LONELY. ABANDONDED
 

Hey, it really hurts NO ONE CHECKS UP ON ME FROM CHAT. Maybe you guys are experiencing burn out from your jobs and that's why you don't care about me or others in chat. No check ups at all. IT HURTS YOU ALL GIGLE AND LAUGH AND DON'T THINK TO STOP AND GO HMM I WONDER HOW DOGLOVER IS I SHOULD check up on her, PM HER OR SOMETHING. NOPE NONE OF YOU. ALL FAKE CARING FROM YOU.

I care about you guys BUT I DO NOT GET IT BACK. WOULD BE NICE TO GET IT BACK. :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

DOES NO ONE GIVE A F HOW I AM??? ANY ONE CARE?????????????

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Thanks all

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Agree pork chops the mods are not held to a high standard which means they do not always mod responsibly. It's good to know I'm not alone and that you validated my feelings. As often in chat my feelings were constantly being invalidated when I was in chat . I always got in trouble but when others did something wrong they didn't and I was told I was just not taking responsibility. When that was not the case.

Thanks. Your not alone.

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Oh okay. Yeah your right I do not need them. I am too busy as well to get on chat. To be honest I wasted a lot of time and didn't get things done when I got on the chat. I was always so jealous and wondered how others were always on chat and it didn't seem to cause any negative things for them. Especially in January when school starts again and I have a job that I do at home. I'm going to be way too busy to get on chat and I tend to forgot about chat when im really busy. Im not sure how the people that have jobs seem to always be on chat because when im busy with a job and school the last thing I think about is chat and I tend to forget about it. I guess if your a mod then you have to be on the chat sometimes.
Thats cool your sister and you are so close.

Yes, I have a dog. He is amazing. We do a lot together. He is my world, my fur baby. Im so sorry for your loss. Pet loss is never easy. My family dog died two years ago at 17 years old. Its so hard. Give yourself time to grieve. You will know when its time to get a dog. No rush. When your ready it will happen.

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[EDITED] I truly believe that you need to take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror (inner mirror that is, I couldn't care less about your physical appearance) and think hard about what you are saying and how your actions impact others. Your words have been harsh, rude, disrespectful. Yes this is a supportive site but no one owes you anything.


You claim you are doing better with your mental health but I highly encourage you to rethink that. You also state that you for through your depression with no meds and no therapy. Also....Not something to brag about because maybe you are actually suffering and it is to the point that your STUFF is leaking so much that it is affecting me. I don't like being on TH seeing every other post about how a)no one cares about you and b) how you want to play a game or hear about fun recipes to try. You don't get to play hot and cold like this. No you will not get away with this behavior. I am lucky I can log off and ignore you even though I use this site for support. But if you were in my offline life I would actually consider your behavior manipulative.

You may be in pain and need support and deserve support 100% AND your behavior is not okay.

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And you know something, I mentioned in my other post that I'm trying to help you out as a friend but I am also not interested in being taken for granted so if you are not doing the legwork to improve, I'm not going to spend time detailing how you can do better. It is time you actually ask these questions. You show you want to learn.[EDITED]

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I'm sorry my posts are negatively affecting you. Please have some empathy and compassion. Nothing I do is to intentionally be bad or mean, or whatever else people think because I seriously am a good person. I do not intentionally harm people, or hurt people, or manipulate or be evil and so on. I am a good person. I seriously am.

This is just the only way I know how to act and get my needs met. Its just my personality. Any body will tell you its hard to change who you are if you don't have a professional like a therapist pointing it out to you and helping you work through it. Currently I do not have a therapist and when I did see a therapist in the past this was never worked on. I'm not making excuses. I am just trying to explain why I do what I do.

Also, to be honest I have not had much social interaction in that I really haven't had many friends or friends that stuck around for a long long time really which I think has negatively affected me. Also I'm almost 30 and have never been in a relationship and never dated. I feel i do not even know how to be in a relationship if I was in one.

