pregnant

[snoogums]

okay so my name is Blue I'm almost 13 years old and i just found out that i am pregnant. my dad beats me up when he is in a bad mood and my mom never stands up for me so both my parents hate me. I am very afraid to have them find out. The solution I came up with is to get an abortion and never let anyone know. But i feel really bad doing that I feel like I would be killing it and I love kids. I kind of wish I could keep it even though I know I'm way to young. I have a part time job at a grocery store so I have been thinking about trying to get a place on my own. I would never want my baby to be around violence. I think I have heard something about a way you can share custody of your baby with an adoptive family or something like that because if i had the baby i will probably love it to much to completely give it away but i cant seem to much info on it so if anyone could help me out i don't know what to do.

[Harmony♥]

Hey Blue!
I greatly admire your courage that you have going into a pregnancy at such a young age. I can't even imagine what it would be like to find out I was pregnant at just 12!
Let's start off with you what you called shared custody of your child if you were to put your baby up for adoption: This is called Open Adoption. You don't share custody of your baby however. When dealing with adoption, you are automatically giving your child to a new family. However, if you chose to do an open adoption, you can receive photo updates, phone calls, letters, and even visits with your baby. But, these are all up to your babies new parents. You will no longer be Mom to that child, therefore you have no say when you can and cannot see the baby. An adoption agency will be able to tell you more and give you portfolio's on families that are willing to do open adoptions, however, a lot are not and would rather do a Closed Adoption where you have no contact with the child or it's new family.
I also admire the fact that you have a job at just 12 years old. Sadly, a part time job is not going to give you enough money to rent your own place, PAY that rent, pay your bills and also support a newborn baby. A baby requires lot's of care, therefore, lot's of money is to be spent. There are diapers, formula, clothes (since they grow out of them so quickly), bottles...etc. As well a ton of doctor's visits which you'd need medical insurance for since a doctor's visit isn't cheap these days. It's also true that nobody is going to rent a place to live to a 12 year old, almost 13 year old girl. They'll believe your not responsible enough, and if you can't pay your rent, it's possible that you and your child could end up living alone in the streets.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to scare you. I'm just trying to tell you the realities of your situation.
As for abortion, I'm fairly sure that since you are a minor (under age) that they'd have to inform your parents about the situation. Since you don't want anyone finding out, this would be impossible to do. Of course, I don't know the law's from where you live, so I could be wrong on this part. You might want to get in contact with a doctor's office that specializes in women, a gyno or even a Planned Parenthood. And, of course, abortions aren't free. They cost a lot of money, and are quite painful from what I understand.
I know you don't want to raise a child in the environment in which you were raised, so I'm going to tell you this: TELL SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR FATHER. Your father is abusing you, and no parent or child should have to go through that. Your mother doesn't hate you. She is seeing what your father does to you and is probably scared that if she said anything, she'd get hurt too. Tell a trusted adult: teacher or a counselor, about what is going on at home.
So, you pretty much have your three choices: raise your baby in the environment in which you live now, go through with the abortion, or to choose adoption. At this rate, the open adoption is your best bet for leading a normal teenage life.

[snoogums]

shannonashley, Thank you so much for sharing with me what you know and giving me your opinion It is very helpful.

[Harmony♥]

Your very welcome! And whichever decision you choose, I hope it's the right one for you. I wish you the best of luck, and remember: I am always here if you need someone to talk too! Just send me a message here on TeenHelp or via facebook if you have one. I believe my link is in my profile.

[Gavroche]

Originally Posted by Bluuue

okay so my name is Blue I'm almost 13 years old and i just found out that i am pregnant. my dad beats me up when he is in a bad mood and my mom never stands up for me so both my parents hate me. I am very afraid to have them find out. The solution I came up with is to get an abortion and never let anyone know. But i feel really bad doing that I feel like I would be killing it and I love kids. I kind of wish I could keep it even though I know I'm way to young. I have a part time job at a grocery store so I have been thinking about trying to get a place on my own. I would never want my baby to be around violence. I think I have heard something about a way you can share custody of your baby with an adoptive family or something like that because if i had the baby i will probably love it to much to completely give it away but i cant seem to much info on it so if anyone could help me out i don't know what to do.

I am so sorry to hear that your father does such terrible things to you Blue, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to get pregnant at such a young age. I would really advise you to perhaps seek out someone from an adoption agency to have a conversation about concerning how you want to proceed. There are so so many loving couples out there who cannot have children and are eager to adopt from mothers who feel they cannot raise their child. And I agree with shannonashley insofar as you should alert someone to what your father is doing to you, he has absolutely no right to harm you.

[Tigerlily.]

Sharronashley is basically spot on, and you really do need to tell someone about your father. After they are notified, chances are you would be taken into a foster home, the only thing is not many would accept someone your age who is pregnant. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just trying to tell it to you like it is. If they could find someone to care for you, seeing as you are a minor, and emancipation for you is pretty much way out of the question. But if there was a family who was willing to take care of you, they would be notified of your situation, and if they so chose to take you in, would most likely be interested in helping you financially. I say most likely because nothing is ever 100% certain. Either way, I'm saying if you do the right thing and get away from your home, and are taken in by a loving family knowing your situation, they would help you financially. Then you would have a choice, and not only would the child have a better life, but you would too.

[Harmony♥]

Originally Posted by leochick123

Sharronashley is basically spot on, and you really do need to tell someone about your father. After they are notified, chances are you would be taken into a foster home, the only thing is not many would accept someone your age who is pregnant. I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just trying to tell it to you like it is. If they could find someone to care for you, seeing as you are a minor, and emancipation for you is pretty much way out of the question. But if there was a family who was willing to take care of you, they would be notified of your situation, and if they so chose to take you in, would most likely be interested in helping you financially. I say most likely because nothing is ever 100% certain. Either way, I'm saying if you do the right thing and get away from your home, and are taken in by a loving family knowing your situation, they would help you financially. Then you would have a choice, and not only would the child have a better life, but you would too.

