Need Help: Am I trans?? (Desperate!!)

[SiennaSugar]

So, I’ve been questioning my gender for quite a while now, I’m a cis female, and I have a few questions about being trans and how you knew. First off, I always hear about people knowing since they were kids and ‘I knew I was born in the wrong body’ but have any of you had different experiences?? Secondly, I can’t tell if I’m trans yet because I’m not sure if I’m experiencing dysphoria, how do you know what dysphoria is like? Does dysphoria mean different things for different people? Are there different types of dysphoria?? I basically just want to know everything I can about dysphoria tbh also, how do I know if I won’t regret it?? A big fear of mine is coming out as a trans Male and then regretting it or even having surgery and then regretting it. How do I know if it’s the real thing??

[sapphire fox]

well im not trans but i have exsprensed some dyisporia and have meny friends who have so i will try to help. one sign of dysphoria can be hating something about your assigned gender for me it was long hair i would need more info of what you think is dysphoria from you if you dont wanna reply here feel free to pm me good luck
sorry about grammer lol

[SiennaSugar]

Well first off,
- I hate my breasts; I have quite large breasts which tend to make me uncomfortable and even from a young age I’ve said that I want a breast reduction, I feel like they don’t look right on my body but I feel like a lot of women experience this.
- I prefer to look “masculine”; I occasionally enjoy to wear dresses and skirts but a lot of the time I feel like they don’t suit me? I normally wear oversized clothes to try and hide my body and breast shape. I cut my waist length hair into a pixie cut in 2016 and I haven’t looked back tbh I feel more like myself with a somewhat androgynous look.
- NSFW// Sometimes when I masturbate I imagine that I have a penis, sounds odd I know but the thought of me having a fully functioning penis is kind of a turn on??
- I’ve never really felt like a proper woman; like I know I have the voice and the body of a woman but I feel like that title doesn’t really fit me??

None of these are at a desperate stage like ‘omg when ever I think of these I have a panic attack’ but I think I have a major problem with my breasts, I really really hate them.

[Storyteller.]

Hey there,

I don't actively identify as trans, but I'm also not cis, so hopefully you don't mind me replying.

Originally Posted by SiennaSugar

First off, I always hear about people knowing since they were kids and ‘I knew I was born in the wrong body’ but have any of you had different experiences??

The important thing to remember here is that everybody's story is different. Some people are always aware of their sexuality or gender identity, whether in a concrete sense (such as knowing from a young age that their assigned gender doesn't fit) or in a more vague way (such as feeling like something isn't right but not knowing exactly what). Some people find out later on, maybe during their teen years or early adolescence, where they have that "aha!" moment and things fall into place as they realise who they are. Some people just go with the flow, not questioning their assigned gender or exploring their gender identity very much, until something happens to make them confused or curious. Some people identify a certain way before realising that's not who they are, or question for years before coming to a conclusion, or go back and forth between labels and identities until they find ones that fit. It doesn't matter when somebody realises, or how - only that they do. Some people know from a young age, but some people don't, and there's nothing wrong with either of those scenarios. There's no singular narrative that everyone follows, no one path to take to find out who you are. Starting to question later in life isn't any less valid than always knowing. Personally, I didn't even start to question until I was around eighteen, and didn't come out as nonbinary until I was twenty-three, so I'd definitely say it's never too late to start exploring who you are.

Originally Posted by SiennaSugar

Secondly, I can’t tell if I’m trans yet because I’m not sure if I’m experiencing dysphoria, how do you know what dysphoria is like? Does dysphoria mean different things for different people? Are there different types of dysphoria?? I basically just want to know everything I can about dysphoria tbh

To start with, yes, there are different types of dysphoria, and people can experience them differently as well. The things you mentioned in your second post sound mostly like examples of physical dysphoria - that is, being uncomfortable or unhappy with your body. But there's also something called social dysphoria, which is where the discomfort comes from the fact that other people aren't recognising or acknowledging your gender identity. Some causes of social dysphoria include things like being called the wrong name or pronouns, being referred to by gendered terms that don't apply to you (e.g. "sir" or "ma'am"), or people making assumptions about you based on your perceived gender. Another thing to consider is the idea of euphoria as opposed to dysphoria. Euphoria is, as the name implies, the opposite of dysphoria. It can occur when your gender identity is validated, for example if someone uses the right pronouns or if you're able to present in a way that makes you feel more authentically you. A good way to start exploring all of this is to think about how you'd like people to see you, or how you see yourself. If someone called you a boy or used he/him pronouns for you, how would that make you feel? How does it feel if someone calls you a girl or uses she/her? If you have a friend you can trust, you could even ask them to help you try out different terms and pronouns if you think that might help.

Originally Posted by SiennaSugar

also, how do I know if I won’t regret it?? A big fear of mine is coming out as a trans Male and then regretting it or even having surgery and then regretting it. How do I know if it’s the real thing??

This is something that, unfortunately, nobody can answer for you. I will say, however, that it's a very common question among trans and questioning people. It can be scary to question something you took for granted and to consider the fact that your identity doesn't line up with what you've been told your entire life, but it can also be very exciting. My advice would be to take your time, and to explore all avenues you can. You don't have to come out right away (or ever, actually), and you can take as much time as you want to question and explore your gender identity. Also, even if you do come out and later change your mind, it's not the end of the world. There seems to be a misconception about labels where a lot of people seem to think that once you come out as a particular identity, you're stuck with it forever - but that's simply not the case. You can change your label as many times as you need, you can tentatively or selectively come out (e.g. only telling a couple of close friends or family members, or only coming out as something vague like "questioning" or "unsure"), and you can change your name and pronouns and appearance as much as you want in order to feel comfortable with who you are.

Originally Posted by SiennaSugar

Well first off,
- I hate my breasts; I have quite large breasts which tend to make me uncomfortable and even from a young age I’ve said that I want a breast reduction, I feel like they don’t look right on my body but I feel like a lot of women experience this.
- I prefer to look “masculine”; I occasionally enjoy to wear dresses and skirts but a lot of the time I feel like they don’t suit me? I normally wear oversized clothes to try and hide my body and breast shape. I cut my waist length hair into a pixie cut in 2016 and I haven’t looked back tbh I feel more like myself with a somewhat androgynous look.

As far as presentation goes, remember that it's not always equal to gender identity. Despite what society says, anyone can (and should be allowed to) wear whatever they want. You can prefer looking masculine without actually being, or wanting to be perceived as, male. You can present androgynously whether you're a guy, girl, or something else entirely. Feeling uncomfortable about your breasts doesn't necessarily mean you're not still a girl, although it can of course be an indication that you may not be. As I said before, I'd encourage you to experiment a bit and see what feels comfortable. You might also like to think about how much of this is related to how you want to look and how much is more to do with how you want other people to see you. For example do you prefer having short hair because it feels more comfortable for you, or does it make you more comfortable because it decreases the likelihood of strangers assuming you're a girl? How would you prefer for people to address you or think of you, and how do you think of yourself (e.g. do you call yourself a girl or woman in your head, or does it feel more comfortable if you call yourself something else)?

All in all, it's up to you to figure out how best to be you. This is your journey to take, and there's no rush to reach the end. Whatever you decide, wherever you end up, you'll be better off for having dared to explore this side of you.

I hope this helped a bit, and feel free to reply if you have any more questions.