Lonely and Hopeless

[smilegirl01]

I really just want to die. I feel isolated from my friends and they don’t seem to care about me. I’ve tried to talk to them to get help, but they all think I’m just trying to get attention, so they ignore me more. I’ve tried to talk to my parents about it, but I don’t really know how and am honestly afraid to. I can’t go on like this; I want to be able to talk to someone.

[Wishbone]

I must be honest, I never felt that way. Although, I feel though I know the battle. I have been in the same situation for a prolonged amount of time. The first person I claimed to be a friend joined a group of kids who pushed me away from him. My parents were worried about me, but did not know what to do. And I was powerless to know how to break out of this shell. If your parents ignore you more they may not be worrying less. In my case it was this distance that coincided with the time when my parents were seeking help from doctors. I will not suggest your case is the same, because I cannot describe your case, or what your parents are doing, only my own. For me, I had a ravine directly behind my backyard and would take walks. I accepted the belief there was nobody to talk to. And I became reclusive, even comfortable with not having anyone else. This was not a healthy choice. I have come to understand it is better to talk to someone, but you might, as I did, not know how. I did know I had things I enjoyed, and did not need anyone for me to learn them. I found by focusing my attention away from my isolation and on to my hobbies, like stamps at the time and soon scouts, I felt better. And feeling better helped me to accept people into my life because I was not afraid to talk to them. Do you have something you enjoy? Tell me, I will reply again when I can.

[Prozac]

Hey there,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad right now. I know from experience that it is a very hard place to be in and it can be very difficult to cope with, especially on your own. It is important that you do know that you're not alone because you certainly aren't - there are many people who are willing to help you cope with how you're feeling right now. I think that it's good that you've tried to talk to people and I'm sorry that your friends reacted this way, that wasn't fair of them and sometimes people just siply don't understand. It's also good that you've tried to talk to your parents, I know that is hard. You say that you don't know how to - perhaps you could write them a letter telling them how you're feeling? That's often a lot easier. It is normal to be afraid of opening up and telling people how you feel because it's not something we do everyday, however, it's worth trying to overcome this fear in able to get help and support. If you really don't feel able to talk to your parents then perhaps talking to a teacher, a school counsellor, religious leader or extracurricular leader would be a good idea. There are so many people who are willing to help you.

In the meantime it might be worth asking yourself if you can identify and reasons as to why you feel this way. Why do you want to die? What is the problem? What are some ways in which you can overcome the problem? It is hard answer those questions and identify other solutions but it is important to know that death isn't going to solve any of these problems and there are a lot safer ways of altering things and making yourself happy. Try doing something for yourself every day - something that you enjoy. That's a beneficial thing to do too, whether it is just watching your favourite TV programme or listening to your favourite music. Take some time for you and enjoy it. Things can and will get better.

Take care of yourself.

[Crescendo]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down in the dumps right now.

I just wanted to encourage you to keep reaching out for help to people in your life if you feel you might act on your suicidal urges- if your parents are listening maybe a mentor, doctor, teacher etc. would. If you've been suffering for a while with thoughts of suicide you may have a mental illness such as Depression. A lot of mental illnesses like Depression are treatable with therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes such as exercise, balanced diet, and enough sleep. It is however very very hard to go it alone. Your life is valuable, and with treatment things CAN get better. You've been alive this long. You've managed to not act on your urges this far. So I would guess that if you've been able to not do it until now, there must be some little part inside you that doesn't want to die. try to hang on to that tiny part. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents/ your parents won't listen you could try going to a school counselor or maybe a friends parents, or another relative like an aunt or uncle for advice. I really hope you will reach out to people in your life, and give yourself a chance to heal with treatment, before you throw the rest of your life away.

remember that you can always call a suicide hotline, or simply call 9-1-1 or go to an emergency room (or your countries emergency number)

even if youre not having urges to cut using some of the suggestions on the alternatives to self harm list (its a sticky in the self harm section of the forum) may help you feel better if your feeling really overwhelmed. if you're feeling hopeless maybe you could try doing something that makes you feel more in control or better about youself. challenge yourself to take a small step towards one of your goals. do something difficult but realistic like working out, studying, etc or do a chore around the house/make cookies for an elderly neighbor to make you feel good about yourself.
i know how you feel. all november i was suicidal. i stopped talking to everyone. i wrote suicide notes. things were really bleak. i was stuck. i think its important to remember sometimes you will come to a standstill in healing, and that doesnt mean that you arent doing your best, or that it will last forever.

a lot of things kept me alive in those dark times. sleep. being afraid of going to hell. (even though i didnt really believe in hell) thinking about myself as a tiny baby, and how far ive come. thinking abuot how if i killed myself now, there is so much i would miss out on.

anyway, i hope that helps a little bit. if you want to talk feel free to pm me.

youre not alone.
megan