Erection Problem

[Xirokz]

Short: I cant keep it up long enough to have sex, i think its because of performance anxiety what should i do about it ?

LONG:
I have been having a problem staying erect enough to have intercourse. What do you guys think would be the best thing for me to do so I can finally get this virginity thing out of the way. I am 19 and she is one year younger, have been dating for over 3 months and I feel like this relationship is going to last. We are both virgins but have had some intimate experience with our previous partners. I feel very comfortable around her at all times, all except when we are both naked and this problem fucks things up again.
The problem: Me and my girlfriend have tried to have sex 3 times, but I have never been able to get it in because my erection is not hard enough or none existing.
I don't think I have a real physical Erectile Dysfunction because I can get very hard and sustain the erection during masturbation. I get an erection every time we are making out passionately and if she has to go after like 20minutes and I'm readjusting myself down there it seems rocksolid.
Unfortunately my girlfriend is almost always under time pressure and she will often just meet me for an hour or less and because i have gotten used to this I normally don't make any moves that would indicate that i want to advance to sex. All of those 3 times during which i failed to stay up, we had been making out for something like 30-45 if not more and then she would say something like, "I think I'm gonna stay until 10:30"(after having previously stated that she needed to be somewhere at 9:45) or she'll say something like "I think i can stay another half an hour". Once i get the message, that she wants to have sex I turn the making out into more energetic foreplay and we take our clothes off. Normally I will start by trying to please her first just because I don't want to just jump right in because I am thinking about her more than me. And once its time for actual penetration my penis just is not hard enough.
Since it was now the 3rd time this happened it was thinking about getting it up, which i heard was bad enough of a distraction from the act that it can cause you to go limp. Also I am constantly concerned with weather or not what i am doing is what she wants. I have pretty bad performance anxiety with anything that has to do with her, maybe just because I am madly in love and want to do everything right or maybe because I just want to be the perfect boyfriend, I'm not sure.
An additional complication is what she does in bed, nothing. We are both virgins but have had experience with other partners just nothing that actually lead to sex. When we are making out her favorite spot is just on my bed under covers and with her on the bottom, every time. She wants it but she does not do anything to she me that she does. The first time she spent the night I stopped before intercourse with both of us naked, I thought she was not moving because she was just really stoned or something and i was taking advantage of her. But almost nothing has changed a month and a half later, she still wants me on top and just lets me do everything. Not complaining but also not asking for anything. I'v talked to her about this and she realizes that i think its a problem but it still has not changed. I'm not trying to blame my inability to sustain my erection on her but i think that is part of the problem. Last night (the 3rd incident) we got to the same point: We had been making out for half an hour then she tells me o i think i can stay for another hour and i start taking her cloths off again and trying to make her come while trying to get hard again. This last time i asked her to get on top and i just asked her to help me (with which i just ment maybe move around a bit or touch my chest IDK what ever women do before sex) but she did know what to do and was just laying on top of me. Then i try to ask her to get more involved but the only thing she can come up with is to give me handjob and then a blowjob which just made me lose my erection completely. This is the point where I'm not sure if it really is just psychological because she had it in her mouth, how can that not get me up. After she noticed that the blowjob was not helping anything it all ended. After which you can imagine i was pretty angry with myself. And the thought of me not being able to have sex with this extremely attractive girl that i am in love with kept me up all night. Literally i was up for 7 hours watching my ceiling fan.

[niente_]

Losing your virginity is not something to rush or "get out of the way". It doesn't matter what age you lose your virginity. But it's apparant that you want to lose yours pretty soon, and you may be putting yourself under pressure to lose it quickly. In my opinion, 3 months isn't a long time to be together before you start having sex, but if you're sure that you're comfortable (and safe!) then that's fine.

If you think too hard about keeping it up, it could actually make things worse. Try to relax. Lots of foreplay other than making out (you may be kind of "used to it" so it's not as much of a turn on anymore). Try lots of teasing, talk dirty etc. It may be a problem that just goes away over time.

If the problem persists, maybe you should try the doctor.

[Jack]

Hi there, first of all I want to say welcome to TeenHelp. I hope you like it here and decide to stick around.

