How to care for depressed toddler when I cant even get up in the morning

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]I'm a stepmom to a 2 year old and 4 year old, and I love my family. They're all I've ever wanted. However their biomom is the worst person I've ever met, has openly admitted to not wanting them, tells them all the time how she doesnt care, has told them she'll leave forever just to watch them cry. Dealing with her is another problem that I have to contend with but that takes lawyers, and money I dont have right now, especially considering were near homelessness.
A couple monthes ago we moved into the same building and took her lease so wed have somewhere safe and familiar for the kids to be until we could move somewhere better. I've been watching them ever since their childcare became too expensive, and their biomom has not shown up once in those 3 monthes to come see them, has stopped buying food and diapers, neglects them entirely until the weekend. And even on the weekends we cant trust that they're safe; shes been caught multiple times too drunk/ high and they've shown up with complete strangers.
Our 4 year old has been taking it really rough lately, is up all hours of the night, begging mommy to come back. Not wanting to get out of bed. We plan on getting him a psychiatrist as soon as we can but again, we have to wait until were out of here. All this has completely wrecked my mental state, I dont know how to convince a toddler to get up in the morning when even I cant. I cant function as a caretaker anymore, we just watch movies all day and they're bored and not getting the stimulation they need but I'm not strong enough to do anything else. My spouse is working his ass off to get us out of here but how am I supposed to help my kids in the meantime? How do I help myself?[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

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Hey,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through all this. I can imagine that this is rough on the kids as well as you as a caregiver.

You're right that you have to take care of yourself in all of this too. It's great that your husband is working as hard as he can, but being a caregiver to two young children is tough too, especially when one of them is going through a tough time. Try and set a routine for yourself so you can get out of bed. Maybe set an alarm for a certain time of the day and do something for yourself before the kids wake up if possible, even if it's just siting down somewhere cozy and getting a cup of tea in before the kids need you. When you get a chance, take warm baths or showers with your favorite smelling products. Practice something like progressive muscle relaxation before bed to get you into a relaxed state, or find ways to practice mindfulness throughout the day, even if it's just taking a few moments to just refocus and breathe. Even your kids may benefit from a "spa day" where they get a nice bath in with some nice music that they enjoy.

Does your husband know what is going on? I know he is working a lot but he may have ideas on how to support you and the children. He may be able to offer suggestions or even just be a shoulder to cry on when you need it. When you get the money it may help if you get a therapist along with your child, if possible. You deserve someone unbiased who can talk you through all of this.

Also find outlets for what you are going through, such as writing. You can write a journal of how you're feeling, or even just write things like poetry, stores, or encouraging quotes. It can help to just get things out of your system onto paper.

Maybe for a change of scenery on days when the weather is nice you can take them for a walk around your neighborhood or to the park. It would be a nice change of scenery for all three of you. Exercise is an important way to deal with depression and stress, so it may help. You can even start with a short, 5-10 minute walk and build up from there.

It might help to find a creative outlet as well. For the four year old, he may be able to do something like fingerpaint or color with those bigger crayons that are easier for toddlers to hold. I'm not sure if the two year old is able to fingerpaint or color since they are so young, but maybe find a sensory activity that they can do instead. You can probably use stuff you already have around the house to give your two year old some sensory or tactile experiences. You can paint or color in a coloring book along with the four year old, which would be a fun activity to do with him. It would give both of you a way to express what's going on and just get things out.

Do you think you'd be able to read to them? Thankfully, books for children that age don't have a lot of words and are more pictures, so maybe it would be easier for you to read to them since it's not some huge chapter book.

Start slow. Try to incorporate one new thing into the daily routine for you and your kids to start out with, and then maybe add another thing, and so on until you have a variety of activities. The hard part sometimes is getting started doing the activities and sticking with them when you are feeling depressed. That's why having it as a routine may help, because eventually it becomes second nature.

I think you're doing the best you can too. This doesn't make you a bad mother, remember that. You're just in a tough place right now, but it won't be forever!

[Rika]

Yes, you do have to take care of yourself. I also feel like the child also needs taken care of and needs some kind of mental health help. As said above, even a creative outlet for this child could work wonders. I know when I was young I played outside a lot and even played with my toys. Maybe reading a book to them could help, even maybe playing with them too. I understand this is a hard time for you and wish you the best!