The cycle of domestic violence

[Storyteller.]

The cycle of domestic violence
By Brittany (Aspire.)

Overview of domestic abuse

Every eighteen seconds, an act of domestic violence occurs. Although the common assumption is that it’s only women who are abused, that’s purely a myth. Domestic violence does not discriminate. Victims can be any age, gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, or social status. While most people think that it’s easy to recognize abuse, the cycle of domestic violence is frequently overlooked. This generally happens because people are uneducated about the signs of an abusive relationship, or because they doubt that it'll ever happen to them.

The cycle

In 1979, a psychologist named Lenore Walker conducted research on abusive relationships, which led to a discovery of the stages of an abusive relationship. Although it’s different for every relationship, the characteristics and events that occur within every abusive relationship are similar. Walker concluded that there are three phases of an abusive relationship: the tension building phase, the acute battering episode, and the honeymoon phase.

Tension building phase
This phase starts when domestic issues become stressful (e.g. money, children, cleaning, or jobs). When the level of stress escalates past a certain point, verbal abuse begins and controlling behavior erupts. Such behavior may include threats, breaking things, verbal warnings, negative body language or facial expressions. The victim will try to avoid the abusive behavior by pleasing their partner. The common thought is, “if he/she is happy, then the abuse will stop”; however, that’s not the case.

Acute battering episode
Once the tension building phase reaches the boiling point, physical violence begins. This could include biting, kicking, punching, slapping, hair pulling, or sexual assault upon the victim. However, it’s not always physical. Emotional abuse is also a problem in abuse cases. The abuser may be extremely controlling, intimidating, neglectful, or initiate stalking behaviors. Ultimately, it’s unprovoked by the victim, but they blame themselves.

Honeymoon phase
The abuser appears to express remorse and seems to make attempts at fixing what he/she damaged. The victim receives apologetic and helpful behavior. Empty promises are made to the victim, such as, “it’ll never happen again.” This phase is enough to convince the victim that leaving isn't necessary and that the abuser genuinely didn't mean it.

This cycle repeats over a long period of time with each cycle lasting anywhere from a few days to a few months. The entire cycle could take up to a year to complete. However, the length of the cycle eventually diminishes over time and the honeymoon stage may eventually disappear, resulting in constant violence and/or insults.

Leaving the relationship

Escaping from an abusive relationship is a difficult decision to make. In fact, there are many factors that prevent someone from leaving. Some examples of these factors are conflicting emotions (such as fear or embarrassment), social or religious pressure, raising children, feeling unsafe outside of the relationship, or being reliant on the abusive partner in everyday life. Outside assistance can alter these factors, making it easier for the victim to leave the relationship. With that being said, only 70% of domestic abuse cases are reported to authorities. Out of all the individuals who experience abuse, approximately 21% of females and 10% of males ask for help to escape. Sadly, about three women and one man are murdered by their partner in the United States every day.

In order to successfully escape and lead a happier life, a safety plan is essential and must be followed carefully. You should know where to go for help, such as a hospital or a police station. With evidence of the abuse (e.g. pictures or physical marks), authorities will be able to prosecute the abuser. After leaving, it's crucial to feel safe again; therefore, stay with someone who provides a safe environment. Family and close friends are usually a great resource for recovering from a traumatic abusive experience; however, victims of abuse need to ensure that their perpetrators do not discover the location of their new residence. You may want to consider moving to another town, out-of-state, or residing in a "safe house" for a period of time, while sentencing is carried out against the perpetrator.