Don't worry about losing your erection. It happens to most guys at one time or another, so don't feel too upset about it. Easier said than done I know, but stress and anxiety can be a massive cause of erectile problems. Are there any other factors making you stressed? Maybe you're stressed about something in your home life. Do you have any large work deadline looming? Is something getting you down? If so that could be the problem. Similarly it could just be tiredness, which can also be factor. All of these can be helped by resolving the stress. I know you say you don't feel anxious but I guess there could be something, just throwing that out there as an option.

Similarly depression can also be a cause, similarly some medication for depression or for other things can, itself, lower your sex drive and make it harder to maintain an erection. So if you're on any medication you could check the side effects on the bottle and then ask your doctor if it's causing the problem.

Also are you using a condom? You didn't mention that you were but if so it could perhaps indirectly be a cause. It could be that taking your mind off the sexual act your about to perform to tackle the more practicle task of putting the condom on is doing it. I mean, condoms aren't the most pleasant things and can remind us of infections and illness. They also can reduce sensations and be uncomfortable to use. Maybe the condom feels too tight and restrictive, in which case maybe you need to buy bigger condoms. Do you think that any of this could be causing it at all?

The more often you lose your erection the more frustrated you'll get and this in turn will make it harder for you to get it up. Just try to relax, try intergrating more foreplay into the making out like hand jobs etc and concentrate on the good feeling rather than the idea that you'll have to "perform" in a while. It helps if you're doing something to her at the same time as, again, that helps to keep your mind occupied.

If the problem persists you can always buy a cock ring. Cock rings are used primarily to slow the leakage of blood from the erect penile tissue, thus maintaining your erection for longer. Cock rings can be bought online or in sex shops.

You mentioned something about wondering if your girlfriend was stoned. Well if you're getting high and drunk that certainly wont help you keep an erection. A lot of people drink in the misguided belief that they will be more relaxed when drunk and therefore able to “get it up” more easily when drunk. However they're wrong: Alcohol is a very common cause of temporary impotence. So maybe that could be the reason.

If this continues for a very long time you could always go and talk to your doctor or G.P. about it.

I really hope this helped.

[monstermanx]

Picture yourself with a big ol' 14" monster cock and a pure-bread pussy.

It's what I'd do

[delilah]

hey dont worry this happened to my boyfriend when we first started going out, it actally took us 4 months before we could do it. and yeah frustrating for me, but she won't be thinking that badly of u so dont wory about that.

his was performance anxiety too, he did go see a specialist after 3 mnths (of trying like twice or three times a wk) and he said that he could buy some pills for it but in the end one night he was just like fuck it and we just did it. in his case though, he could get an erection while i was giving him head etc, it was just entering. but i think like him you might just need to wait it out. i know how much it can suck through how my boyf told me he felt, but you know, if she's not even moving and acting that into it, it's no wonder your finding it difficult to maintain an erection. let her know, dont be rude obviously be you can be straightford, if you need her to move around, maybe get on top, seem more into it so you can lose yourself in the act more then do it! the doctor basically told my guy to not focus on it and to just think about how hot the girl is or somthing ignore the idea of sex, jus go through the motions.

this being said, my boyf had fucked girls befre,just one night stands, it was jus that this was the first time he cared so was nervous id not like it or somthing. so i duno if that might change some of the reasons. but if even his speclasist basically suggested noting could be done except to keep trying i guess thats all u can do.

[Xirokz]

thanks for all the advice guys. I guess I just have to keep trying, till it becomes more natural. Putting on the condom was definitely a distracting interruption but I have to put it on at some point. Anxiety is probably the main problem, at least now that I'v failed a bunch of times, so I'll try to not think about it and relax. I dont think there are any outside stressers that i'm thinking about. Since i care for this girl it just increases my fear of not being good enough, but i guess thats the general notion i need to stop thinking about. I'm gonna try and talk to her about it today and just see what she thinks aswell.

[x-gothic-princess-x]

Well there is special sex enhancers that help with your problem... Well I shouldnt say problem but its normal... Remember nurves and fears dont help with getting it hard and keeping it up... Take your time and be ready for it instead of rushing in... If you explain to the girl Im sure she would understand... Sorry I wouldnt be any more help

[Fucking Done]

Lol yeah don't try to dufflebag it into there. It could be that you get to excited and sike yourself out or your jsut not comfortable around her naked just right yet. But what do I know, I could be wrong. But if that is the case then you already said you think it's gonna last so just slow things down for a little bit longer.