about passing and alleviating my dysphoria. if anyone can help, thanks.

[Setekh]

Hello Daniel,

I don't know how bad your gender dysphoria is nor what body parts are concerned by it, but I hope this will help you.

My own gender dysphoria is usually about my face, chest, voice, genitals, and morphology. I feel also bad about my height, but as my father is as short as me, I can tell myself it's because of genetics rather than me being born female.

I have a bit of Spanish blood (from the 16th century but eh) so even when I was pre-T I could let some facial hair grow. It helped with my passing, even if some people still saw me as a hairy girl. I can't blame them though, it's true that I was born a girl and my body was only influenced by female hormones back then. I tried to accept it until I could get testosterone.

Hairstyle helps too. I usually shave the sides and let some hair fall in front of my forehead to hide the fact that I don't have a male's hair line. Now I'm on T though, so my face looks less female-ish also thanks to the hair loss. Also, hair colour. A natural one helps with passing. Even I (although it's true I'm not really that open-minded) tend to think some trans dudes are girls because they have bright, unatural hair colour. I really think it kills passing.

I avoided wearing earrings when pre-T, 'cause even male earrings would make people instantly think I'm a girl (even a rather masculine one, or a kind of "emo" girl). I was less often misgendered when avoiding wearing earrings.

I had a pretty visible Adam's apple even when I wasn't on T so I tried my best to make it as visible as I could. I've seen people also look for an Adam's apple on my throat, on top of not-that-discretely checking between my legs and my chest, when they tried to figure my gender out. If you realize you have also a pretty visible Adam's apple, you can try to swallow when you see people are staring at you. Swallowing makes mine appear more.

If you can afford a binder, it's good for passing. But make sure people can't see it under your clothes. Also, avoid too baggy clothes, like oversized hoodies. When you're alone in your room, it definitely helps with gender dysphoria, but out among people it kinda kills your passing. It makes it look like you've borrowed a hoodie from your boyfriend. Not good. Yeah, shop male clothes, but don't choose too baggy ones. And I know it's hard when you're short. I'm personally 5'3 and I have to buy kids' pants.

Let your leg hair grow and show them to the world, it can help. Though it can also bring you mean comments so only do it in places where no ones know you.

Guys don't speak the same way as girls do. It's not about whether or not your voice dropped, it's just that guys don't speak the same way as girls. I can't explain it better sorry, seek better explanations on the internet. It could definitely help. It's the same for body language, but I usually notice that trans guys (at least older ones, even pre-T) have a more masculine body language. Younger trans guys are used to use female body language because of how they were expected to behave and all, so it's harder to let go of it at the early stages of their transition.


If you can't afford one, and if you need one, make a packer out of socks. There are videos that explain how to make one on YouTube.


As for sex dysphoria, I have no advice. I have a really strong one which is the main reason of the existence of my current self-destructive behaviour. What would help me would be those penis extensions from Transthetics, but I can't afford one right now. So I'm just dying. I'll stop dying when I can afford one. Or when I can afford phalloplasty. Sigh.

Talk to people who use your pronouns and name without any problem. Talk to people who see you as a regular guy rather than a trans one. Register yourself in some online places and tell no one you're trans. Let them see you as a regular cis guy and talk to you like you're one. I get that not everyone is fine with lying like that, but it truly helped me when I was surrounded by people that saw me as trans before they saw me as a guy (even though they were nice to me, it was just unbearable, that feeling of them making a difference between cis guys and me).

If you want to go further in the lies, you can tell people in real life you have hormonal issues instead of telling them you're trans. It helps them seeing you as a regular guy and not like "a girl who's becoming a guy". I went to two different Universities when pre-T, I was out as trans in the first one (which is the more open-minded of my country) and people even though they were highly accepting, they sometimes misgendered me --- not on purpose! --- and saw me as trans before they saw me as a guy. In the second University, which is way less open-minded, I told them nothing about my transidentity and let them believe I had hormonal issues. I was NEVER misgendered and I was directly put among the boys. Sometimes lying seems to be the key, but you have, of course, to be alright with that.

You're in the closet so I know for sure that many of those things must seem impossible or unsafe for you. Just try what you feel safe trying. If you want more advice, explain your situation with more details to help us give you advice that suit you.

Good luck mate!