How do I come out to my friends as trans?

[mylifeisadumpsterfire]

I've come to realize that I am trans ftm and since realizing this I've gotten so much dysphoria that I feel would go down abit if my friends were to understand I'm ftm and call me by my male name and use he/him pronouns. Don't get me wrong I know my friends would accept me but it's such a personal thing for me and we've never really talked about anything personal and I'm scared of their reaction. I don't even know how to start if I'm being honest I'm not out to anyone yet but if I were to come out I would want my friends to be the first ones to know I just don't know how to tell them.

[Hanna Banana]

I may be be young but I have come to know in this world that people have to feel comfortable with who they are before they can open themselves to others. This goes for anyone, straight, lesbian, gay, trans, whatever. It has to be really hard for someone to share something so personal about themselves such as being trans to friends because that must be a huge step. It is totally different than just me being a straight girl opening myself up about my anxiety and depression to my close friends. The bottom line though is this is who you are and these are your friends and if anyone can accept you for who you are and what makes you happy it is your close friends. So as hard as it may be to break the ice with this I really think telling them and being up front and honest is the way the go and I am pretty sure they will accept you. If they turn away then they weren't a true friend in the first place.

The first thing you should do, is assess that you would be safe confiding in them. You said you think they would be pretty accepting but please be absolutely certain because some people have really terrible responses to someone coming out as trans.

If, after assessing, you determine that your friends would be safe to confide into then you can decide if you want to tell them all at once or individually. Some people have an easier time talking about these things one on one and others have an easier time doing so with a group of friends or family.

Having a personal discussion with people you haven't gotten personal can be difficult. However, you might be able to view it as an opportunity to see if you can continue having personal conversations with them.

Best of luck.

[del677]

When my sister became my brother, there was a transition period where I had to get used to saying "he" instead of "she".

It took a while. I'd often slip and say "her" instead of "him". I just kept correcting myself.

Eventually I got used to saying "him", and he is now definitely all he/him and my brother. He's a great guy!

(That may not be a direct answer to your question. Just wanted you to expect there'll be a transition period where people get used to saying the other thing.)

I think my mother had the hardest time. She went next door to break the news to our neighbor. She hemmed and beat around the bush, and the neighbor eventually said, "Oh for Christ's sake, I already know! She's a he! He's a tranny! We've known this for years! He's a wonderful kid and we love him!"

[Moxie.]

Hey there,

First of all, congratulations for making the decision to come out to your friends! I'm glad you're not too concerned about how they will react to it, but it's understandable that you still have some questions about how you should go about it. The thing is there's no cut-and-dry way to come out. The most important thing is that you do it in a way that makes you feel the most comfortable.

When I made the decision to come out to my friends as a lesbian, I realized that I have a very different relationship with each of them. Because of that, I ended up telling them individually rather than in a large group. Some, I kept very low-key and told in a private setting because I knew there were going to be a lot of things to address. Others, I told over dinner or at a coffee shop. There were even a few where I just dropped it casually into conversation and left it at that. Perhaps you could do the same thing. Think about the people that you want to tell and figure out a way that feels the most natural for telling each of them. Having those one-on-one conversations will allow you to have more personal conversations about it with your friends in case questions come up.

If you do decide to tell them in a large group, perhaps you could consider inviting them over to your house or going to a favorite hangout spot. While having them at your house will have it more personal, going to a public place will minimize the risk of a family member overhearing, if that's something you're concerned about. You can either wing it (say things as they come to you) or practice what you're going to say ahead of time if you're worried that nerves will get in the way.

If you have any more questions or need help coming up with a more specific plan, feel free to reply to this thread or PM me.

Best of luck,
Sammi