Female Advice Preferred: I found out I got a girl pregnant on prom night

[XY1194]

This is all still a surprise to me but I need to get this off my chest. This past spring I had my senior prom and afterward I ended up having sex with my date. I am white and she was Asian, we never dated before but we had known each other and she had asked me to take her. (Turns out she had had a real crush on me for a while and I didn't notice.) We didn't talk after that night and I didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to the other day, I'm looking through Facebook for this girl just to catch up, see how college is going and I don't see her. When I asked a female friend of hers she acted surprised that I didn't know and then dropped the bomb: she had gotten pregnant on prom night. I was shocked.
"Remember at graduation before the ceremony started, she threw up?" she asked.
"Yeah. I thought she was just nervous."
"No. She was pregnant. She said she was going to tell you then but she clearly didn't"

She then told me that after her parents, who were very strict and traditional, found out they sent her away to have the baby. She doesn't know where she went. I don't know what to do right now. I haven't told anyone else yet. Should I find her or wait for her to call?

[Harmony♥]

Since you couldn't find her via Facebook, and none of your mutual friends know where her location is, it's best to wait until she turns up again.

This could have happened to anyone, and I know it has come as a surprise, but the baby will be born, and she'll come back around for you to catch up with her and to find out why you were never informed of the pregnancy.

I know it's hard, but waiting would be best right now. When she's ready, she'll call you.

[escape_thereal_world]

I would suggest waiting as well.

If you want, either wait for her to call you, or you can see about getting in touch with her parents and talking with them (if you are wanting to be involved with the baby), to let them know you know and you want to be involved. The girl obviously didn't want you to know for some reason, so I would be cautious doing this, but you DO have a right to be involved and you had a right to know that she was pregnant.

[justfallinginlove]

The girl obviously didn't want you to know for some reason

I'm going to have to disagree with this. We don't know what the girl was thinking or how she was feeling. She may not have had a chance (or means) to tell him before her parents made arrangements.

Although I do agree that you should just wait, as hard as that sounds. If you really can't help yourself, then, like Kelly said, you could always try calling her parents. Make sure that you are ready to step up before you do this though.
Also try talking to a trusted parent, guardian, teacher, counselor, etc. about the situation.
Good luck!

[leavemealone]

It wouldn't hurt to try and find her, but if you cant I would just wait. There's not much you can do in this situation. I would want to know where my baby is too. Its scary. And don't think that the girl didn't want you to know. She probably did, but she just didn't want the burden to be put on you. Try contacting the parents, be respectful and just say that your concerned and you would like to find their daughter. I mean, Jesus, this isn't the 1900's anymore. A father has the right to know where his child is!

[escape_thereal_world]

Originally Posted by justfallinginlove

I'm going to have to disagree with this. We don't know what the girl was thinking or how she was feeling. She may not have had a chance (or means) to tell him before her parents made arrangements.

You're right. I was seeing it more as she was sent away to have the baby (when she was 8 or 9 months along), but didn't consider they could have sent her when she first found out.

BUT! Everything else I said, I still stand by.

[XY1194]

Thanks for all the advice. It's really been killing me over what to do, I feel like I should say something to her parents but I feel they won't take kindly to me. since I'm white. Part of me even hopes that the baby isnt mine, but she was a virgin so that's impossible and I know this is a terrible thing to say. I hope I can get through this.

[WashoutThePain]

You will get through this! It might not be the easiest thing you've done, but you will get through it <3 You have every right to contact her parents and ask for more information. You could even write a formal letter if you want to avoid some confrontation (or e-mail even). Face-to-face might produce the best results though. I'm not sure, it really depends on the type of parents.

I wouldn't give up trying to find her. As hard as it may be to processes everything, accept what might have happened and move forward, if this was your child, you would definitely want to know/ decide what to do then. You definitely seem responsible-- and that's really fantastic.

Is there anything else we can do?

[XY1194]

I guess all I can do is either nothing or find her. It's weird because she's the last girl you'd think would get pregnant in high school, even besides being Asian. I have to figure out where to go from here and tell someone about this. If not then I'm glad I have this forum.

[Guile]

Ignore it, cut all ties, avoid the devil of child support! It's is so absurdly overpriced, make sure to avoid getting involved, and refuse to accept that the child is yours, make it as legally difficult for them to put anything on you!

[The Goblins Blade]

Dont pay a penny to the child

[Marguerite]

Some people (such as the OP) would care more about the fact that they are going to be a father, rather than if it's going to cost him anything.

This thread had nothing to do with money or child support. Nobody was asking him for it. He wasn't even asking about it. How screwed up does a person have to be to hear someone reaching out for help like this and immediately tell them to hold onto their wallets with dear life??

[The Goblins Blade]

Originally Posted by Marguerite

Some people (such as the OP) would care more about the fact that they are going to be a father, rather than if it's going to cost him anything.

This thread had nothing to do with money or child support. Nobody was asking him for it. He wasn't even asking about it. How screwed up does a person have to be to hear someone reaching out for help like this and immediately tell them to hold onto their wallets with dear life??

Becouse my future kids are not getting a single penny from me and i dont see why i should be there for them.

[Maloo]

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

Becouse my future kids are not getting a single penny from me and i dont see why i should be there for them.

Then don't have any kids, ever, because that's a disgusting thing to say.

[Marguerite]

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

Becouse my future kids are not getting a single penny from me and i dont see why i should be there for them.

You know, you are under no obligation to get some poor girl knocked up. How about you just plan to keep it wrapped instead of planning to be a shitty, absentee parent?

By the way, I hope your parents didn't feel the same way about you.

[The Goblins Blade]

Originally Posted by Maloo

Then don't have any kids, ever, because that's a disgusting thing to say.

Sorry but thats just my opinion on the matter.

[Angel]

Please let's not stray off topic. This thread is to give the user advice on his situation, not anything else.

[blumemusik♫]

Personally, I would say that you should try and find her. If you want to be a part of the baby's life (which I think it sounds like you do) then don't just sit back and do nothing!

If, on the other hand, I've got it wrong, and you want nothing to do with the child, then just forget about it. But that sounds kind of harsh doesn't it?

Or you could wait a few months. It's possible that when she gives birth, she'll come and find you. Then you can make the choice of whether to be a dad or not.

It's totally up to you, but I personally think you should try to find her. It'd be nice, in her situation, to know that somebody cares

Best of luck whatever you do <3

[Pessimistic Panda]

Honestly, I think the best thing to do is try searching facebook, and if she's of age now look in some phone books online phonebooks and wahtnot and try to find her. I mean give or take there'd be some time you'd never get to see your baby but at least you'd get to meet your child.

I mean give or take, if I read correctly it was her parents choice to send her away and not hers. Don't be too upset with her. I'm sure things will end up for the best either way.