18 y/o virgin, didn't get erection before sex

[jsmith42000]

I am an 18 year old virgin, freshman in high school, and horny as ever. I mean, REALLY horny. I have yet to walk anywhere on campus without getting at least a quarter chub. Horny college kid, you get the idea.

So, I met this girl at a party not last friday, but the friday before, and we had been hanging out all week, and it is most likely that we will date in the coming weeks. Last Saturday, after we get back from going out to eat, we hang out in my room for a while. We start making out, one thing leads to another, and before I know it we’re both naked and she’s ready to have sex. But when it came time for my pants to come off, I was only 60% erect, and as we kept the foreplay going, I was slowly getting softer; she tried jerking me off for a bit, and I even rubbed my dick against her pussy to try and get myself hard, and it didn’t work (she has a nice ass body too). Luckily for me, she decided at the last minute that she didn’t want to go all the way, since we have only known each other for a week (She’s from SE Asia, where the culture is more conservative regarding sex, and she was reluctant to even kiss me only a week ago, I just made all the right moves to get to where I got).

I’m not worried as much about her noticing that I wasn’t completely hard, because she commented on the fact that I have a fairly large dick, and she really likes me and is still into me because I saw her again Sunday and spent some time with her.

This is really freaking me out, I have wanted to have sex so much in the last year and continually lost the opportunity, and was so sexually frustrated that I was ready to pull my hair out. And now that I was finally in the position, I didn’t get an erection. That was the last thing I ever thought would happen before I lost my virginity.

I did some research online, and I found that it was a common problem among some men, and that they refer to it as “stage fright.” I read that I just need to not think about it as much because then it will never happen, but I’ve always been one to overthink things, I overthink everything, and I am worried sick that it’s going to happen again. I’m completely scatterbrained right now, it’s all I’ve been thinking about today during my classes, and I can’t hardly focus on anything except her and what happened that night.

So my question is, what should I do from here? How can I get this out of my head and think positively? What are your personal experiences (If you have them) with getting “stage fright”? I need help, I’m a wreck.

[Gwynbleidd]

Well based on some of my older friends they recommend something like a lube and for you to figure out what will get yourself to full mast. They've also said that sometime for you to experiment with different stimulation till you find one that gets it. You just gotta really play around every guy is different as far as down there. So play around and experiment and you'll probably find something. Hope this helped. If you need any further help feel free to contact me. Good luck!

[dr2005]

What you describe is by no means unusual, and is what is known as performance anxiety - or indeed, "stage fright" as you refer to it above. While I can appreciate it is very frustrating in the circumstances you describe, it is quite a common occurrence with first time sex and is basically down to the fact that it is a new experience for your body to be in. As such, the "fight or flight" reflex kicks in and your body floods the bloodstream with adrenaline and other such "stress hormones" - with the consequence that your blood goes everywhere except where you want it to in case you need to run away, and you encounter the problem you describe. In order to reduce the problem, therefore, you need to try and relax as much as possible and not let the excitement of the situation or fears about the size of your penis or lasting long enough etc enter your mind - and as much as anything, accept the fact that things may not go entirely to plan. You may headbutt the wall, kick a lamp off a bedside table or even fall off the bed completely (I nearly did the last one first time around...) - what's important is not to worry about it and not let it distract you from the main event, as it were. You also need to make sure you're fully prepared for it, and that means taking all the necessary precautions (condoms and other birth control methods), making sure both of you are comfortable with the thought of going all the way, and also keeping things in perspective. Your first time is always going to be a pretty significant event, but make sure it's going ahead for the right reasons and with the right person. Once you've got that sorted, the rest will follow. And if all else fails and you have a repeat of the problem, there's always something to be said for using your initiative, as it were.

Hope some of that helps.