I Can't Believe This, I'm Pregnant

[BlueWolf]

Wow, I'm 22 years old and a junior in college. My period was over a week late so I got worried and took a test. The test came out positive. My period is never late so I was pretty sure something is wrong, but I really didn't think this would be the reason why. I was just ruling it out. So much for that. I have no idea what to do. I'll take another one to be sure it isn't false, but something tells me it's not. The line is very faint, but that second line is definitely there. What do I do now? I have no idea. I'm not ready, I'm not. I want to finish school first. I would never give a baby up for adoption so that's not an option for me. The next step now is what the hell do I do next? Any advice and/or support would be very much appreciated.

And just to add in, the father is still around. I know that happens a lot where they aren't. He says he will support any decision I make no matter what. So I am thankful to have him to help me to the best of his ability. But by no means are either of us ready to take this on. At all.

[Mahray]

Oh wow, that's a big deal Jessica!

Those tests are pretty accurate, and if you haven't had your period then that's another good sign. However, a blood test is generally required to get a definite answer.

So, you're not giving up for adoption. I'm assuming that abortion is also not on your list of options. So let's go with you're keeping the baby.

Father sticking around is awesome!! What you need to think about is how much you want him around in raising the child. Is this going to be a team effort, or is he just going to be in the background and helping financially or where he can?

You're in college, so I'm guessing that your income isn't much at the moment. Are there family members or friends that can support you? Your parents willing to help in the raising and babysitting while you're studying? Accommodation suitable?

So I guess I've raised more questions than actual help, but there's a lot to think about in your situation. I'm sure that you have plenty of people here ready to support you

[BlueWolf]

No, I am pro choice so it is an option for me, but I am not sure how I feel about it or that I want to go that route unless I decide it is best. The father and I would be teaming together. If we keep the baby he would want to be a part. That is just the way he is. I dont know how much he could help though. He is working full time not making much and doesnt live that close yet. My parents would not help. They live far away too. Im far away at a university and I dont know any friends here. My best friend would help but she lives far away so it would be difficult. I am a full time student so I do not have time to work.

To confirm it I guess I make a doctor appointment to get the blood test done? I am really clueless.

[hopefuldreamer]

You need to schedule your first appointment. They will do a test to confirm the result there, though home pregnancy tests are pretty accurate. I am also a junior in college and expecting, though I am married. Your doctor will be able to tell you what resources are available to you. I know I can get pregnancy medicaid and WIC here in Virginia. I think you should get through your first appointment though, the doctor will be able to tell you if everything is healthy with the pregnancy. You can message me if you have any questions about what to expect at the doctor or need support or advice through any of this.

[stateofserenity]

Woah Jessica! You definently need to see a doctor asap. Also, abortion is a huge step to think about because in your situation it might be the best option.

[Lelola]

First step is to consider taking prenatal vitamins. You can pick them up in any store.

One thing to take a look at is finances. Would you be able to afford childcare? What about all the costs associated with the baby? Can you afford to buy the clothes? Do you have a support system? Who will watch the child when you are in class?

It really needs to be your choice. You know your decision best.

[BlueWolf]

Thanks everyone. Im going to make a doctor appointment at the university to confirm it first. The father is wanting to keep it. He works full time although does t make much. I could get medicaid for medical expenses. It would mostly only be the two of us taking care of it. Im not sure how the rest of my family will react but probably not well. The main problem here is finances and a babysitter because ill be at school and my boyfrie d works 40 hours a week plus takes classes part time. So I know im not ready. We arent in the worst position but with school going on it is very complicated. We were planning on moving in together in the summer already once my lease is up where im staying now. It is just a lot to tjink about and this is such bad timing. I know the decision is mine and im just glad my boyfriend is going to be supportive no matter what I decide. I at least want to consider the options before ultimately deciding.

[Lizzie]

I agree with confirming the pregnancy with the doctors and checking the viability first. The doctor can talk to you about all of your choices if you are indeed pregnant with a viable baby. It’s very rare to get a false positive pregnancy test, but it can happen, so it’s always best to get it confirmed with a doctor.

[Lelola]

Depending on how far out the appointment is, I would start considering options now. I wouldn't run and tell everyone that you're pregnant till about the 12th week because that's usually when the highest risk of miscarriage ends.

Also, some universities do have daycare options for parents who do not have much money.

Do you live in a dorm? If so, does your university offer a family option? If not, how much is housing?

I personally would look at the situation as if you would get minimal assistance from the father. That way if there is a major fight and you end up breaking up with him, you will not find yourself suddenly without income.

[bitesize]

Hey love, I'm sorry to hear you're going through a bit of trouble with this! First things first, just take a deep breath, and remember that no one can pressure you into making any decision that's not right for you and you only. Ok??

I agree with the others in that the first good thing to do would be to see a doctor - whatever decision you end up making, this would just be a good thing to do to make sure everything's ok and also just to confirm that you are actually pregnant. You can always ask your doctor to refer you on to a counsellor or a professional who would be used to dealing with unplanned pregnancies? These trained counsellors won't try to influence your decision in any particular way, they're just there to give you a bit of reassurance, to remind you that it's not the end of the world, and to help you figure out what choice suits you best.

It's great that your boyfriend is able to be there for you, I hope the two of you are coping with this ok. It must seem like a big shock but it's nothing you can't cope with. Best of luck.xx

[BlueWolf]

I made a doctor appointment at the universities' health center for Friday morning. My boyfriend was way ahead of me and looked at what the university has to offer. It does have low rate daycare services and it has family housing (I am at a major university in the US so it has everything any university would have).

Im not telling anyone other than my boyfriend and best friend, although I'm considering saying something to my aunt as well so I will have advice from someone much older and a family member, even if it turns into me just venting my stress.

I still just don't think I can handle a baby and go to school. Plus financially, we could make it work, but it will be a struggle. I don't think it should be. I need to worry about school, not this. I only have three semesters left! Sadly I'm pretty damn sure I am pregnant after a positive test and my period is a week and a half late when I'm never more than a day off.

Hi, Jessica. I'm glad you made an appointment with the university hospital to confirm your pregnancy, and your boyfriend is stepping up which is definitely saying something. I know you are worrying about not being able to complete school, but you still have some time before that becomes an issue. Why couldn't you finish up the year, go through May. That will be two semesters, right? Then you can return for your final in a few years or after a few months.

Definitely use the resources at your university, especially if it's a major one. If they have a hospital and a daycare, take advantage of them! Ask around for help because chances are, at least two have gone through the same thing as you. They got pregnant in their third year of college and thought "shit! what am I going to do?!" and they're doing internships or are actually employed at the hospital/daycare now!

But first, let's get through Friday. Please let us know what the doctor says.

[escape_thereal_world]

Hey, I know you said adoption isn't really your preference. However, I want you to be sure you know ALL your options. There is the possibility of an open adoption. I know when I first found out I was pregnant, I knew we couldn't care for the baby financially. I was considering adoption, but I was fairly certain I would never be able to move on with my life knowing MY child was out there somewhere.

Open adopt is not as popular for adoptive parents, but there are definitely those who are open to it. This basically means, depending on the adoptive parents, that you can at least get updates and possibly pictures of the child. Other times, they may even be all right with visits between you and the child. Etc.

So, definitely think through all your options before you make a decision. And if you need anyone, feel free to PM me.