Lonely

[NovoK9]

I've been really lonely lately. I have a few close friends, but I still feel really alone. I get this aching feeling in my chest whenever i'm doing something by myself (which is almost always). Its not their fault, they make plans with me occasionally and I go to them, but I can't shake this lonely feeling. I feel really upset and I don't know why. Sometimes I think its because all my other friends either are currently ignoring me or aren't my friend anymore or became my bullies. Maybe I'm worried that i'm going to lose them as quickly as I got them. I don't know. I have been really lonely lately and I have no idea what to do with myself. I sometimes lie down or run to the bathroom and start crying because my chest starts to ache. Any advice is appreciated

[hocus pocus]

Hey there,

You said sometimes your friends make plans and you attend them; do you think it would help if you tried making some plans with them (if you initiated) ? Maybe you'd feel more in control and less lonely that way.

Worrying about losing your friends must be difficult. It might help to know that some things are out of your control as you can only control yourself and not other people, and that worrying too far in the future about losing these friends may be doing more harm than good. Try to focus more in the present than in the future and see if that helps.

When you get that achy feeling when you're doing things alone, maybe you can try some self-care. You could take a warm bath, read a book, take a walk, or do anything that brings you comfort or safety. It's important to utilize self-care; maybe you can try dedicating a little time each day to doing it?

[Mirabelle]

Hey, you are not alone in your feelings. I am in exactly the same situation, but the cause of this is being a musician. So many people think they'd like to be friends and when I let them in eventually they become highly critical and become toxic. This is why I lead a predominantly lonely life.

Except what cynefin has shared is very good, and in a practical way we can look after ourselves, and in doing this we begin grabbing back some power to help us through our daily lives. I purposefully try not to look back at what was past, but stay in the present and remain close to my family of which I have a special sister who needs looking after. Devoting my time and energy to my church friends, all of them about my guardian's age helps to get me out of myself. And I love this self-care that cynefin talks about - it really does work.

You are always welcome to visit me. I like the anonymity here so that we can make good online friends, and this is a start. Also, try and do some self-care every day like I have begun since finishing a european tour with my band. Time to catch up in talking care of myself - and you, too.

Wishing you all the best,

~Belle

[NovoK9]

Thank you guys for the responses. I'll try and do some self care more often. I don't do it as often as I should. I just don't have the motivation to do much. Do you guys have any tips on how to get started on self care when I get that achy feeling? Sometimes it feels really disabling and I really try but I just can't find the motivation to do it.

As for the friend part, I'd love to! I'm a little awkward at times but I'll be sure to message you sometime mirabelle. Thank you

[Mirabelle]

Originally Posted by NovoK9

Thank you guys for the responses. I'll try and do some self care more often. I don't do it as often as I should. I just don't have the motivation to do much. Do you guys have any tips on how to get started on self care when I get that achy feeling? Sometimes it feels really disabling and I really try but I just can't find the motivation to do it.

As for the friend part, I'd love to! I'm a little awkward at times but I'll be sure to message you sometime mirabelle. Thank you

Hey Novok, I was wondering if you would consider volunteering? It could help take away that achy feeling in your chest because if you have spare time on your hands, think about whether you could spend a few hours working with a group of people whose interests you feel are particularly worth fighting for, or some rural activity you would like to become involved in? Sharing with people this way could help relieve that emptiness you feel inside, as I am starting out on something new and finding the course very interesting.

In volunteering you could gain new skills worth acquiring. Or, joining an evening class at beginners' level like I have - will put you on the same footing as everyone else. Getting to know new people can become part of the process of learning something new. I've just started an evening course learning upholstery (as in furniture) and finding it useful because I've inherited not only a country house, but it's chock full of furniture some of which will be needing repair. The evening course is in my village so I haven't far to walk.

There are very many local groups and societies that cater for a wide range of interests and taste such as local interest groups where you may find it easier to relate to others through the medium of a shared interest. Consider what you most enjoy doing, whether it's reading, going for country walks, going to the cinema, playing chess or playing the flute. Or, what about joining a class like I have? Share something new?

Or read a good book? I've had The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett a long time, but I still keep returning to it. Also another which a friend recommended me, Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. It's an enchanting book.

[NovoK9]

Originally Posted by Mirabelle

Hey Novok, I was wondering if you would consider volunteering? It could help take away that achy feeling in your chest because if you have spare time on your hands, think about whether you could spend a few hours working with a group of people whose interests you feel are particularly worth fighting for, or some rural activity you would like to become involved in? Sharing with people this way could help relieve that emptiness you feel inside, as I am starting out on something new and finding the course very interesting.

In volunteering you could gain new skills worth acquiring. Or, joining an evening class at beginners' level like I have - will put you on the same footing as everyone else. Getting to know new people can become part of the process of learning something new. I've just started an evening course learning upholstery (as in furniture) and finding it useful because I've inherited not only a country house, but it's chock full of furniture some of which will be needing repair. The evening course is in my village so I haven't far to walk.

There are very many local groups and societies that cater for a wide range of interests and taste such as local interest groups where you may find it easier to relate to others through the medium of a shared interest. Consider what you most enjoy doing, whether it's reading, going for country walks, going to the cinema, playing chess or playing the flute. Or, what about joining a class like I have? Share something new?

Or read a good book? I've had The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett a long time, but I still keep returning to it. Also another which a friend recommended me, Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. It's an enchanting book.

I would volunteer, but I have really bad social anxiety. Maybe I could volunteer online though. I would love to read a good book! The secret Garden sounds really good. And I saw Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children in theaters, but the book is always different. Thank you so much for the wonderful suggestions. I'll be sure to try volunteering. I've actually wanted to volunteer for teenhelp for awhile now. Now I have the push that I needed to go through with it.