People at work found out that i'm gay now I want to cry

[bringmethehorizon♥]

I work in a phone store and one of my colleagues had to download an application on my phone and he saw a thread I made about being gay on TeenHelp I forgot to close it now I want to cry. I want to try and make them think I am not but now I am so upset and pissed off with myself it's something I like to keep to myself I have only just got this job as well.

[Virgil]

Did they react poorly to it? If not, I'm not entirely sure I see the issue. If they accept you for who you are, then what's the problem? And if they did react poorly, that's not your fault. If they fire you for something as silly as that, then you're better off without that kind of negativity (not to mention, in a lot of countries it's illegal under discrimination laws).

[Storyteller.]

I'm sorry that this coworker found out that way; even if you did want people at work to know, I imagine that this isn't the way you would have gone about it.

That said, what exactly about the situation are you finding upsetting? Do you think your coworkers may not be accepting or that you might be at risk of repercussions (such as discrimination) because of it? Or is it more that you wanted to keep this to yourself and don't really feel comfortable talking about it with people you don't know?

If you don't want it to go any further, I'd recommend talking to the coworker who saw the thread and explaining that this is something you don't want anyone else to know. If they're a decent person they'll respect that and just let it be, since it's not their secret to tell. If they haven't made a big deal about it by this point, chances are that they don't think it is a big deal. They might be so accepting that they wouldn't even twice about it because they don't assume everyone is straight, so finding out that you're gay wouldn't faze them.

I wouldn't suggest going out of your way to try to convince your coworkers that you're not gay, as that can easily backfire and make them think you are anyway. Instead, if it's something you don't want to talk about, then just... don't talk about it. You don't have to say anything about your private life that you don't want to, and it's perfectly fine to keep something like this to yourself. Not being open about being gay doesn't mean you're pretending to be straight. For example I'm not out at work, but not due to me deliberately trying to somehow pass as straight; it's just not something I've talked about, and I'm fine with people coming to their own conclusions. It doesn't bother me because I know who I am.

Ultimately it's your decision as to how you proceed. There's nothing wrong with not being "out and proud", but there might also be nothing wrong with your coworkers knowing, even if this isn't how you wanted them to find out.

[bringmethehorizon♥]

It's just personal the awkwardness now of work is gonna be so shit

[Storyteller.]

Originally Posted by bringmethehorizon♥

It's just personal the awkwardness now of work is gonna be so shit

What exactly makes you think it's going to be awkward? Do you think your other coworkers know by now? And if so, do you think they're likely to give you a hard time over it, or even mention it? If they do bring it up and you ask them not to, are they likely to respect that?

Originally Posted by bringmethehorizon♥

It's just personal the awkwardness now of work is gonna be so shit

It'll only be shit if you let it be. The next time you go to work, tell this person something along the lines of "hey, I know you probably saw that webpage. Can we just not talk about that?" and he may not even remember or know what you're talking about. Or he might, but he will be cool about it.

If he's not and starts spreading nasty rumors about you, then talk to management. They will be the ones to deal with this person, you don't have to do anything. You already did your part by reporting it. But don't do so until there is something to report.

I'm sorry you're going through this, though. I can only imagine how badly the anxiety is waiting for the next shift and confrontation.

[Honeybadger40]

Personally I would not worry. I know it's difficult not being able to come out and say these things when you feel ready to and instead being forced to discuss it earlier than planned. But it seems to me that the people at your work either haven't reacted or have responded positively to this(?). The truth is people would come to know eventually any way. If everyone is cool with it then if anything this might things easier for you in time as you won't have the anxiety of worrying about if/when to come out to them now. Just be confident and chilled out about it. Don't make a big deal out of it as being gay isn't a big deal if anyone asks about it just answer calmly but make your response short and to the point.

I highly doubt people will mind. But if anyone does react badly or treat you differently because of it then report it to your boss. You don't deserve to be discriminated against because of your sexuality and your boss should help to protect you from that happening to you whilst at work.

Also, just a thought, are you sure they KNOW you are gay because they saw the post? They may not have realised it was you that posted it. If they can't be sure it was your post and you're really not comfortable with them knowing yet then is there a way you could just tell them it's a site you help out on and that you were just here to give advice? I don't think you should have to pretend to them of course, but if you really don't want them to know, would this be an option?

Good luck.
Honey