Asexuality: myths and misconceptions

[Storyteller.]

Asexuality: myths and misconceptions
By Chess (Syzygy.)

Although most people have heard the term 'asexual', there is some confusion surrounding what exactly this means. Some people, for example, regard asexuality as a choice much like abstinence. Others mistakenly believe that sexual and romantic attraction are one and the same, attributing asexuality to a lack of romantic attraction to other people. Many of these myths have developed as a result of a simple lack of awareness, and with asexuality becoming more visible in this day and age there is a call for more information on this particular identity. This article aims to dispel some of the myths about this valid sexual orientation, explaining both what it is and what it is not.

Myth 1: Asexuality is the choice to remain celibate
Just like any other sexual orientation, asexuality is not a choice. For a homosexual individual, they are sexually attracted to those of the same sex; for asexual people, they are not attracted to any individual of any sex. They do not experience sexual attraction towards other people. This is not to be confused with lack of sexual drive or lack of interest in sex, but is simply the lack of attraction towards other people. Asexual people do not choose their sexual orientation, although they can choose to be open about it. Celibacy is the choice to not engage in sexual activity, which usually has to do with a person's beliefs and often has nothing to do with the person's sexual orientation. Asexual people often choose not to engage in sexual activity because of their lack of sexual attraction towards others; however, they typically have normal libidos, and often engage in sexual activity with their romantic or platonic partners.

Myth 2: Asexual people never experience romantic attraction
There is often no correlation between romantic and sexual attraction. It's possible to be attracted to one gender in a romantic way (meaning, for example, you might enjoy spending time with them and may even kiss them, but you don’t want to have sex with them) and another gender in a sexual way, or to be romantically attracted to people without feeling any sexual attraction at all. People who identify as asexual may or may not experience romantic attraction, but the thing which links them all is their lack of sexual attraction to people.

Myth 3: Asexuality is a curable condition, something that is unnatural
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual. It is natural, and people who identify as asexual can still have satisfying lives filled with meaningful relationships. There is no sense in trying to 'cure' asexuality, since it is neither a disease nor a condition which will negatively impact upon a person's life. It is simply an orientation whereby people do not experience sexual attraction, and has no bearing on that person's intelligence or health status.

Myth 4: It is impossible to know if you're asexual without actually having sex
Some people tend to assume that being straight is the default orientation, and it is impossible to know that you aren't straight unless you have had a sexual experience. Strangely, these people often claim that people may know they're straight before they're even old enough to have sex. It is entirely possible to know your sexual orientation without having had any sexual experiences, although some people find that experimentation can help in clarifying their feelings. For asexuals, they do not have sexual attraction towards any person, and although sex might be fulfilling for them on the basis of physical pleasure or gratification for their romantic or platonic partner, it doesn't make sense to force them to participate in something they're not interested in for the sake of "proving" their sexuality.

Myth 5: Asexuality is just a phase; you'll grow out of it
Sexual orientation is fluid and can change over a person's lifetime. Although there may be times where one may not have sexual attraction towards other people, it's not like that for everybody. Asexuality is an enduring state, which is not likely to exhibit much change or fluctuation. It's estimated that 1% of the population identifies as asexual, which shows that it is not just something which people may consider during puberty or the teenage years and then 'grow out of'; it is an actual sexual orientation that is likely to last for the majority, if not all, of an individual's life.

Myth 6: Asexual people never masturbate/have sex; they're disgusted by/afraid of it
In most cases, this is not true. As mentioned before, asexual people can and do participate in sexual activities, but it is not uncommon for them to refrain from doing so simply due to a lack of interest. Asexuality is not a choice, and therefore has nothing to do with the person's feelings towards or opinion of sex itself. Being disinterested is not the same as being disgusted; just as many homosexuals do not find the idea of heterosexual intercourse disgusting, asexual individuals do not find sex with others to be disgusting either.

The important thing to remember is that asexuality is not a choice, nor something to be frowned upon. It is a sexual orientation, just like heterosexuality or homosexuality, and should be treated as such. Although there is generally a trend towards increase understanding and awareness of asexuality, it is still not as 'mainstream' as orientations such as bisexuality and homosexuality. That's why it’s important to educate yourself and others, so that these myths and misconceptions can be cleared up and asexuality better understood.