TeenHelp - Triggering: Im so.. Lonely..

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- - Triggering: Im so.. Lonely.. (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f540-loneliness/t126149-im-so-lonely/)

Im so.. Lonely..

This is the worst month of the year... This is my first Christmas season without my mom and this was her favorite season and mine... Currently my dad left to china yesterday .... He's coming back a few fays before Christmas. Like I was prepared , I knew this was going to be difficult. But i've just never felt so depressed and lonely before in my life :( everywhere I look something reminds me of my mom and how "happy and normal" I used to be... It's getting so hard . Even though I know what the affect of my moms suicide in the family has done... I still feel like doing it. I feel like a terrible person for even considering it , but it would be such a simpler way out . I try to talk to others but my dad has brainwashed everyone I know to believe that im a "compulsive" liar and that I make things up ... I believe it was a week ago , but I got two new blades and I just kept on cutting and cutting on wrists. I was planning on bleeding to death , I hit one vein and there was just blood everywhere .. I was just sitting there letting the blood go everywhere... Something made me stop the bleeding though .. I dont know why I stopped but I did. Ever since that night I just hate myself more and more :( I dont know what to do with myself..

Re: Im so.. Lonely..

Dear Despair,

As my eyes take in your words, I feel my heart beating to the rhythm of yours. We are lonely, but if only we knew just how not alone we were. The holiday season is a nightmare for a lot of people; perhaps for every single person who has been abandoned or hurt by others, for every single person who has one or multiple holes in their heart left by someone else. For those of us to whom grief rings closer to the heart than celebration of relationships.

During the holiday season, more than ever, there are other people like us out there who are in need of a sign that they're not alone. I think I might end up spending my Christmas eve and day on here. You can always come here, and come to the fellow lonely souls that take refuge here; and we'll always believe you, because we've been there. We know the pain of grief, and the pain of isolation.

I don't have any magical words for you. I, too, am in a lot of pain and grief. But I wanted you to know that you're not alone, and you're always welcome to have a friend in me. :hug:

Re: Im so.. Lonely..

despair ,
i know how you feel believe me you are not the only one reading what u said made me cry because i have exactly that feeling but know that you are never alone you can always mail me .

Re: Im so.. Lonely..

Hi there! :)

First of all, I am so sorry about your mom. I can't imagine how that must be for you. You know, I don't know your mom and I don't know you. But I know she loves you, and she'd want you to live. Nobody can ask you to forget her, that's wrong, because she'll always be in your heart and your thoughts. Everyone has to grieve, but it hasn't been real long. So please give yourself the chance for things to get better. You know what I think? I think that sometime later on, you'll be able to think of your mom and think of the happy memories. Think of her in a good way. She must have been a pretty great person, who loved you a lot. So just hold on, this cannot be easy for you but it's worth it. You've got a future and a lot of life to live. A lot of great experiences to have. You can be happy, this isn't all there is to life, okay? :hug:

That must be pretty hard that your dad told everyone you're a compulsive liar. I don't believe that, you can PM me if you want. I'll listen and believe you're being honest. And you've got others here for you as well. Can you call a hotline or talk to the school counselor? You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I thought I'd also suggest a few other tips in getting your feelings out, such as writing your thoughts and feelings in a notebook, writing poems or short stories. For me, going for walks seems to clear my mind so that could help. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy that you could do to help you cope through this difficult time? Like playing games or anything else you enjoy? Healthy coping mechanisms are great. Oh and I looked at your profile, I saw your horse. She's beautiful and I bet she'd love for you to take her out on rides. She enjoys your company. :)

I'm so happy that you stopped the bleeding when you did, because your life matters. It matters so much more than you think. I know you're extremely depressed and lonely, but I think one day you'll come to be thankful that you lived past this. Because you've got a lot of life ahead of you. So many amazing things. I realize things are hard right now, but when you're ready, I suggest trying to work on self-harm recovery when you feel a bit better. Just reminding you that you can do anything you put your mind up to. Including recovery, so I felt like I should give you this link. It's to the Self-harm Alternatives list, some things are helpful and I ask that you try not to hurt yourself. You're a beautiful person and don't deserve to be harming yourself. You deserve better. I don't know you, but I do care. It upsets me that such a cool person as you is going through this and wanting to end her life. Because I see that things will get better for you. I can't tell you when, but please trust me when I say it won't always be this bad. Life isn't fair, but somehow I see that all the bad things we endure help us be stronger in the end. You're a survivor, girl. You've been through a lot, you can do this. Believe in yourself, just hold on. :hug:

Stay Strong <3