Non-PG13: Confusion, Masturbation, Climax

[Uhmsir]

This might all be TMI, but I really am just looking for some advice around masturbating and this seems like a safe place to come to.

I'm 20 years old and have never had any sexual partners. I also don't know if I've ever orgasmed. I had one boyfriend in high school who made me averse to sex (he forced me to send nudes, videos, etc. without giving anything in return, emotionally or sexually, which made me feel ashamed and bad about sex for a while) Since breaking up with him, I haven't dated or done anything sexual with anyone, but I am now more interested in potentially dating! This decision doesn't line up very well with COVID though, lol.

Since I can't really date right now, I have been trying to explore my body a bit more to see what I like. It's been a weird and confusing time.

I have owned a bullet vibrator for a year and have used it a few times. It's small and I like my ability to control its movements, but I have never reached climax with it. I just bought a clit vibrator/suction toy that I used tonight, which is why I'm now writing this post.

With both toys (especially the new one), before I start masturbating, my clit doesn't feel super sensitive at all, but once I have been masturbating for a few minutes it becomes super sensitive, almost to the point where it feels painful/torturous and I have to stop what I'm doing. I'm not sure if this is normal? It's a somewhat pleasant feeling, but it's also simultaneously unbearable and really unpleasant if that makes sense. I've tried changing the movement and applying more lube which doesn't help much. I've tried turning down the vibration on my toy or removing it for a little bit and that seems to make the feeling go away almost altogether and it's back to square one.

I've never been penetrated, so I'm not sure if that kind of stimulation would be more fulfilling for me. I'm just kind of confused. I want to reach climax but I'm not sure about what that looks like for me. When I get to the painfully torturous buzzy feeling, it feels like what an orgasm is supposed to feel like except with no release. It's so unbearable when it happens, but I'm wondering if I would be able to reach orgasm if I continued. It just feels like too much for me, it's super weird and I'm not sure if that's what sex/masturbation should feel like. Does anyone have any experience feeling this way or have any tips on how to reach orgasm/make sensations less overstimulating and more pleasurable?

Thanks!

Hey there. Sorry you haven't gotten a reply yet.

We're not actually allowed to give specific tips about masturbation and other sexual acts, per the TOU. Generically I can tell you that it can take some time to find out what makes you achieve climax. I think it's great to explore on your own so that, when the time comes, you can share with your future sexual partner(s).

Another suggestion I would make is to not make the goal to orgasm. I know that's easier said than done when you really want it to happen, but just play around and do what feels good. Maybe you'll come, maybe not, but the point is to enjoy touching your body. Taking away the pressure to orgasm may make you enjoy it more and may even lead to an orgasm.

Good luck. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions or concerns.