8 moths pregnant at 17 and all by myslef...please help.

[nikkilovespink17]

hello everyone who cares enough to read this, my name is nicole. im 17 and graduating from high school this june. im going to get my license in cosmetology in September then going on to attend paul mitchell.so it seems to be that i am on "the right path."
i am 8moths pregnant, with a baby boy. the father, who i was with for about 2 years has left me because of something i did before are relationship even began. that hes has know about for over a year now. he has not been here for me at all. i have received no support and nothing but heart ake, lies and deceit from him.he already has a new girlfriend.he dose drugs and drinks everyday, has forgotten about me all together.im lonely and cry everyday, a few times a day. under my eyes the skin is raw from all the tears i have wiped from my eyes the past 6months. i am scarid or being a single teen parent so young.but, i will do what ever i have to do for my son.

* i am torn, because i am now a mother and mothers do what is best for their children.
i dont know if he will be better off with an adoptive family, or the one he will have with me & his father. im not afraid of the financial situation, im afraid of how he is going to grow up and if i can handle it. but it hurt so bad to know my son, who i breath for and has been apart of me for these months will be gone from me when he is no longer in my belly. im so destroyed but this, i dont even know who i am or what i am anymore.i know that this is my fault because i made the desion to do what i did with him over and over,now i have to deal with the consequences&reprocutions of my actions, i just dont know what to do*

~please help~

[Nicolette]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, being a mom is hard enough I can't imagine what its like being so young and alone. Do you have any friends or family that you can go to for help? You can talk to someone from family planning (your doctor could point you in the right direction) about the idea of adoption. I'm not going to lie it is going to be hard but if you want to raise your child then by all means do so and do the best that you can with the means that you have.

There are programs out there for single moms, support groups and depending on where you live financial help as well.

[CrimeStopper]

I'm just going to say what I would personally do in this situation. I would give the baby to adoptive family. There are so many families that want a healthy new born, that can afford them, that are ready to give them all the love, support, toys, education and so on that they need. You are saying yourself that you worry about how this baby will grow up. You say you aren't worried about money but money just gets harder when a baby comes. Plus you want to go to school. It's going to be twice as hard for you to get through school, job, just live a normal life with a child. Plus if the father is not in there life… well children deserve both parents.

Children are not suppose to be born with a job. It's your responsibility to provide and care for the child. Your right and you need to do what is best for this baby. Loving your child is doing what is best for them no matter how hard the decision is. Are you ready to be a mom for life? You still have your life ahead of you.

But as what is said above, there is no programs for young mothers. But that does not mean that the child will grow up how you want them to. But you can look into them see what they are all about and what they provide. Family planning is a great idea. They will give you all your opinions that you have. There is open adoption too. But being 8 months a long you should probably start deciding on what your going to do.

I may get some flack about what I said in my first paragraph. Yes I personally do feel that you should give your baby is a family. But it is your choice. I'm speaking from my experiences. I'm 23 and got a adoration. Sure I think about my baby sometimes and get teared up about the decision I made. But I also knew it was what is best for my baby. I was not ready to raise a child. Money, job, education, mentally, and the baby's father. I knew my baby wouldn't have the life they should if I would had went through with my pregnancy. I tend to believe very strongly in what I said and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I will forever and always love my baby and I know they will never hate me for what I did. my little one. <3

If you need anything feel free to get a hold of me.

[NevermindMe]

Wow, that's a shame. I guess I'll answer it in point for like I normally do:

1. The father is obviously a... I dunno I can't think of a word that's not super offensive. He doesn't deserve to be in your life, you are better off without him. He drinks and does drugs, he's got another girlfriend, he is a loser. You fell for him, you might want to think at the time you had more common sense, but that's apart of his act. He is a liar and an actor. More will be fooled by him, you have no reason to feel bad. I would seek a restraining order if you are afraid of him. It then becomes against the law to be anywhere near you or your child. Make him pay child support, if you need it or not. Make the dude pay, because it took two to impregnate you.

2. You get it. You realize that having an unplanned baby (Or possibly planned) with a bad guy wasn't good. You mentioned you realize that it was a bad choice. This is step one. You've learned. Good for you.

3. You mentioned you seem to be on the "Right track" but you act as though a baby is on the wrong track. It really isn't great but it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It is not a mistake nor a failure. Never consider it as such.

4. Adoption may be a choice, but I feel that if you want to keep the child it will end up something you will regret. I also feel the need to share a personal story. I knew a girl named Summer, she had a mother who was only 15. She was put up for adoption. She was ten and her mother was then twenty five. Her mother had another child and kept it. When Summer found out, she was devasted. She felt her mother didn't love her, but loved her half sister more. I feel the need to bring this up because many teen moms simply think leaving their child up for adoption and keeping ocasional contact is fine and dandy, but it's not. It can really cause harm. If you have no financial means of supporting the child it is the best option, but you mentioned finances are not a problem, so do not believe adoption will cause less emtional trauma than not having a father.

5. Think about yourself as well. If you sacrifice your entire education and life to your child you may resent them later, and even mentioning how you "missed out" just once will really hurt the child. It won't be healthy to keep the child if you don't really want to keep him.

6. Good luck, PM me if you ever need anything. I'm online several times a day.

- Jusitn

[nikkilovespink17]

thank you all of you for your in put && ur support it is much appreciated.

[BethanyAnn]

I want to say this and I know many would disagree, but I watched my aunt do it and it isn't easy... Don't give that child up, and I say this with all in me because you will live your life in regret and always ask what if. Some mothers who give their children up regret it and wish they hadn't. You do not know what you are capable of until you are driven to do something. You are right you did breathe for this child. Also this is a selfless act if you give this child up and it may be for the better and it takes courage to do it, but you have to ask yourself is the struggle of supporting this child and possibly being able to give him all of what he needs in the end going to outweigh the regret and tears I cry for the rest of my life? You can struggle now but in three years will you see that you could have made it with this child? I think you should see a consular but the push more toward adoption and thats just what they do. But it may help

[AcidRayne*OG*]

I don't know if this will be much help but I totally understand how you feel. When I was sixteen I got pregnant, and when I told the father I was, left me. Enivetably we got back together, but it didn't last. I was afraid about what I would do. I lived with my parents for two more years, I was in high school for another year, I had no job and my parents are not wealthy, I was afraid. I went through with it. I am seventeen now for a couple more months and my daughter will be one next month. I am so glad I didn't put her up for adoption. She is my rock. If I didn't have her, I know this isn't healthy to say, but there are a lot of times I would have considered if not threw myself in front of an Amtrak train. She holds me accountable. She makes me get up in the morning and get my ass to school. She makes me want a job (had one but not enough hours). She will be the one that makes me start college in the winter for my master's degree. As long as finances are not a problem, and even if they are you will get child support and you can most likely get some state assistance if also needed, it's really not that hard to raise a baby. Everyone scared me, made me think it was so hard, but after the first like three months go by and you're so used to it, it's like second nature, it's not that difficult in my opinion, and I do it every day. I think you should keep it. In opinion the emotional distress of giving a child up for adoption would take more out of me than taking care of and loving my child everyday. I'm not hating on adoption by the way, I am just telling her she can do it. She seems smart and driven enough, she can totally do it. Good luck in whatever you decide though, I'm hear to talk if you need me, I've had a good year of experience with it and we're close in age.