Sexuality, homophobic mother and Uni LGBT societies

[someone you don't know]

I've questioned my sexuality for a while but having zero experience in relationships with anyone at all means that I have no solid ideas.

I think I would lean toward identifying as bi, but until June I went to an all girls school and have boy-phobic parents so I don't actually have any male friends for comparison of feelings. I think I've had crushes on a few girls but I've never acted on anything.

It really doesn't help that my mother is rather homophobic with the "it's just a phase mentality" if she is presented with the issue of sexuality in conversation, and if confronted she comes back with the absolute classic; "I don't have a problem with the people, but the act itself is just wrong". If that wasn't enough, for some as yet unknown reason, she genuinely seems to believe that homosexuality was the reason for the downfall of the Roman Empire!

Then there's the problem that I am going to university for 6 years to study medicine during which time I will be financially dependant on my parents; mix it all together and I may potentially have the recipe for a small shit storm!

Rant aside, I wanted to know if it would be a good idea to join the LGBT group at my new university or if it would be better to simply go along to a few of the public LGBT events first and see what happens.

Any input or advice is greatly appreciated <3

[Switch9190]

Hiya.
Ok as for homophobes I know what your dealing with. I know a few and one being my grandma she's very opinionated. she doesnt mind if her next dor neighbors are gay but if i say yeah I like guys and girls and Im a cross -dresser to an extent. shit hits the fan.

I just moved out from my home and Im kiddy-corner to the lgbt district and smack dab in the art district. anywhoo im starting school as well and I made myself a uniform that would prolly make my granny keel over... bahah.

As for wht your doing, Its about you! Id join the club personally and if my granny said anything, id just say Im volenteering and or helping a friend I met. if she prys or trys to get you out of there just be like, "Im learning about other people so im not in the majority that doesnt understand, times change."

If you want to take it slow go for an event and meet some people if you click join a club if not your free to walk away.
It comes down to how much shit hitting the fan you can take. make yourself happy not scum to others happyness.. thats how i roll.

hope I helped. If you got anymore questions or wanna tlk pm me.
Later.
-rey

[Moxie.]

Hey there,

The only way you'll really be able to discover your sexuality is by putting yourself out there and experimenting a little bit. You may not have had a lot of opportunities to do that at your old school, but uni is a really good place to get started. Don't rush to put a label on yourself, though. At the end of the day, that's not what's important. What is important is that you're happy and comfortable with who you choose to fall in love with. Trust me, you'll figure it out.

Unfortunately, homophobic people are everywhere. It's just a part of the society that you live in. Perhaps you should refrain from mentioning any curiosity about your sexuality to your mother until you have a better understanding of it yourself. From what you've written, it sounds like it would only serve to provoke unnecessary arguments, which could sway your decision. Focus on finding what it is that you want and tell her about it when you're ready to.

Personally, I think it would be a great idea for you to join an LGBT society at your new school. While going to the more public events is great, getting involved with a society on your campus will allow you to really get to know people who are struggling with similar things and allow you to get a better understanding of what you're working on figuring out.

Take care!

[TheCrowing]

Nobody outside of the uni has to know about your choice of clubs once you get there. It's not like high school, where there are permission slips, parent-attended recognition-events, etc. It's all student run, except for some advisors, and it really is a great place to not only meet like minded people, but to explore who you are as a person. I helped create mine my first semester, and I'm involved in the main uni's group.. and I've met some of the best people I've ever met, and I've gone to events and gatherings I never thought I would. Get involved any way you can. If you don't like it, you can easily just stop going or taking part in things.. but if you don't go.. you might never know if you'd like it or not. You might regret it.

[someone you don't know]

Now I feel like an idiot.

I stumbled onto some documentary about families accepting their LG kids and how some people have distorted scripture to be against homosexuality, and then for the first time in my life I managed to scrounge up the courage to ask my mum to watch it.

My mother returned my laptop to me after watching 10 minutes, deeming the program a hate documentary attacking 'some really good authors' then sent me a couple of websites about 'the other side of the argument'. Both of the websites congratulated Exodus International on their work in conversion therapies!

My mother then comes to talk to me in person to tell me; "I don't hate gay people. I just don't think they've got it right", and citing the one person she has ever known to be gay. She said that being gay is just an excuse to be more promiscuous because there's no chance of anyone getting pregnant or anything.

She asked me if I had been trying to tell her I was gay and I panicked and said no. Which is technically not a lie...

I just feel like such a coward, and it just makes me so angry because I want so badly to shout and scream at her. I want to tell her she's wrong and prejudiced and I want her to understand. But I don't. I'm too scared I'll just make it worse.


Thanks for the advice though, people. I really appreciate it. Thanks.

[emilyjaynescott]

Don't feel like an idiot.

I think what you did was a great idea. One thing that you could do is you could approach her to talk about it, and say that one of your friends came out to you as gay and you don't think that it's a problem, but that your mothers opinion of gay people is confusing you as to whether you should be bothered about it. It might allow you to get her to open up about her true opinions, without putting yourself in the line of fire.

Secondly, yes, when you're at university go to the lgbt events, and even join the group if you like the people that are in it! As someone above said, there is no reason anyone has to know what groups you join, until you are ready to tell them! So don't feel embarassed, just allow yourself the chance to embrace it, and explore!

As for your mothers view on gay being an excuse for promiscuity... I myself have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years in a very committed relationship, she was 21 when we got together, and a virgin whereas I have plenty of straight friends who sleep with anything that walks!!