17, pregnant & boyfriend problems HELP!

[Shatelle.]

I recently found out I was pregnant. 7 weeks 5 day's. My parents s know.
My boyfriend and his parents know. And they all want me to Get it aborted. My parents
said they will support me no matter what I chose tho.
At first I was fine with it. Bit after hearing and seeing its heartbeat, I no longer
want to kill my baby. I never felt comfortable really about Abortion in the first
Place and now I really don't. I'm afraid ill regret it. To top everything off,
My boyfriend is now making me chose between, him and the baby, he said
That if I get it aborted he will stay and be there for me. But if I keep it, he's out.
I really don't know what to do. I love the kid and don't want to lose him but I don't want
To lose the baby either. So confused

[Yours Truly]

If your guy is making you choose between him and the baby, is that really a kind of guy that you want to stay around? Is he really worth it?

It's totally your decision if you want an abortion or not. It kind of sounds like you don't though.. Don't let the boyfriend threatening to leave affect your decision..

I"m really sorry you have to go be in this position. But you are, and you need to make the decision that is right for you (and your baby, if you choose to keep him/her) .. not anyone else.

If you want to talk about this more, feel free to message me. I'm here if you need someone to listen. (:

[Music]

I have to agree with Ashley, do you want to be with a with a person longterm when they try to make you choose between a relationship with them and the life of your child (which I believe is your choice in the end anyways).
It sounds like he's trying to manipulate you to get his way, because he doesn't want to be responcible for the life of another person. He's scared, and it's understandable that he would be, but I think he's going about it in the wrong way.
He doesn't sound like the type of person with whom a relationship with is worth more than what you want, and it doesn't sound like you want an abortion.

Short answer, do what you think is right and don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise.

[havehopeyourbeautiful]

look i agree with what everyone else is saying but it is your desion and life ( mabey your babies if you keep him/her) you could always get another boyfriend but do what you think is right we are all here for you x <3 pm or vm me if you want i am always here and i will listen

[dani99]

If he really loved you, he would not force you to kill your baby! You are the mother, YOU make the choice. Not him. Someone who won't support you isn't someone worth picking over your child. Over all and at the end of the day, it's your choice. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. Don't let someone else force you into something you don't want to do.

[xo.kissababy]

hi there i was 17 when i was prego now im 18 with a beautiful 9 month old baby girl im very sorry about your boyfriend making your choose first of all if you keep your baby can u afford it do you have tons of support from your family? are you still going to school is there dare care at school for your baby if not maybe you have more time to think i have tons of support i was thinking abortion before i had my daughter but then my family ,boyfriend an everyone wanted me to keep her its alot of work but worth it ! hopefully ur boyfriend will wake up it takes two to make a baby goood luck

[Harmony♥]

I completely agree with everyone. If he's making you choose, is that really the kind o guy you'd want help in raising your child. If your parents are going to help you, and support you know matter what you chose, who needs the guy you're with. You certainly don't. My mom was a proud single mother my whole life, and I was much better off with who I call the sperm donor.

Really honey, the decision is yours. Nobody can make you choose what you should do with your body. It's yours, and not even your parents could truthfully force you to abort. But, abortion isn't your only option. You also have adoption. Maybe you could do some more research on adoption and see if that's something you'd like to do.

[Seana93]

Hi there, i was 15 when i got pregnant and my partner at the time put me through the same thing as u r going through. I choose to keep my baby and it is the best thing i ever did. Ive fetched him up for 4 years all by my self and managed to get a degree in childcare. There is nothing more satisfying that knowing u have dont it by yourself. You might be feeling at an all time low right now but believe me, it does get better. You say that your parents are going to support you, thats great. As for your boyfriend, who can make a girl choose between an unborn child and a boyfriend?? Only u know whatsbest for u in all of this, if u dont decide to keep the child then do it for yourself, not to keep your boyfriend! X

[J&M's Mommy]

I agree, if he is trying to make you choose then he definitely isn't worth your time! And he definitely is not ready to be a father!

As for decision making, you have to weigh your pros and cons and decide what is best for you and the baby. You always have to choice of adoption as well, and if you are not sure of your capabilities of being a parent then you should definitely consider it!

Wish you the best with yourself and your pregnancy.

