Fleeing abuse

[TeenHelp]

Fleeing abuse
By Chantal (MsNobleEleanor)

What is abuse?
Abuse is defined as physical violence, psychological, sexual, financial, controlling behaviours, and mistreatment. Abuse can happen to anyone by anyone. One example of abuse would be someone who lies and robs their victim.

You can live with your abuser, work with them, live down the street from them; even friends can abuse you, or those who are in positions of authority.

Experiencing any form of abuse impacts the individual in many ways and when someone is ready to flee that abuse, it can be challenging to cope with the new changes happening for them.

What to do if you are being abused
It can take a long time to recognize abuse and sometimes the damage has already been done. Having feelings of denial is common for victims because accepting there is a problem due to the impact the abuser has had can make it difficult to process the behaviors/events as abuse. Emotional or psychological abuse can be hard for victims to detect because it can be subtle.

Acceptance is a huge part in being able to flee the abuse. Once you accept that the abuse is happening, it can be easier to take the next step, but sometimes it is still hard to know what those steps are. During the acceptance stage it's important to reach out to organizations within your community for support and information on how to leave the abuse safely.

Taking steps and setting a plan for your escape can be scary and daunting but you don't need to go through it alone.

What are those steps?
Having a plan set in place can be helpful so you know what you can do and what to expect. Reaching out to friends, family, police, community supports and those you trust can help alleviate any anxiety or fear you are experiencing. Everyone who goes through abuse may need to take different steps because every situation is unique.

Community supports
Depending on what your needs are or whether you are unsure about what to do next, going to a community center or mental health center where there are social workers can help. If you are being abused, telling them about it can help them figure out how to best support you and refer you to more support within the community.

Common referrals
The community supports that you decide to reach out to can provide you with additional resources and help you get connected with agencies for further help. Some of these referrals can be for a safe place to stay such as a shelter or group home; or counseling, medical support, legal advice, and support groups.

Depending on your area you can access more support with private agencies or churches which will allow you to connect with others, have a hot meal, receive help with transportation, or get clothing and items for a new home.

Law enforcement
Reporting the abuse to the police can provide comfort because you know they are aware of what is going on, even if you feel it isn't abuse. If you are being physically abused, the police can help you safely leave the home and press charges against the person(s). Reporting abuse to the police might allow them to arrest the perpetrator due to the physical harm they have caused. Reporting psychological abuse can differ based on where you are and what the police can enforce.

If you are in danger and need help to escape the abuse, calling the police for assistance is an option. You can also read an article on Protecting yourself from abusive individuals.

About shelters
A shelter is a safe place where you can go to when you are being abused. There are many different types of shelters that could be available to you. Some can be hard to get into, whereas others are easier to get a place in.

Some of the harder shelters to get into are shelters targeted for women and children fleeing abuse because they only have so many beds available. Family shelters can be full as they are designed for families who have lost their home and have children. Some shelters are designed for people who meet certain criteria such as how severe someone's mental health is (e.g. schizophrenia) or their physical needs (e.g. mobility). A general homeless shelter can't turn away anyone who has become homeless, so they usually have extra space available.

If you are being abused, the steps you decide to take in order to get out of the abuse will differ from person to person and your circumstances. While leaving abuse can be difficult, using some of the resources listed above can make the process a little easier.

Here are some resources if you are being abused:
Hotlines to talk about the abuse you are experiencing: http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/#rape_and_abuse
Resources to learn more about abuse and how you can get help: http://www.teenhelp.org/resources/#rape_and_abuse