Wanting to get pregnant...but...

[charmbraceletxo]

The circumstances [financially, etc., etc.] are such that I cannot and will not allow myself to become pregnant any time soon...however, for whatever reason, I fantasize about having my boyfriend's baby ALL the time...so much in fact that it consumes my thoughts prior to falling asleep each night. We've had a couple pregnancy scares--which were just that: scares...yet, as sick, twisted, and seemingly deceitful as this sounds, a small part of me was disappointed upon discovering that I wasn't pregnant. If I weren't together with my boyfriend, I must say, I wouldn't covet a pregnancy nearly as much as I do now...I, most likely, wouldn't even think twice about it...but because I'm so deeply in love with my boyfriend, I can't help but to dream about and desire creating a baby with him. We're both far too young to even consider the idea, seeing as how we have aspirations of acquiring financial success, etc., etc. [however, we do discuss our future together--so I'm sure I'll eventually be the mother of his children], but for the time being, this is rather mind boggling. Whenever we have sex, he never cums inside of me [obviously as means of contraception], but I'm always tempted to wipe his cum off of my belly and insert it inside of me. I would NEVER do that, seeing as how that's pretty cruel and manipulative...but nevertheless, the thought has crossed my mind. Whenever my boyfriend talks about our future children, living arrangements, etc., I'm so elated [obviously].

Is there something wrong with me? Or is this fairly commonplace amongst young women?

[VanishingActs]

Hey there,

I have heard about this before, one of my close friends went through a similar feeling as you are experiencing. It's normal to sometimes think about the future and when you are so emotionally attached to each other thoughts of pregnancy can occur.

The thing to remember though is that could you sufficiently bring up a child? As you said, your financial situations are not great and you are both really young. Would it be fair to bring a child into the world under such circumstances? Having a child is a massive deal and you would have to make a load of sacrifices. You would most likely have to kiss your social life goodbye and as you are so young you should be seeing the world and having fun right now.

I think if you guys are serious about each other and truly in love you will last time and then when things are right for you both and it is a good time in the future then you may be able to talk seriously about having a child.

Also, do use contraception. You said he never cums inside you so I am presuming you are using the withdrawal method? This is not effective at all. Pre-cum can get you pregnant. Always use condoms or go and speak to your doctor about additional contraception (e.g. the Pill).

I hope things work out for you.

Take care,
Vicki

[Claire]

Hi there. I know how you feel, I wanted a baby so badly for years. I got pregnant by accident and decided to keep it, due partly to that fact that I had always longed for a baby. I just wish now I had thought properly about it, because I never knew what it really meant. Its lovely, don't get me wrong, but I can never convey to you how much work, hassle and WORRY it is. You never stop worrying I'm glad I kept him, but I wish I hadn't wanted one for so long without really knowing what it would involve.

Seriously though, I'm glad you realise what is involved when you say you cannot possibly have one yet. Is there anyone you know with babies or young children? You could always offer to babysit, I'm sure it would be welcomed by them and it would mean you get to spend time around children who you obviously love, with the added bonus of being able to hand them back when they cry/poo/throw up etc! You could also try volunteering in a playgroup or school, they always look for helpers.

As Vicki said, if you and your boyfriend love each other that much then there is no need to rush as it will happen one day and you should enjoy these moments of freedom together because you'll never get these back. If you ever have a question or just want to chat, pm me and I'll listen x x

[charmbraceletxo]

Thanks for the input, guys. I realize that what you're both saying is true...and I'm not silly enough to even honestly CONSIDER it at this point. When I've had my scares, my boyfriend and I have always defaulted to abortion...this may sound terrible, but considering each of our backgrounds, we'd both be ousted from our families and never be welcomed again. His parents are already convinced that we're having sex non-stop and are on the verge of conceiving a child--haha, funny how parents know certain things ;D Nonetheless, we keep this knowledge to ourselves and don't let our families know anything for obvious reasons. STILL guys...I feel silly for thinking about it so much...but I guess I'm not the only one, right?

[BrittneyNicole]

Hey there!
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I would love to have a baby with my girlfriend but I know that financially we are not ready. So, I know how you feel. I try to remind myself that it will happen when the timing is right. Try not to dwell too much in the future, and live in the present. My girlfriend tells me that, and it helps.

[St.Vincent]

Just wait a few years. That's how I deal with it. I wait knowing that I'll have more money and more education and more maturity-- we're still developing too! And we won't stop till we're 25 or something-- so we'll be better off and more able to help our kids in the future.

Also, the withdrawl method alone is not safe. I don't care if one of you has low fertility.. it's recklessness that can be easily avoided. Please use a condom, ok? Or go on Birth Control pills if you haven't.

[charmbraceletxo]

Thanks again, guys. I was on the pill just recently for about a month or so [due to my irregular periods], however, I wasn't taking them properly and I completely threw off my hormonal balance and menstrual cycle...thus, I'm still dealing with the repercussions [sighhh]. However, my boyfriend and I have been using the withdrawal method for about a year now...we initially used condoms, but didn't particularly enjoy the "feel", so we figured that pulling out prior to ejaculation would be better...this sounds irresponsible, but at the time, the doctor told him that his sperm count was considerably low due to a hormonal imbalance [or something of that nature], so the likelihood of him getting me pregnant was relatively low even if he DID cum inside of me. Now, he takes testosterone injections, so we're a bit worried, as his cum is thicker, whiter, and definitely more plentiful...whereas before it was more clear-ish and there was definitely less of it.

