lonely

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]I'm not to sure how to end loneliness, family wise i have no one and I have a few friends but they can only do so much. But how do you date when everyone wants to hook up or when the only ones that like you you're not attracted to? I feel like when i did find a person that seemed to mutually like me, I scared him off? I'm just not sure what to and I have fr worse problems that i'm handling, this one just hurts the most. Advice? maybe tips or places to go/sites to try? I wasn't looking at first and focused more on myself but this is the last block that needs attention.

p.s. please don't give me the basics of "you'll find the one". Because not everyone does, and all though its nice to hear... it doesn't actually help at all. But either way any advice is appreciated.[/size]

[Brandon]

First of all, I don't know if it's my computer, but your text HTML is not working. I've noticed this on a lot of your posts and I'm gonna be the one to say it that that shit is annoying. So that'd be a good first step, which I think is pretty doable.


After that, you need to have a sit down with yourself and talk to yourself about your life, who you are, and where you're at in life. If we look up the definition of "lonely," we get this:

1. sadness because one has no friends or company.
   "feelings of depression and loneliness"
   
   
   • the fact of being without companions; solitariness.
     "the loneliness of a sailor's life"
     
     
   
   
   
   
2. 2.
   (of a place) the quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.
   "the loneliness of the farm"

Loneliness is about isolation: being without friends, without company.


You have few friends, but...you do have friends. There are no set limits or requirements to how many friends you need to have to not be lonely. If you spend time with your friends, that's not loneliness. You have company, you have people who care about you, but what you seek is more of companionship that your friends can't provide you. That's different.



So if you're gonna solve a problem, you first have to figure out what the problem is. If it isn't loneliness, since we established that you are not without company, then what is it? That's where you need to have a sit down with yourself and you need to figure out why you feel the way you feel. And if you don't know how you feel, then you need to figure that out, too. It seems easy at first, but it's not. It takes time. But it actually takes more time figuring out what's really wrong than it does actually solving the problem. Generally.


You need to get to a point where you're content with your life and dating becomes fun...even if things don't go as well as you'd like to. It sucks to meet someone you click with only to have them turn around and run away, but...that's the beauty of dating. There's no attachments, and it should be taken seriously to avoid wasting people's time. The fact that people run away from you is great because at least they give you a direct answer of their disinterest rather than simply catfishing, or postponing till they finally decide to man up and tell you that they've changed their mind.


And no, you won't find the one. The one doesn't exist. It's an artificial concept. You'll find people who share common interests, and one day you'll find someone who wants to take things a step further. Maybe ya'll last a week, maybe ya'll don't, but again...that's the fun in dating. You get to meet new people, share experiences with, have a good time doing it. The idea of needing someone to not feel lonely is a negative mindset to have. You gotta learn to be content with yourself. As strange as it is, most people tend to find love when they're not looking for it, anyway.

[Odyne]

Sending a big hug