[Shatelle.]

Is it wrong if I chose abortion? Would I bee a horrible person if I went through with it
I don't think I'm ready for a baby and I don't think ill be able to support it. I don't like.
Abortion but I have nothing as it is and I can't raiser it on my own. And I don't want to have to always rely on my parents. I also wanna do things before I have a kid but I just feel that I'm a horrible person if I go through with it. Not sure what to do anymore ??

[havehopeyourbeautiful]

look if you feel abortion is right do it ! loves you x

[dani99]

Do what you want to do. Do what you're more comfortable with. Don't forget, if you don't want to kill your baby but you don't think you're ready - adoption is always an option.

[Harmony♥]

Abortion won't make you a terrible person. What would is bringing a child into the world knowing you couldn't take care of him/her. However, you wouldn't have to "always" rely on your parents. They obviously said they'd support you, but that doesn't mean they'll help you for the rest of your life in terms of money. Of course, they'll want to spend time with their grandchild, and might babysit here and there. But, the child would still be your responsibility no matter who supported you. You'd still have to get a job.

But, don't think abortion is the only option for you. Adoption is there for you, and even adoption that gives you a chance to be in the child's life.

[ARootlessTree]

Listen, OP. I'm a guy, so my advice may not be as valued as the rest, but just hear me out.

You are seventeen. Like it or not, a very adult dilemma is being forced upon you, and no matter what you decide to do, people will condemn you. That's just the nature of this subject. Now, you have to decide upon a course of action. Are you ready to be a mother? Do you realize that your life will NEVER be the same after this? Everything you do- whether you finish high school, go to college, every job you look at, every guy you date, this baby will have an effect on. Are you ready to take that? CAN you bear that burden? I'm guessing you aren't financially stable enough on your own, so do your parents deserve to share that burden as well? Keep that in mind if you decide to keep this baby. You're being offered a second chance with the abortion, but that chance won't last the whole 9 months. You've got to make your mind up, and do it quick. And then you have to learn to live with it. Nothing any of us can type here will make that any easier. Good luck.

Also, your boyfriend is a big bag of shit.

[Coffee.]

I agree with Toz. No matter what choice you make, I think you should break up with the boyfriend. But do look at your options. If you have an abortion, you will not be a horrible person, you will not be a murderer. But if that's not what you want to do, you don't have to either. Do what you want to do, but I advise you do not choose with that boy in your life.

[The Goblins Blade]

I find it funny that everyone is attacking the BF, when he has the choice whether to be there or not.

[Janie]

You should not ever have to make the choice between these two people. You have to do what is best for you. I always worried about this sort of thing because for me I knew I could never abort or adopt as it would be with me for the rest of my life but at the same time there is so much else to think of. Try talking to his parents maybe, or get yours to talk to him or his parents?
My heart really goes out to you in such a difficult situation, however boys sometimes don't really feel connected to a baby until once it is born... maybe he would be different as time passed?
I really hope you end up doing what is best for you and always remember that you have to think of your health as well as the babies.

[Age of Ignorance]

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

I find it funny that everyone is attacking the BF, when he has the choice whether to be there or not.

This.

I don't blame people for hating on the guy, but seriously, what would you do if you had NO say in whether or not to keep a baby? I'd skip out too.

He made a fair ultimatum, which he will obviously lose, but at least he said he also wants a say in the matter.

[dani99]

I am attacking the BF because of his lack of respect for this poor girl's choice. It's not an easy decision when it comes to a baby that you aren't ready for. And now he's being difficult making her pick between him and her child. Seriously, I don't think someone could be anymore annoying and immature. It's her baby, so if she wants to keep him/her, then he should instantly buying "How to be a good dad for dummies"

[Age of Ignorance]

If she is the sole decider of whether or not she has the baby, he has the sole choice to leave - if we respect her for making her own decision, we also have to respect his. That is all I'm saying.

[ARootlessTree]

Originally Posted by The Goblins Blade

I find it funny that everyone is attacking the BF, when he has the choice whether to be there or not.

Of course he has a choice. Everyone's always got a choice, but he's choosing to be a coward here. He's just as responsible for her pregnancy as she is. I'm not sure if you know how it works, but it takes two to make a third.