I'm planning on going on the pill soon enough...once my mom gets me an appointment with the doctor. Although I'm a legal adult, I'd still rather not tell the doctor that I'm sexually active...this would be a) uncomfortable for me, and b) it would upset my boyfriend, as his parents are doctors and he's terrified of them finding out that we're having sex [even though I'm sure they're already aware of the fact, as they make mention of it quite frequently to my boyfriend].

I just don't know what to do...and on top of that, my periods are out of control...it just ended not more than a week and a half ago, and wha-la, it's back again. I can't even have a normal sex life with my boyfriend...he hates the sight of blood, and although we'll attempt having sex [that is, if my period is just ending and there's very minimal bleeding], it's still not enjoyable...as he gets frustrated trying to wipe it off of his penis afterwards DX [you know how sensitive they are after sex!] Sigh...I feel like I'm being punished for fornication or something...but I truly love my boyfriend and plan on marrying him someday...that's a lot more than what so many kids my age can say...

Anywho, sorry for the rant. Jhjhsgbhsxvbfbvhsjbvks.
Although, I do have to ask...is my boyfriend's thicker, whiter cum indicative of an increased sperm count? We were having sex a few days ago, and afterwards, he seemed a bit worried and suggested that we get me on the pill again...

[St.Vincent]

It may and it may not. It sounds like it probably is because he's getting hormonal injections and now has more testosterone to throw around (punny??)

Use a condom until you get on the pill. Or a Lea's shield, or a female condom, or spermicide jelly. Seriously, you're playing with fire. Have him use a condom. I've heard the "feel" is not worth the baby and all the hassles and problems that come with that. Please, please, please use a condom or something until you get on BC because if there is more of a chance that you'll get pregnant now and we just went through great lengths to affirm that you're not ready yet.

I would definitely bug your mom about trying a different birth control, but in the meantime, use a condom. Also, you need to tell your doctor that you're sexually active, and also visit a gynecologist for regular tests, even if you have one partner only. It's part of the responsibilities that come with leading a healthy sex life!!

Sorry if I'm like, hassling you, but I think these are things you need to do right now and I believe that very, very strongly. PM me if you want additional support about convincing your boyfriend, ok? I'm here.

[charmbraceletxo]

No, no...I understand that you're simply telling me this for my own good. My mom doesn't know that I'm sexually active, and the urgency for getting on the pill [she believes] is due to the fact that my irregular periods are driving me insane [which is completely true...they're making me ridiculously irritable, bloated, etc., etc.]. I can't tell her that I'm having sex with my boyfriend because a) I don't want to lose her respect for both me and my boyfriend, b) my boyfriend is over ALL the time, and is on good terms with my family, and I'd rather not jeopardize that, and c) MY DAD [who's INSANE, by the way] CANNOT FIND OUT! It'll make my life a living hell....so, as said, I don't know what to do. I know that I'm coming off as highly irresponsible...but we're very careful about it, and having given him oral/manual sex multiple, multiple times, I've never once seen any signs of pre-cum. We were each others' first and only sexual partners [as well as bf/gf], so yeah....[that's totally irrelevant--forgive me, I'm utterly exhausted right now]. Even if we DID use condoms, he still wouldn't cum inside of me...he's very, very cautious...and besides, we've been doing this for about a year...the only reason as to why I'm fretting over it now is because of the injections increasing his sperm count.

[St.Vincent]

Hey, hey. I think the easiest short term solution is getting some form of contraception (like a condom). It won't be too hard to go to the drugstore and get something. And tell your boyfriend you need to do it for now because of his potential sperm increase. That's a legitimate concern, especially if he's cautious and careful, I'm sure he'll understand.

After that's resolved, you do need to figure out the issues with the gynecologist. Also, don't worry about the doctor telling. There's doctor confidentiality laws in place for this. Good luck!

[charmbraceletxo]

Okay, will do. I'll discuss this with him at length when the oppurtunity presents itself. Thanks again for everything

[Raptor]

Hey
You're not alone, I'm in the same place as you.
I'm in a steady long term relationship with my boyfriend, and we've discussed our future on numerous occasions.
I'd love to have his children, I think about it a lot, but I know it's not practical or fair to go ahead with it just yet. We're not yet financially secure and we're still young and working full time.
I know it sucks but you've really just got to wait. Don't worry about it being on your mind a lot, that's fine.
It seems you're very clued up and being sensible about the whole thing, and it's good that you can talk to your boyfriend about it all.
When the time comes for you to be a mother, I'm sure it'll be even better as you've waited for the right time, and you'll be fully prepaired and ready.
Raptor!

[J&M's Mommy]

In response to your original post: It is rather normal to have these urges. So, yes, you are thinking and feeling normal. Its great that you realize that you aren't ready - that shows that you are responsible.

I suggest though that you and your bf start using some form of protection or you may just have this baby that you aren't ready for.

[*Rainbow*Rider*]

Hey
Its fairly normal, some women see having a child with somebody as moving their relationship further, and it shows you really love your boyfriend.
Also, as a woman I'm guessing between 14-21 (?) its normal for you to be broody, as in the natural sceme of things this is the kind of age you would be having children.
It seems you're fairly clear about this though and and as long as you don't do something stupid you will be fine. The time will come for you to have a child