Keep in mind Leochick that authorities would check to see if she has any family that would take her in first before they start looking at foster homes. And, foster homes doesn't necessarily mean that family is adopting her. They're just the home that she would live in while an agency finds a family willing to adopt her. Fact is, she could get bounced from foster home to foster home until they found a suitable family to adopt her, and that might not happen.
Blue really needs to consider all aspects of the situation.

[Tigerlily.]

Originally Posted by shannonashley

Keep in mind Leochick that authorities would check to see if she has any family that would take her in first before they start looking at foster homes. And, foster homes doesn't necessarily mean that family is adopting her. They're just the home that she would live in while an agency finds a family willing to adopt her. Fact is, she could get bounced from foster home to foster home until they found a suitable family to adopt her, and that might not happen.
Blue really needs to consider all aspects of the situation.

True, and I'm not saying she shouldn't consider other options, I'm just saying, going into the foster care system is also an option. And you are right, but I still think even moving around from home to home, would put her in a better situation than what she is in now. In any case, she needs to be the final decider, and base that decision off of knowing all of her options, abortion, adoption, keeping it at the home she lives in, or attempting to keep it while in foster care.

[Harmony♥]

I agree Leochick. I was simply just reminding you that's how the foster care system works. But, raising a baby in foster care can be hard. A lot of foster care families might not help out. I'm not saying they won't, of course. You just need to be placed with the right family for them to be willing to help out. It's likely that these foster care families have a lot of children living with them, and the expense for that is outrageous.
Either way, your right, Blue needs to make a final decision.

[snoogums]

you guys have been helpful yesterday i had a talk with my mom when dad
was at work. i told her that i am pregnant and how it happened and everything and we talked for hours and she cried saying she is sorry she let this go on for so long and blamed herself for how everything is turning out with me i told her that even though im still young and it was a mistake i really wanted to keep my baby if she would help me and then i cried and then dad came home and mom talked to him he yelled alot and hit her i called the police they came to jail and me and my mom are looking for a new place to live and i am going to save all my money for when my new baby comes that way i will be able to pay for what it needs im going to keep it! my mom isnt even mad she is excited for me so thanks everyone

[Quartet]

I'm so glad that everything worked out. I'm sorry about your father. I'm sure it is a difficult thing to go through.

I know that you want to keep your child, but be aware that there are other options like everyone has stated, like adoption. I'm just reiterating this because you are 13 and I can't imagine the amount you'll have to mentally prepare yourself to care for an infant.

I am glad your mother is there for you and willing to help you out.
Either way I am glad you've reached a choice and I'm very happy for you!

How are you and the father??

[Tigerlily.]

I am so glad for you. You did the right thing by calling the police and having him taken to jail. It may be difficult but you and your mother can work hard enough to support this baby. Honestly, I am all for you keeping and caring for the child, you and your mother may both live better now as will this baby. I wish good luck on your journey through motherhood.

[Harmony♥]

Good job Blue! I'm so happy that you took the initiative to have something done about your father. I know it's tough, but you and your mom will have a better life now that he's out of the picture. You've been so brave through all of this, I couldn't admire you more! Good luck with everything and I wish everyone in your situation the best.

[Celtics12]

I say do what you think is right. But you moving into your own place be hard since your only twelve.

[snoogums]

check out my first ultrasound pic on my profile soo big already!!! and only 81/2 weeks

[Nope]

Wow, you're little baby is adorable! It's wonderful that your mother is going to help out. If you need advice or just want someone to talk to, I have a 5 month old daughter and I'd be glad to talk

[--.redpanda.--]

I admire your strength and your bravery that you have told us about. I saw your ultrasound and the baby looks very healthy. I pray that all is safe for you and your unborn child. I'm glad that your mother is so accepting and so willing to help. Considering your age, I am glad that she is excited about it. Not a lot of mothers are like that. I am sorry about your father and I hope that you and you mother will find a suitable place away from him. He sounds terrible and no one should have to live with something like that. I wish you all of the best.

[jhor]

I really admire you. I'm your age and would NOT be able to have the strength to go what you're going through.

I'm so happy for you and your mom getting away from your dad. I know a lot of young girls have to go through this alone, so it's great that moms there by your side. You're way to young to live alone and deal with all that responsibility on your own.

Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? I think you'll be a great mommy! Oh and here's something I came across a while ago, it's a list of the youngest mommys. Here ya'r, just thought maybe you'd find it kinda interesting (:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of..._birth_mothers

Good Luck! Best wishes! i know you can do this!

[snoogums]

could it affect your baby If you are really stressed and depressed? because Thats what I am today and I have been sick all morning so I am a little worried and wonder if I should call my doctor or something....

[iHEAVENn]

Yes stress can affect a fetus.
If you're worried about it contact your doctor and schedule a check up.

[Harmony♥]

Being stressed is normal during pregnancy. As is being sick. It's most likely just morning sickness. But, if your truly concerned, your best bet is to call your doctor. Remember, we're just helpers here. I hope everything is ok!

[snoogums]

i am not stressed about being pregnant at least not much and i haven't had any sickness until today and i think its because im really upset my best friend died last night

[iHEAVENn]

Sorry to hear about your friend. I think you should speak with your doctor. You're very young, and your hormones will only spike through out the pregnancy.. I think it would be in your best interest to get help with your emotions on your friend's death now then to try and deal with it alone.

[--.redpanda.--]

Stress is very normal during any part of life, even pregnancy. It can have an effect on the fetus, especially during the critical periods of development. I would consult your doctor just to make sure that all is fine.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.