feeling lonely

[mel098]

um well hi, my names melissa and ive been feeling pretty lonely for these past few years. Im 16 years old, going into junior year this fall, and i just thought i would let out all my thoughts on here since i seem to be too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone i actually know. about 3 or so years ago going into 8th grade, i dont know why, but i was feeling really unhappy with myself. looking back at it now i had everything that i want now but for some reason i decided to push it all away at the time. then, i had my group of friends that i would hangout with ALL the time. i still kind of talk to a few of them but not nearly as much as i used to before, and although most of them were fake ass douchebags i still miss hanging out with them cause i had fun with them. I also used to be a cheerleader which i also decided to quit at that time to do volleyball. after quitting cheer in 8th grade, i got really distant with all of those friends but at the same time got a little closer to my volleyball friends, which made it not so bad. anyways, i started staying in a whole lot more, trying to fix all the little things i didnt like about myself or the things in my life. it sounds so so stupid when i say this out loud but for some reason, in my head, i thought this was a good idea and that my life would be better once i got to fix all those things. this is when i started to make fake excuses and avoid going out to do things with my friends when they asked so i could just stay home and watch tv or youtube. i gradually started getting really distant from everyone, but i didn't care. i just stayed home on my laptop, watching youtube all day or binge watching shows, and i was okay with it for awhile. but then i started to notice how isolate id become and began to blame it on other people, telling myself that they ditched me. going into sophomore year, i decided to quit volleyball too as i was gonna start taking much harder courses and thought that i personally couldn't handle doing both at the same time. now i have no hobbies or activities to keep me connected with my friends and i all i would do on my free time was pretty much just stay home and watch stuff. this made me super lazy with everything and a hell of a procrastinator, which i still am. probably why im in this mess in the first place.



overall, i just feel like i have no friends that im actually close to, and that i actually really like, i care about what other people think way more than i wish i did, and i have all of these really petty insecurities that i just cant seem to get past for some reason. people on here are probably just gonna say to keep making plans with people or something like that but whenever i try to, sometimes it works out, but other times people just dont answer. also, its always me trying to make plans, no one ever tries texting or calling me to do anything and its kind of a shitty feeling. tbh the events that have led me here are super unclear to me and while typing this i feel like im just being super whiny and that people probably have much bigger problems to deal with. but idk ive cried so many times because of how pathetic i feel and i just thought id give this forum a try.



i dont know if any of this came out the way i wanted it to, it all probably sound pretty stupid tbh, but i just really dont know how to get out of this hole ive dug myself into and any kind of help would be nice. thanks.

[hocus pocus]

Hi Melissa, thanks for coming to TeenHelp. A lot of us here are very nice and we're not going to tell you that you're whiny because you're not. You have a right to feel the way that you do and it is good that you shared that with us. While it is hard not to, comparing yourself to others is something you can try to refrain from because everyone's differences makes it impossible to get a fair playing field.

You said that you started isolating yourself to spend time at home. Do you think there are reasons as to why you did this, such as possibly feeling depressed? You said you dropped volleyball because you were taking harder courses and you dropped cheer to play volleyball but perhaps there are some underlying feelings there, or not. Regardless it may be something to consider.

You did mention having some insecurities. Would you like to talk about those? it could help to get them out of your mind and people here could give you advice about working on those insecurities if you are interested.

You said you're going into junior year this fall. Maybe you could look at this new year as a fresh slate to try to work on yourself. For instance, you could look into a sport or a club you're interested in and consider joining it. That could be a small step to take.

Something else to think about is that school may not be your only avenue to be less isolated. You could look into volunteering opportunities within your community to see what you can find and you can meet people that way as well.

You could also start with your procrastination and other habits if you want to. For instance, you could research different study habits or organization habits and find new things to work on. Perhaps if you work on your procrastination you'll slowly start to feel a bit better.