I am trying and I do not have to prove to any one that I am trying. Just because you feel I'm not trying doesn't mean I'm not. I can try to not do the hot and cold as you call it. Ill try but again please don't be harsh and expect perfect. I still might slip in to my old/natural ways not intentionally just because like I said I do not have a therapist at the moment to really help me with this. Its not easy changing on your own with out professional help how you think, how you interact and how you get your needs met.


My post are not to hurt any one or get any one upset. You do not have to read my posts if they upset you. I do appreciate your suggestions and advice. :hug:

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This is manipulative behavior. It does not make you a BAD person. It makes your BEHAVIOR manipulative. Regardless of your diagnosis, regardless if it is intentional or not. If a child throws a tantrum, we don't give them what they want because they throw a fit. There is such a thing as saying "No! Absolutely not" and still understanding the situation.

I said nothing about trying hard and not trying hard. But actually, you were the one who said that on a different post. How people use the hospital for a crutch and do things for attention. I said nothing about trying.

I was talking about how you continued to talk trash about people here while simultaneously begging for support. And the fact that while you did acknowledge what I said in private message, that you then continued to post repeatedly the same exact things.Acknowledging and then saying too bad because I am helpless and needy doesn't help you get better. [EDITED] You say you are doing well just lonely. [EDITED] Because when you are feeling low, you got no time to think about how you affect others. NOW is the time. NOW is when you are doing well. THIS IS THE TIME for your commitment.

Back to the child having a tantrum scenario. It does not make sense to speak to a child about their behavior while they're in the midst of their behavior. However, you did not write in caps lock and you had no sad faces and none of that "exaggerated stuff" so now is when I am taking the opportunity.

The thing is, if you took yourself out of the situation and looked at it, you'd probably be quite critical of that person doing these things. I know this because you are quite critical of others who go to the hospital and yet you are coming here repeatedly, begging for support. How is that much different? At least in the hospital, there are professionals.

You acknowledged once privately you see my side but you saying "I can't help it" is overpowering the conversations. People might be more willing to help you express yourself than you realize. If you were not so combative. The staff are not your enemies and this is not a war.

I sense that these defenses are coming in with a mix of shame. That is what I am sensing. I specifically scanned my post previously to make sure I point out that it is your behavior and not YOU as a person. Why? Because I believe that every person can grow and improve and I do not think you are a bad person at all. You said to show compassion and empathy, and actually I believe I am already. I do not see your behavior as who you are. I tried my hardest to communicate that I am calling out behaviors. I mentioned in a previous comment that I hope you do not take it as shame and instead as a learning opportunity. [EDITED] Because you are not Do you see how I mentioned you deserve support 100%? I do not say words I do not mean. I wholeheartedly believe it. You do deserve support. And I hope you can self-validate even if no one else tells it to you.

I am letting you know that there are 3 coexisting things happening right now inside of me one is caring and understanding and actually believe it or not relatability. I can relate to your pain in a deep way. I can even relate to some of the behaviors!

And feeling helpless is such a human feeling to have. I describe it as rushing down a hill on a bicycle and the breaks aren't working and I am repeatedly trying to stop the breaks and there's people shouting "go left" and "go right" and "stop the bike you are going to crash" and it is like I know I am going to crash, I see myself standing on the sidelines watching myself about to crash and yet, helpless. That's what it feels like to be helpless and stuck in unhealthy patterns. And at the same time, I know I have grown so much since 10 years ago when I started seeking support. Growth and improving doesn't just happen to you. You need to take the action. You need to DO something differently. You need to ask people for help. It is tough work!

And the second thing that is happening is that "this behavior is extremely triggering"

[EDITED]

Now it is your turn to be brave and commit to speaking respectfully and honestly. Write it out first and then edit before posting it. If you need help editing, ask for it.

Of course you are going to have times when you go back to your habit. But it is up to you to work on creating new patterns. We as humans have neuroplasticity and we can change patterns slowly

In fact, part of why I go to therapy is to what I call "breaking intergenerational curses" which is another way of saying I am committed to improving my interpersonal relationships and other mental health things.

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Thanks Radio flyer. Felt good to know im not alone and you see it as behavior not me personally.

Aww thanks pork chop. Its okay. Same I'm in college too.

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