Who to tell? Just found out I'm pregnant?

[foreveryoung18]

Not sure if I'm allowed to post here but not sure if I should post this in the relationship or rape&abuse or pregnancy... Either way here I go. I am pregnant. I took a test and it was a faint positive not like last one it was definantly a line as I thought my period never is this late and now I'm nearly 5 weeks off my lmp by the time I go to the dr I'll be 5 weeks. It's been a little over 2 weeks since getting knocked up... I'm on a 21.5 days cycle exactly so I have known for a while something wasn't right... and have a visit with my dr. next Monday for other reasons. Over the weekend, me and my ex have made peace between us and hopefully things can go smoother than they have. I told him I wasn't pregnant I actually thought I might have gotten my period at one point because I have cramps and a lot of discharge but I feel actually more energetic now. Anyway now that everything's seemed better but not all the way of course still there's the legal side to this. A little while ago we reported each other for abuse. So there's been a lot of drama. I'm thinking since we both want nothing to do with each other and just everything to go away including legally that I shouldn't tell him that I'm pregnant. I'm not sure I'm keeping it or not. Likely I will I think matters on several factors. Thing is I'd have to hide that I'm pregnant at school in this town and work he goes there frequently. I wanted to leave town soon but surely I have to tell my family. I feel like unsafe having his child if he's involved. When I thought I might be pregnant he was abusive and I don't want to deal with that. And I don't know like it could be used against me. But at the same time I texted him about having sex and being pregnant. So I guess if it really doesn't matter the evidence is there I just have to wait and see if anything will be done... If I can get through this ordeal peacefully I just don't know how to hide the pregnancy at school. I'm scared of him if he finds out I'm pregnant and keeping it if he'll have a worst response. I know now it's an issue to have a child now. But I don't what I'm supposed to do about him. Should I just admit it's not his? He has a condition called pais so his fertility and likely to father a child is unlikely or slimmer. So it's more like that if there was another guy I was with I could just say it's theirs. I don't have anyone though I was fully devoted to him I'd never had cheated on him.... I don't know how to pretend it's not his though. I guess socially my life is in the toilet anyway... I don't know if I even want to tell family because I'd like to know what I'm going to do before I tell them... I don't want to be swayed into anything. I don't even really like the thought of adoption if I were to keep it it would be to parent. I'm an adult I can do it. I know I can. I just am scared. I don't want this to turn worse with my ex and I don't want to do anything I'll regret. Advice??

[Harmony♥]

Even if things aren't going well between you and your ex right now, I do believe that it would be fair that you let him know. That way, you both can go over the options of either raising him/her together peacefully, giving him/her up for adoption to a family that wants a child, or terminating the pregnancy completely. All of these options are open to you. Here is a bit more information on each.

Keeping Him/Her: Of course, this is going to be the hardest one out of the 3. Raising a child isn't easy, but this is something the both of you should discuss together. That way you can both figure out how to financially care for the child, who gets visitation on which days (since you two aren't together, visitation should be discussed), etc. This decision is entirely up to the both of you, and should be reached as a mutual decision together.

Adoption: If you don't think you could go through with terminating the pregnancy, or raising your baby on your own (or together), I would look into this. There are two types of adoption available to you. Of course, an adoption agency will have more information for you, but here's what I understand about the adoption process. You have an open adoption which allows you to be in your child's life, however, you sign over your rights as their parent when you give him/her up for adoption to another family. You can acquire pictures, letter, e-mails, and even visitation with your child if you choose to go the open adoption route. Now, an open adoption is completely up to the family that you choose to be your child's adoptive parents, but you can always ask the agency you go through to try to find a couple that wouldn't mind an open adoption. The other type of adoption is called closed adoption. Pretty self-explanatory, but this means you'll have no contact with your child until they decide to find you later in their life. No picture, letters or e-mail's with updates about your child. Your child wouldn't even acknowledge the fact that you are their birth parent until they decide to find you later in life (which may or may not happen).

Terminating the pregnancy: This option is completely available to you too. It's pretty self-explanatory as well, however, there are two types of abortions. There is a medical abortion, which they give you the abortion pill (distributed from a doctor's office), and you go from there. The second type is called a surgical abortion, where a doctor physically removes the embryo from your uterus during a visit to a clinic. Both can be pretty expensive if you don't have any medical insurance. Through Planned Parenthood's website, the abortion pill can range anywhere from $300-$800, and a surgical abortion can range anywhere from $300-$950. Sometimes, these fees can be waived, but I'm not sure if that applies procedures such as abortion. You can read more on each type of abortion here:
In-Clinic Abortion Procedures: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/hea...dures-4359.asp

Abortion Pill: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/hea...rtion-4354.asp


Now, on top of telling your ex (which is completely up to you. We can't tell you to tell him or not. It's just a wise decision), you should also tell your family so you can have a excellent support system behind you no matter what decision you decide to make.

You can also go to Planned Parenthood clinics to get counseling on each of these options, and they will help you decide which one is right for you. You can find your local PP by visiting their website: www.plannedparenthood.org

I wish you the best of luck in any of the decisions that you make. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

[foreveryoung18]

he's pretty abusive I'm scared of him. I kind of cut him out of my life I did decide I'm keeping him/her though.

[Harmony♥]

If you choose not to tell him, you might want to consider what he might do if he finds out from someone else. Of course, the decision is entirely up to you. I'm just trying to make sure you consider everything.

I'm glad you've come to a decision on what you'll do in regards to the baby him/herself. It's not going to be easy, but I know you'll do great!