My boyfriend can't stay hard or ejaculate ..

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Hi everyone, this is a bit embarrassing for me to talk about but this isn't something I can discuss even with my boyfriend or my friends/family.

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months, coming up to 6 months. He's all I could ask for in a boyfriend; he's kind, funny, very loving and overall has treated me like royalty. The only issue is the sex. A little TMI here, but he's a very sexual person so it isn't like he's never in the mood..whenever we try to have actual sex, he doesn't ejaculate and sometimes can't stay hard long enough for it to actually happen, if that makes sense. He says to me that he doesn't know why he can't ejaculate, he says he gets close and then it just doesn't happen, and as for him not getting hard he says, again, that he doesn't know why and it's nothing to do with me.

Despite his reassurances, I can't shake the feeling that it's something to do with me - maybe I'm just not attractive enough for him or he'd rather it be someone else (he has a history of cheating on his previous partners which I discovered a few weeks ago so perhaps a little trust is gone), or maybe I'm doing it wrong.. I don't know, all I know is that I love him a lot and I just don't want to feel like this, it's really damaging my self-esteem to the point I contemplate whether it's worth even doing it.

Any help would be appreciated, thank you.[/size]

[Ennui.]

I'm sorry to hear that this is what you are going through! You don't have anything to be embarrassed about.

Is it possible that he is nervous or anxious about his performance, and that is why he isn't able to stay hard? For example, if it happened once and now he's afraid of it happening again, it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or, if he's stressed in general it could affect his ability to stay hard or ejaculate.

Perhaps it would help to spice things up in bed, with other positions or foreplay? Foreplay helps people get in the mood and stay in the mood, and new positions may spice things up a bit more and get both of you excited.

I know you said you can't discuss this with your boyfriend. Is it because you feel unsafe doing so, or because you're nervous? I know it's a tough discussion, but consider sitting down with him and letting him know that you're worried that you are doing something wrong. Ask him if the two of you can work together to try and fix what's going on.

Also know that there's no pressure with sex. Even if you don't orgasm, the intimacy and experience are what is important!

[Astro04]

Hello,
That's a true problem, but I found some tips on internet to "solve ìt":
https://khealth.com/learn/erectile-d...r/#:~:text=How can you maintain an,in improving your sexual responsiveness.

It's not a recent article, but can help you understand. Hope it helps.

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Originally Posted by Wheek!

I'm sorry to hear that this is what you are going through! You don't have anything to be embarrassed about.

Is it possible that he is nervous or anxious about his performance, and that is why he isn't able to stay hard? For example, if it happened once and now he's afraid of it happening again, it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or, if he's stressed in general it could affect his ability to stay hard or ejaculate.

Perhaps it would help to spice things up in bed, with other positions or foreplay? Foreplay helps people get in the mood and stay in the mood, and new positions may spice things up a bit more and get both of you excited.

I know you said you can't discuss this with your boyfriend. Is it because you feel unsafe doing so, or because you're nervous? I know it's a tough discussion, but consider sitting down with him and letting him know that you're worried that you are doing something wrong. Ask him if the two of you can work together to try and fix what's going on.

Also know that there's no pressure with sex. Even if you don't orgasm, the intimacy and experience are what is important!

I’m replying to your message because this is my area of expertise.

Understand that it is embarrassing to you only because you believe it has something to do with you. It does not. I’ll explain momentarily.

If he fits all of your desirables of “What I want in a relationship!”, but there are WARNING SIGNS, do not summarily dismiss them. Pay very close attention to your gut instincts, women’s intuition, sixth sense, or whatever you want to call it. They are usually almost always right. Nonetheless, I am glad to know that he treats you like a queen.

If he is having difficulty ejaculating, and staying erect during a period of sexual arousal, don’t ignore it. This isn’t any reflection on you, but it certainly is on him. The problem you mention is commonly referred to as DE (Delayed Ejaculation), and is more commonly attributed to PIED (Pornography Induced Erectile Dysfunction). If you are so inclined, you may look up both of these terms. I would be happy to provide you with documentation to support it. The bottom line? It’s more likely than not that your boyfriend is very actively engaged in p0rn0gr@phy, m@5t3rB@TioN, and 0rg@5m. It very quickly and easily becomes an addiction.

That’s why he can’t get and maintain an erection. You should also understand that if you question him about it, he will most likely deny it. Just as you are embarrassed about it, he too is likely filled with tremendous embarrassment, guilt, and shame over it. Being dishonest about it is actually worse than the act itself, but that’s another subject altogether.

He will continue to reassure you that it has nothing to do with you because deep down inside of him, he knows that it has everything to do with him. Not a single male at his age, barring a bona fide medical condition, which I might add is extremely rare for his age, experiences these symptoms. I consult way too many women (girls) and men (boys) on this very subject to know that this is most likely what you are dealing with. It’s not about you. It never was.

I don’t know what you look like, but I can tell you this. You are attractive enough. He wants to be with you. But let the past history of “cheating” serve as another WARNING SIGN, that things may just not be on the up and up with this young man.

I highly doubt you’re doing it wrong. The dumbest people in the world have s3x all the time.

Please do not allow your emotionally compromised state “I love him a lot” to override and veto your logical state that’s telling you something is very wrong, and displaying red flags right in front of you. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this, but if I can save you from a lifetime of aggravation and heartache, I’d rather you be broken today so that you can heal and soar tomorrow. You deserve better. Never ever let anyone compromise and damage your self-esteem, and more appropriately, your self-worth.

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to ask.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[roshnikhanna]

Ask him if you both can work together to try to fix what's going on.

[Nickfury23]

Thank you, it is very useful.

[Rika]

Hello

Thanks for reaching out on TeenHelp!

I know that if a male is stressed out, nervous, anxious, etc that it could impact this and why he cannot stay erect and ejaculate. I too would perhaps consider spicing it up or doing foreplay. This would help get you and him both in the mood and staying in the mood to have intercourse.

I see that you're not going to disclose it to your boyfriend. Is there any reason behind this? Do you fear what he will say or do? Are you feeling like you are nervous? This is a very rough discussion to have I understand. I would consider sitting down with him and discussing this with him. I'd state you feel worried about this, and wonder if you are perhaps doing something wrong. Ask if you both can work something out to remedy this.

I feel it's important to consider talking with him and figuring out the best thing you and him can do. If after all of this he still cannot keep hard and ejaculate I'd perhaps suggest he visit his doctor. As embarrassing as it is to say I always see signs in my urologist office about erectile dysfunction.