Originally Posted by Composure

This.

I don't blame people for hating on the guy, but seriously, what would you do if you had NO say in whether or not to keep a baby? I'd skip out too.

He made a fair ultimatum, which he will obviously lose, but at least he said he also wants a say in the matter.

I've been there before. I told her the same thing I'd tell OP's boyfriend- that it's his duty to see this through whichever way she is comfortable. You're just as much a coward as he is if you think skipping out is the answer.

[SM13]

I know it's your choice but it seems awefullh unfair to kill an innocent baby. He or she deserves to live (in my opinion). Abortion is something that can be very traumatic for the mother. If you aren't ready for a baby then adoption is an option. There are couples out there who cannot conceive that could give your baby a happy home.

[SM13]

Oh and I agree with Toz. He is as much responsible for the baby as you are and should not be wimping out. do you really want to be with somebody who wants to kill his own baby?

[Fictional]

I think we all need to stop talking about "killing the baby" here. It's a very emotionally charged phrase and I don't think it's going to help the OP to be using that sort of language.

Honey, you need to know that if you have an abortion, that does not make you a bad person. The same goes for if you have the child adopted, and if you keep the child and it raise it yourself. Don't let other people pressure you into making a decision; it needs to be something that you are are comfortable with because it is you who is the pregnant one.

If you're considering adoption or abortion, you might find these links useful - http://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/Fosteringan...hingAChild.pdf (a pamphlet explaining about adoption)
http://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/FOSTERINGAN...option.aspx#10 (answering some questions about adoption)
http://au.reachout.com/find/articles...n-of-pregnancy (information about abortion, what it is, how it's done, and some recomendations for further advice)

Just make sure that whatever you chose to do, it's your decision. We're all here to support you. Feel free to pm whenever

[Veni Vidi Vici]

I agree with Jessy,

Saying 'killing the baby' makes it seem like you're committing murder when you're not. Having an abortion is not exactly a bad idea. I know it can seem like a very bad thing to do but you're only 17, you may limit yourself to a lot of hate, and far less opportunities should you choose to have this baby. Also, I don't think you're as prepared as you think you are. Don't take it personally, it's just that no one's done growing up at 17 years old. You still have a lot of growing up to do, so you're also going to be burdening your parents with the baby. I know they told you they'd support you if you keep it but it still is quite a big burden to have.

As for your boyfriend, doesn't matter if you keep or abort the baby, you should still get rid of him. His mentality of ditching when he finds himself in an uncomfortable situation speaks a lot about him as a person. As much as you may love him, he IS NOT the person you should be dating.

It's all up to you however, and we'll support you regardless of which decision you take!

[The Goblins Blade]

Of course he has a choice. Everyone's always got a choice, but he's choosing to be a coward here. He's just as responsible for her pregnancy as she is. I'm not sure if you know how it works, but it takes two to make a third.

I know how it works, drop the patronising attitude.

[Age of Ignorance]

Originally Posted by Toz

I've been there before. I told her the same thing I'd tell OP's boyfriend- that it's his duty to see this through whichever way she is comfortable. You're just as much a coward as he is if you think skipping out is the answer.

I would not like to be in the situation where one half of the equation is the whole answer. I am not a zero, I am one. It may take two to make a third, but it shouldn't take one to decide if the third exists. It should be a mutual decision.

That being said, I am completely sympathetic with the OP's situation. I feel for the hard choice she has to make, and I hope she decides what is best for her and the father.

[Harmony♥]

Alright guys, let's keep things civil here. The point of this thread was the OP asking advice on what she should do. We are not here to judge her for her decisions, and what she wants to do with HER body. If the hostility continues, the thread will be shut down.

[BriaLane96]

Hey Shatelle (:

Look...I'm 16 & have a 3 month old baby...so I know EXACTLY how your feeling. But girl...this is YOUR CHOICE! Do not let your boyfriend pressure you. If you want to keep the baby....keep it...& let him leave. You can take him to court & make him pay child support whether he helps you in any other way or not. But this is HIS responsibility! So him saying that makes me pretty mad!

Bottom line...do what your heart tells you to do. Raising a child & aeing a teenager is extremely hard...but its also rewarding.

Good luck...Private Message me sometime & we'll talk

-Brianna