Coming Out

[Mel]

Article featured in Avatar - Volume 1, Issue 10 (March 2008).

Coming Out
by .Infinity. (Mel)

Growing up, discovering your sexual orientation may be one of the most difficult things you will go through. Not knowing how you feel can be quite confusing. As important as knowing your sexual orientation is, coming out to those close to you is also something that may be quite important to you. When you do know how you feel, however, coming out may be quite nerve wrecking. This article will give you a few "how to" tips.

What is "coming out"?

"Coming out" or "coming out of the closet" is better known as leaving others know your sexual orientation. Be it that you're gay, lesbian or anything at all, announcing it to your family, friends or the whole world best describes this action.

Okay, but why is it important to tell?

Everyone has their own reasons as to why telling others is important to them, but telling others where you stand is mostly important because it will set your mind at ease. Feeling alone with these feelings, like you have to hide them and that no one would accept them can make everything quite difficult for you. Being happy in a relationship and having those close to you know and fully support it can make you feel a whole lot better about things.

How should I tell them, though?

The best way to tell anyone is to take whoever you've chosen to tell aside. Explain to them that you have to tell them something that's difficult for you to say, if it is in fact, but that it's important to you and that you feel that it's important that they know it. Let them know that you want to be open and honest with them, and that you're telling them because you feel most comfortable telling them. And when you're ready, tell them.

After you have told them what you wanted to say, be calm with them. Be calm with them even if they seem shocked or upset. Remember, this person is your friend or family member after all. They may just need some time to adjust to it all.

What are some tips on coming out?

Here are some tips on letting those close to you know about your preference.

A) Figure out who you want to tell.

As you probably don't want the whole world knowing at once, decide who you do want knowing this. Ask yourself who you're most closest to, who you trust the most and who may be more open about it. Basically, chose to tell those who you feel most comfortable telling. Tell them all at once if you would like to, or to minimize the discomfort of all of the people at once, take only one or two people aside when you're ready to tell.

B) Choose a time.

As with everything else in life, there's always a good and bad time to tell. Telling a person at a bad time can make a world of difference on the outcome of it. If the person you want to tell is angry about something, upset with you or anything negative at all, it's probably best if you wait for a while to tell them. Just wait until the moods are positive. This goes the same if it's even a family member such as your parents.

C) Choose a place.

As there is a certain time for everything, there is also a certain place. The best idea is probably to say it somewhere private. In case things do not go how you hope for them to go, being in a public place can call for a disaster.

D) Know what you're going to say!

Yes, even something like this needs planning. You need to know what you're going to tell them when you let them know, and you most definitely need to be prepared to answer whatever questions they may have for you. As this will be something new to them, they will more than likely ask you things such as: "Since when have you felt that way?", "Are you sure you feel this way?", "Have you been in a relationship yet?", and they may even ask the more difficult questions. So when you go to tell, make sure you're really ready.

Last, but certainly not least, stay calm! As said before, the people you tell are people who you're most closest to. They know you, they care about you and they may just need a little time to adjust to it. So if they seem a little shocked by it, try not to take it wrong. At the end of it all, only the people who really matter don't mind.