Triggering (Suicide): Suicidal, Anorexic, and Pregnant with Twins

[Emmaleigh753]

Someone please shoot me.... I dont know whats going on with me, my life is spiraling out of control... im so close to giving in.... ive been acting like things are peachy and smooth, but really im sinking deeper and deeper into this dark depressing hole.... why is this happening to me!? why!? i just want to have a normal life! im such a terrible person, "dancing with my devils past"(quoted by one of my best friends ) im almost 5 months pregnant and my belly and my boys are continuing to grow, the bigger i get the more depressed i become... ive been battling anorexia for as long as i can remember and becoming pregnant just made me worse... im a 3 time suicide survivor and my attempts still are continuous... I really do care about Gabriel and Joseph.... I love them so much even though they are not here yet... I dont want to cause them pain... but im hurting so much.... ive been spitting my anti-depressants out after i "take" them, because it was making me feel bad... now im worse... taking that blade to my skin once again... blood spills as i clutch my stomach and cry... im such a horrible mother... a horrible friend... and a disgraceful daughter... no wonder my family wants nothing to do with me.... the only one who took me in was my aunt... shes bipolar which makes my days a living hell because she refuses to take medication. somedays shes happy, kissing my forehead and patting my belly as she leaves for work, but other days shes drunk and screaming in my face telling me i have no life and hopes my babies die as she beats the sh*t out of me as i cry trying to shield my belly as much as possible... im so alone... she shuts the phones off before she leaves so i dont try and call anyone.... im just feeling like giving up... taking a load of pills and ending it all.... if it werent for the pregnancy i probably would have already done it... im so weak... im underweight, i havent slept in what feels like weeks, my back and stomach kills and ive been throwing up non-stop....i have no one to talk to and my life feels like its slowly coming to a hault... but then i feel my stomach and smile through the dreadful tears... knowing at least i have my babies to love me... but im still aching inside... fighting silent screams... is this ever going to end?....

Step one: talk to a professional. A psychologist, A counselor, A doctor, A family friend, the neighbor next door, whoever you can. Your situation will not improve in your current environment, and it sounds like you need proper authorities to help pull yourself out of it and into a better place.

I'm actually really surprised you are taking anti-depressants. Most psychiatric medications are unsafe to take during pregnancy. You need to consult a doctor before even taking tylenol if you are pregnant.

If you are taking psych meds and you know that you are having twins (meaning you received a sonogram or ultrasound) you have seen or are seeing a doctor. If you aren't, I suggest you find one. This includes going to your nearest emergency room. A hospital will not refuse you safety or care. Hospitals are also safe baby locations, making them particularly attentive to your plight. If it will take too long to see a doctor, then go to a hospital. If you are feeling suicidal you need help immediately.

No one on this website is going to be able to adequately address your problems. We cannot give you the will to live. The only way you are going to be able to properly maintain the safety of you and your children is to seek professional help.

[Agony]

I strongly agree with ^
Go to the doc or a therapist and tell them everything you just told us. They can do loads more help then we can, especially since they can stop you before it happens.

Lots of love
-ash

[lauri]

Yeah I agree you should not be taking a antidepressant when pregnant you can really mess up your babys that way. You sound like you need immediate help I would suggest going to the hospital to get healthy and away from your aunt who is causing you and your babys harm.

You have a HUGE REASON TO LIVE its those two little lives in you LIVE FOR THEM THEY NEED THERE MOTHER.

[Siren❤]

You should really talk to someone you can trust and you know will probably help you; a professional is probably your best bet on the second part. Just be honest, let them know how you feel. They will get you the appropriate help. Also talk to a doctor about your medication combined with being pregnant... they may not go well together and also it isn't good for your twins, most likely. Good luck.

[Always *]

If you are a minor (as in under 18) you should contact social services and ask them if you can be placed in foster care or something for the duration of your pregnancy or something, or perhaps discuss options with your doctor because there is no doubt SOMEWHERE safer for you to be than with an unstable aunt.

And you should definitely talk to your doctor about getting a referral to a therapist, it sounds like you are in desperate need of this, like the posters above me said, you probably shouldn't be taking anti-depressants while pregnant so yeah.

Doctor, therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist, and social services. That's my recommendation