i feel like i'm living lie.

[LazarusBlackstar]

Hello random person on the internet,

I'm stuck at home a lot because of the quarantine, so there's no escaping my family also living here.

They know me as a straight girl.
My friends know me as an extremely defensive person when it comes to sexuality and gender.
I know myself as a closeted trans guy.

i feel like i'm living a lie, like i'm living three different lives. The worst part is that I have no clue what to do about it. I don't feel ready to come out to everyone yet, but also want to just be myself, not these other personas I feel like I've created.

Thanks for listening.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello and I'm so sorry that you haven't gotten a reply yet and I hope that you are doing okay.

No matter what you are a boy or a girl, you always want to be happy with yourself, before you go and tell others. The reason why is, when you are ready to talk about this and let someone else in you will know how you are feeling and tell them why you want to be a boy or girl. Now sometimes other people may not understand why you are feeling this way or if you have a family that is very religious and they may not be okay with this. You always be yourself no matter what and if you do not want to be a boy or girl anymore, that is totally fine to do. Everyone is different and will like different people and feel differently in themselves.

Try on different outfits and see what you like and do not like. Then when you are ready to talk to someone maybe try your friends first and then your family. If you are not able to talk to them face to face, that is totally fine, then try writing a letter and put how you are feeling and what is going on with you and then let them read it. Or if you do not want to hand them the letter, you can put it on someone's bed or you can mail it to them. This way you will not see how they will react. Or you can email them or you can text.

I know that when we are going through something it is really hard to just open up and let someone in to help us. When we let one person in or a few people in, then we will start to feel a little bit better because we have been keeping this to ourselves for so long and it is finally able to come out. I hope that you will be okay soon and I wish you the best with this.