Feeling so lonely.

[madeofamethyst]

I don't have a lot of friends in real life. I have a bunch of people I'm friendly with, so in class I'll have people to work with and chat with, but I don't have any serious friendships, where we both feel equally close to each other.
I'd say there's only one girl I'd call my good friend, but at the same time, It makes me uncomfortable because I know she doesn't feel nearly as close to me as I feel to her. She's got other friends that she hangs out with and seems to like a lot more than me, so I'm not sure how I feel about our friendship.
There were a couple people online that I had become fairly close to, and we were/are all a group of friends together. But lately I've felt more and more...distant from the group, mainly because one girl (we'll call her M) interacts with everyone else together besides me. I don't really know what happened...M and I used to be super super close, but now she just seems so disinterested and... bothered by me. I'm too afraid to talk to her about it. But I get really down over this, because I thought the people in this group were the best friends I'd ever had.
And there's another girl from the group, call her B. She talks to me quite a bit and acts like I'm her only real friend, but she has other people she talks to and interacts with seemingly more so than me.
I know I probably sound like a really, really jealous person, and to be honest, I kind of am. I've had so few friends for so long and I've never had a true best-friend type friendship, because no one has ever felt as close to me as I have felt to them.
I guess I just don't know what to do. For a few months I thought I had this really great group of friends, but now it feels like they don't even care about me that much. Mainly that M girl is making me feel this way, because when the "group" first started, she was the one I was closest to for the longest time.
I'm not quite sure what I'm asking for specifically. I just don't know how to make friends that actually want to stay with me.

[CrusadingAvenger]

Hey there Sarah,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, and I understand how difficult this must be for you. Well, first off, this M girl that you speak of, have you thought about telling her about how she's been making you feel lately? I believe if you just spoke to her and expressed your concerns about your friendship with her, she'll understand, but there's also a possibility that she might not. Either way, you have to talk to her about this because if you don't, how are you ever going to know if she's a good friend to you? It's better to find out than to be left later on pondering about what you could've done.

You don't sound like a jealous person that you believe yourself to be. You're just lost without any direction because you feel like an outcast, and you don't know who your friends are, or if there are any true friends that exists. At your age, it's hard to find those really good friends, especially since most of the time people are organized into specific groups, and you either fit in with them, or you don't. It doesn't matter if you fit in with people or not. You have to love who you are, and only then, there will be people that you will come across who'll want to be part of your life. Don't be somebody that you're not, and don't pay attention to those who won't give you their full attention; those people aren't worth the hassle.

Somewhere out there, there are good people out there that you'll come across who'll want to be friends with you because they like you for who you are. Keep holding on to hope and faith, and believe in yourself. You have the capability of making friends. Everyone does. All you have to do is be yourself. People who want to be friends with you want to see Sarah (you) for who she is, not for who she's not. Give yourself a chance, and you will come across people who will become your friends in time.

I wish you all the very best, and take care of yourself.

All the best from your friendly guy,
Mark